My Story, Yours Too.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

New Year's EvErotica, Welcome 2020!

Dear Silly Ones,
   As we pack 2019 away, I wish you a very Happy New Year! May it be a more calm and safe one that includes heaping spoonfuls of friendship, chocolate, naughtiness, and giggles.
   We're sending forceful-thoughts for safety and reprieve to our friends in Australia, Elephant's Child and Anthony, and many more.
Much love. Welcome, 2020!

Monday, December 23, 2019

Big, Big Santa: Christmas Erotica

Dearest Sillies,
   I can't thank you enough for popping in and out of this silly-fest for yet another year. Circumstances change, and those changes are often traumatic, yet your kindness and ferocity persevere. Blogland has become a safe and necessary haven, more than ever before. 
   Together, we prove that laughter is a key to life, one nearly as important as chocolate.  
   Please be good to yourselves. Keep faith that darkness will lift and sassyness shall prevail.
   A very warm-loving Holiday and New Year's to you.
   May your Christmas be at least as naughty as nice.
   Happy Hanukah to the Jewish world.
   Love you all.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Elf on the Shelf, Precious or A Weird Scam?

Dear Sillies,
   I don't understand the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon, do you? It's gone on for 15 years, and the product reaps millions per year. Well over one million folks follow Elf on the Shelf's Facebook page. 
   It's all creepy and weird to me. And now they have "girl" version. You can dress her as a mermaid (if you splurge on the mermaid tail). She's flat chested just like the guy, though. I'm suspect. 
   But wait, there's more: various stuffed animals like a St. Bernard that you MUST buy for your Elf. And skirts she can wear to the big little Elf prom. But the boy doesn't have any special attire. He's just a red suited anorexic. No worries, he's a star; the Elf on the Shelf DVD proves it. Don't miss out on any of the Elf on the Shelf books. That would make you a negligent parent or grandparent.
   Oy vey!

Claus Couture Collection<sup>®</sup> Merry Merry Mermaid: Scout Elf in Outfit
   Upon research, I've learned that others aren't thrilled either. In fact, over half a dozen folks who paid for a "girl" Elf on the Shelf with her skirts had this complaint:

1.0 out of 5 starsWatch out!! There is NO elf doll included with this skirt!Definitely thought this came with the elf as well. Am I that dumb? I don't think so, I think I was mislead. And the price was outrageous, so it seemed obvious that it comes with a doll! It does not. Why did I pay almost $20 for a skirt for an elf!!??And the worst part, I had to find an amazon drop off location to return it. Well, that drop off location was impossible to find. I walked around UCSD campus for 45 minutes looking for it! Serious joke. So I gave up, and now own this stupid expensive skirt. So irritated!

Imagine the horrors being stuck with Elf clothes but not having a body to put them on! Especially NOT during the holidays. I suppose you could gift the Olsen twins that tiny Elf skirt. Surely, they could both fit into it (at the same time).

1.0 out of 5 starsDescription did NOT accurately represent the actual product Was NOT clear on the ad about it being ONLY the sweaters for the elf on shelf. So once I purchased it, I had sweaters for an elf on the shelf.....but no elf on the shelf. 

Oh sweetie, you own little tiny Elf on the Shelf sweaters? Maybe you can keep your pinkie toes warm. Then go barefoot to your next ugly Christmas sweater party. I bet you'd be a winner!

And here's a question from one Elf on the Shelf customer, with an answer from another.

Question: My elf keeps watching me use the bathroom. Help?
Answer: Try closing the door. I'm guessing that your family is also getting a bit tired of watching.
Good answer! That elf is a perve.


What do you think of this Elfin craze, my friends?  
This Jewish gal says: Elf it!
 

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Martha Stewart Ruins the Holidays Again



Oh, my Dears,
Call her a place-holder for frenzied times, I call Martha Stewart an annoying narcissistic witch with a bold-faced "b." I'm sorry she finagled her way back onto Life by Chocolate. Excuse my holiday pudge too. I can't stop - too many good treats around here.
Be safe. Be warm. Be good to yourselves.
Love you.

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Comment Collage Starring YOU!

Dear Sillies,
Please keep yourselves warm and filled with chocolate and/or sweet things. And/or any things that make you feel good. I won't say more, lest I go into inappropriate weirdness. That's YOUR job today. Enjoy this comment collage, comprised of YOUR comments from the past couple of months.
Love ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debra She Who Seeks said You're the only person I know who wants a threesome with Bernie and the Pope. Susan Kane said Will Matt Damon be there? Let me know. Bathwater said Sounds very Californian. My Jeep Wrangler doesn't speak but it does cut through the snow like butter. Elephant's Child said Fanning myself, and loving your drive. Powdered Toast Man said You can't see me in the pic but I am hiding under the table.
Alex J. Cavanaugh said Mom! Go get your own turkey. Martha said What a wonderful idea. Sounds like so much fun!Pat Hatt said Well if you get to go on Noah's Ark, you get to go two by two, so there is that.Geo. said I shall be padlocking my gate and throwing a quilt over my car's back window.
Sherry Ellis said Oh, boy. I'll stay tuned to see what happens. Elizabeth Seckman said You should start a line of naughty greeting cards. mail4rosey said It's always the right thing to do though, if you've been prompted to do it.
sage said A little patience here, after a belly full of beer maybe there would have been another midnight ride. Bathwater said Way to leave us hanging.  Alex J. Cavanaugh said Keep treating because Trix are for kids! L. Diane Wolfe said 20 pounds is really big.Joanne said Wow! and Whoa!