Dear Sillies,
I've collaborated with my fun and silly friend,
Powdered Toast Man. He is so outrageous. You should follow him, if you aren't already.
Disclaimer: I'm very sorry. We didn't realize ET was so sexually depraved, until I channeled him for this interview. Feel free to move along, if you want to remember his sweet innocence.
Thank you, and be good to yourselves.
PTM (Powdered Toast Man) - Thank you E.T. for coming on the show today. I am glad you could fit us into your busy schedule.
E.T. - Yeah, it's tight, but that's how I like it.
PTM - I can see where this interview is headed already. How much of the Stephen Spielberg movie is based on true events?
E.T. - What movie?
PTM - I am not prepared to open that can of worms. I will have to
have a one on one with Drew later. So, what is Drew Barrymore really
like?
E.T. - She's all grown up now, hot as ever. Between us guys, though, she's dumb as my doorknob and twice as loose.
PTM - Are you referring to an actual doorknob or your penis? And I thought you liked it tight? Never mind, I don't want to know. Which Golden Girls character is your favorite and why?
E.T. - Estelle Getty because of the tightness factor.
PTM - I guess that answers my previous question. Betty White is my gal, bigger rack. Where do you shop to find clothes that fit?
E.T. - Pee Wee Plus Sizes for the Short and Thick
PTM - Must be an online only store, I have never heard of it. Are you dating anyone right now?
E.T. - Yeah, Drew and I are still
dating. It's an open relationship. Punky Brewster's a side dish, along
with all of the Bachelorette rejects.
PTM - I call her Soleil Moon Frye. The restraining order states I
can't call her Punky Brewster anymore. I heard a rumor that you haven't
spoken to Elliot in 5 years. What happened?
E.T. - He didn't invite me to his
Bar Mitzvah, and that really hurt. But he eventually apologized, gave me
a phone and lots of rides. *Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.*
PTM - You are one horny little alien. I would love to harness
your sex drive. You were recently with Drew being interviewed by Rawkn
Robyn on Life by Chocolate. I have always had a big crush on her. Since
you were close enough to see, I have to ask. Are they real?
E.T. - I once got my finger stuck in them for hours. She loved it. Yes. They're real, and they're spectacular!
PTM - I hope you get an endorsement check for that Seinfeld reference. For once and for all, what does E.T. actually stand for?
E.T. - Emerging Testicles
PTM - That raises a lot more questions that we really don't have time for right now. What is your biggest accomplishment?
E.T. - Bea Arthur. She's 5'10".
PTM - That picture will be burned into my brain forever. Camera
man #3 is your biggest fan. He wants to know if he can buy you a drink
after the show?
E.T. - No, Betty White hates it when I'm late - or premature.
PTM - I hope you carry lube, she must be like a desert down
there. Let's turn the tables for a minute. I am going to let you ask me a
few questions. I haven't done this in awhile. I am a little gun shy
after what happened with Dustin Diamond. You get 3 questions.
E.T. - Briefs, boxers, or commando and why?
PTM - None of the above. I have worn Speedos since I was nine.
E.T. - What's your favorite sexual position?
PTM - It is a toss up between the German shepherd and lazy grasshopper.
E.T. - Do you have a recommendation for loose bowels? I'm asking for a friend.
PTM - Cut down on the anal sex. Twice a month is recommended. Ask Dr. Phil.
E.T. - *Holds up two wet thumbs*
PTM - That is all the time we have plus E.T. soiled the chair
cushion twice. I knew I should have put down newspaper. See ya next
time.
E.T. - Dope! Catch ya on the flip side.
It feels so damn good to work with my buddy, PTM, again. And again, check him out here. Thank you, PTM!