Dear Sillies,
Please be safe and well, my friends. I mean, Hilary's a threat and all. (#Bernie4ever!)
As a person who's a little...well, little, I feel for the dwarfs. They didn't even get to audition for the Snow White movie. So I brought these cuties onto our stage for an interview.
Let's give a small warm welcome to...
The 7 dwarfs prance onto our stage in follow-the-leader fashion singing, "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to..." Robyn stands in front of Doc to stall their movement. Hi guys! They freeze.
Grumpy to Robyn: Get out of the way, tramp!
Sleepy falls down snoring.
Robyn: Oh, sweeties, I understand your upset. You were short-changed by Disney. They replaced you with stupid magical spirits.
Dopey (who can't even spell his name correctly for the group photo above): Wanna smoke? I got extra. Dopey shows Robyn a fistful of weed that he keeps stored in his lantern.
Happy, eying Robyn up and down: Hey, you're spendid. Too tall for me but weehee! I love this place!
Doc takes out a tape-measure and stretches it along Robyn's right calf. By my estimations, if you shrink three inches, you'll qualify for dwarf status.
Grumpy: *Bleep* this *bleep*!
Robyn: I agree. She winks at Grumpy.
Grumpy: Don't flirt with me, b****! I don't swing that way.
Robyn: No, I, well, let's get to the real question. Gentlemen, what really happened between you and Snow White on those wild nights in the woods?
Bashful turns red.
Doc and Happy give each other small high-fives and then launch into a series of synchronized little pelvic thrusts. Bow chicka bow wow ho, ho, ho, ho!
Sneezy: Aachooo!
Robyn finds Bashful snuggled up to her kneecaps, shaded from the stagelights by Robyn's big bosoms.
Grumpy makes a beeline for the exit. *Bleep* this *bleep*!
Robyn, to the audience: Sorry to cut things short. We've some micro-aggressions to deal with backstage.
She sighs and closes the stage curtains.
