Free me! Let my people go!
Wh-wait? Usher, you celebrate Passover? That's hot!
I don't know what you're talking about, ma'am. I jus was tryin' to get my suitcase back from Trump Towers.
Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't think you'd mind doing the Ushdoo. And Trump asked for one of those "Brown people" so he looks like he's not racist. And you're a cute one.
: I know.
Look, Usher, I told you 11 years ago I'd take care of it. Didn't I? I'm kinda busy, in case you didn't notice. I'm a very busy man. I'm a very smart man too. And I'm rich. I have billions of dollars. I'm very, very rich. I like Blacks and coloreds and some of the Mexicans are my servants. The others, though, they ruin our country. The Mexican Muslims are terrorists. Let's make America hate again! I mean, let's make America great again! And why'd you leave your suitcase at the reception area of a hotel with $100,000 of stuff in it? Are you mentally impotent? I'm very smart. And rich. I'm really rich...
On-line article dated 04/18/2005 AT 09:00 AM EDT
claims a suitcase
of his containing $100,000 worth of belongings was taken Friday from New
York's Trump International Hotel by someone posing as a member of his
posse, reports the New York Post, which also quotes Donald Trump
as promising to make good on the loss. "I told him we'll get it solved," The Apprentice
host said. Trump adds, referring to the missing article: "I'm trying to
figure out why somebody would leave a bag at the front desk."
Did someone say "escort"? Oh, that was "Usher." Never mind. But look at me, folks. Ignore those two. I can't stand it when other people get attention.
"I'm Martha Stewart, and let's face it, everyone wants a piece of me. So I created the Umbrella Hair Collector
It fits snuggly around my neck for around-the-clock usage. It's
waterproof, so there's no need to remove it before showering. The soft
neutral gray adds a splash of color to otherwise drab white outfits. I
shed, oh, about half a dozen times per day. By the end of one week, the
Umbrella Hair Collector has enough of my hair to provide the entire city
of New Haven with at least one follicle per person. Each follicle,
strand, or half of a split-end costs a mere $6.99. What's more, it's a
piece of me, Martha Stewart. What could be better? Well...Martha blushes
...besides, you know. Yeah, a well-endowed blow-up doll in my apple orchard with an egg-beater. *F*ck yeah!*"