One Rainbow Tribe, One Little Break

My Dearest and Silliest of Friends,
   I'll be taking a little break for approximately one week. Take care of yourselves, and know I'll be thinking about you.
   In the meantime, I leave you with one of my most recent poems. You can find this scroll in The Trumpeter's New Clothes. (Now in e-book for only $2.99!) My exceptional illustrator, Steve Ferchaud, created this illustration using real parchment paper. The message conveys my thoughts about humankind - its threats and its treasures.

PS In case you missed it, the book is here. Wink.
One rainbow tribe!
Love you.

Waverlywizwackyness, Martha's sexual fetishes, A-Z Challenge

When will it end? Why did I sign up? Why do I have so many wonderful followers when I'm such a wackadoodle? Why is Harry Potter wasting his charm and skills on Trump's head? He's cursing the Trump, we wish, want and will make it so. This WaverlyWizardoo will make things right where all orange evil is concerned. We're promised. And how can we not trust this Waverly Wizard? Look, even Trump is beginning to wonder if he shouldn't have purchased those golf bags on which he had these words engraved in gold: "President Trump, Dicktator of the Universe. I'm rich. I have billions. And I'm smart. I'm rilly smart." 

Wait, will Martha steal his thunder, or will she erupt some thunder of her own?

I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to keep things neat and tidy. So I've created Martha Stewart's Wafer-thin Windex Wipes for Wild Nights. Use them prematurely, during, or immediately after an unsightly mess ensues from a rough and wild night of passionate sex (alone, in the company of a well-endowed blow-up doll, or with a paid escort).
 

Volcaneckdoo, Trump and Martha - not again! A-Z Challenge

He's such an explosive hot-head, we thought it fitting to place this volcanic neck on Trump's scalp. It's called Shiprock, so he likes it. Trump figures it comes from the town of Bedrock and that he's now President of the Waterbuffalos.

"Mexicans are gonna pay for it," he says smugly. "Oh yeah, they'll pay. We're gonna make 'em. Hey, is Pebbles of legal age yet? Man, I have a thing for red heads with bones in their hair. Did I mention that if my daughter weren't my daughter I'd boink her? She's a sex-pot."

Robyn: You're a sick, sick, evil, twisted, racist, hateful, ignoramus, sir.
Trump: Hey, I like sex, and a man has his rights, whether or not he's married. I have no problems in that area. Believe me, I have no problems. But shut your trap little runt about the amus. That's not my thing, you pervert!

Robyn raises her longest finger as she notices a wet yet clean beaver, a special vacuum, and Martha Stewart's upper half. "Crap. So sorry, my friends."

"Hi, I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to clean up inside. You never know when you might have visitors. For that reason, I designed the Vaginal Vacuum. It's lightweight, easy to operate, and it bends with my intricate cobwebs, jolting speed bumps, and glaring road-blocks. Vacuum any time you like, day or night. You can purchase Martha Stewart's Vaginal Vac for  only $899. Batteries not included. Remember, a clean beaver always finds more wood."

The Ushdoo, Martha's Umbrella, A-Z Challenge

Usher: Free me! Let my people go!
Robyn: Wh-wait? Usher, you celebrate Passover? That's hot!

Usher: I don't know what you're talking about, ma'am. I jus was tryin' to get my suitcase back from Trump Towers.
Robyn: Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't think you'd mind doing the Ushdoo. And Trump asked for one of those "Brown people" so he looks like he's not racist. And you're a cute one.

Usher, nodding: I know.

Trump:   Look, Usher, I told you 11 years ago I'd take care of it. Didn't I? I'm kinda busy, in case you didn't notice. I'm a very busy man. I'm a very smart man too. And I'm rich. I have billions of dollars. I'm very, very rich. I like Blacks and coloreds and some of the Mexicans are my servants. The others, though, they ruin our country. The Mexican Muslims are terrorists. Let's make America hate again! I mean, let's make America great again! And why'd you leave your suitcase at the reception area of a hotel with $100,000 of stuff in it? Are you mentally impotent? I'm very smart. And rich. I'm really rich...

On-line article dated 04/18/2005 AT 09:00 AM EDT

ROBBED: Usher claims a suitcase of his containing $100,000 worth of belongings was taken Friday from New York's Trump International Hotel by someone posing as a member of his posse, reports the New York Post, which also quotes Donald Trump as promising to make good on the loss. "I told him we'll get it solved," The Apprentice host said. Trump adds, referring to the missing article: "I'm trying to figure out why somebody would leave a bag at the front desk."

Martha: Did someone say "escort"? Oh, that was "Usher." Never mind. But look at me, folks. Ignore those two. I can't stand it when other people get attention.
 

"I'm Martha Stewart, and let's face it, everyone wants a piece of me. So I created the Umbrella Hair Collector. It fits snuggly around my neck for around-the-clock usage. It's waterproof, so there's no need to remove it before showering.  The soft neutral gray adds a splash of color to otherwise drab white outfits. I shed, oh, about half a dozen times per day. By the end of one week, the Umbrella Hair Collector has enough of my hair to provide the entire city of New Haven with at least one follicle per person. Each follicle, strand, or half of a split-end costs a mere $6.99. What's more, it's a piece of me, Martha Stewart. What could be better? Well...Martha blushes...besides, you know.  Yeah, a well-endowed blow-up doll in my apple orchard with an egg-beater. *F*ck yeah!*"

Trump's Pineappledoo, A-Z Challenge

Did you know that it takes nearly three years for a pineapple to reach maturation? We at Life by Chocolate figured it's worth a try (yeah, we're idealists who feel the Bern), so we slapped a big pineapple on Trump's head. We'll check on him in 2019 in hopes of finding a semblance of maturation.

"Oh I have no problems with size," Trump declares as he points up at the Pineappledoo. "Just ask any of the women from my show, and look at this. It's big. Oh yeah, it's big. You'll say, 'Wow, President Trump, how'd you grow it so big?' And the Muslims in Mexico are gonna pay for it too."


Music: Trump Song

Katydoo, A-Z Challenge

As Hillary ponders WWBD? WWBD? (What would Bernie do? Repeat.), her most enthusiastic cheerleader, Katy Perry, decides to gain attention by jumping atop Trump's head. Boasting an H on her left boob and with her hair tucked into a trendy patriotic flag turbin, Katy shouts "Let's go Hillary! Roar! Roar! Ya'all need to vote for her! Roar!"

Hillary begins to wonder about Katy's intellect (that is, whether or not Katy has any intellect).

Trump considers how he can see what's going on up there, because he really likes women. "They say I hate women," he barks, grabbing his crotch. "I like women, believe me. I have no problems with women, except that cow Rosie O'Donnell."

Strange times, indeed.

This ensemble is the Katydoo.
Music: I Kissed A Girl ~ Parody. Note: Our cast and crew suspect that Trump is disguised as the old woman in this video.

Jaggerdoo Jamboree, A-Z Challenge

It's getting stranger and stranger around here. For one, Trump's boasting a Jaggerdoo.

And Martha's so excited by the Jaggerdoo, she brought her Redneck buddies for a raucous co-ed clothing optional down 'n dirty mud-wrestling Jamboree.

Recommended side dish for this J compilation: Barbecued Tongue  

Music: Moves Like Jabba

Ivanadoo, A-Z Challenge

Next up: the Ivanadoo.

The Ivanadoo is Trump's attempt to combine his disturbing orange mofo presence with a slick, sexy appeal. It appears Trump's servants are jealous that they weren't chosen for this doo. I told 'em: "Look, chicks, he needed some sex-appeal and intellect up there, and while she ain't Eleanor Roosevelt or Whoopi Goldberg, she did divorce him long ago. She's at least a little bit smart. And she's fairly hot too." They cried to their limo driver, who happily escorted them to his chambers.

Oh no, not again! F*k!!! SO SORRY!! Dangit, Martha, I told you to get lost! She's back again. I can't seem to keep her away.  Forgive me, friends. Please!

I'm Martha Stewart, and my attempts to get *bleep'd* haven't worked. So I've taken matters into my own hands. I bought something at Nymph I Am, signed it with my name, and priced it fairly reasonably. This pretty pink glow-in-the-dark -- Martha holds up her index and third fingers, then curls them over to form quotation marks -- "massager" acts as an Instant Invigoration Item. The shaft is flexible and bends with the contours of your vaginal canal. Best yet, you can adjust the speed for a comforting, soothing evening alone or a rough night of sock-it-to-me sex for one. Either way, you'll glow with pleasure for hours. And you'll have me to thank. *Wink.*

BerrAssmentDooDoo, Cabargagedoodoo: A-Z Challenge

    My friends, it seems Donald Trump's men are actually reviewing public statements about him and somehow, they found my blog! Thus, I'm being sent to the US-Mexican border to work on a wall. I shouted, "Let my people go!" But I was told to shut the f*ck up and cross the sea. I said, "Look, orange mofo, there's no sea between us and Mexico." Trump appeared confused by that, flipped me off, grabbed his crotch, and walked away. At any rate, I won't be finished for a couple days --I know, strong as I am, that's a big border, so I'm going to post B and C now.

The BerrAssmentdoodoo works in synchronicity with a nice glass of Rose O'Donnell or for the non-drinker, orange mofo juice.

Subtle but loud, the Cabargagedoodoo mixes well with a splash of mayo to the nose or crotch region.

Music: Orange Mofo With a Fungus on His Head.

 

The Orange Mofo With a Fungus on His Head ~ My First Rap!

Dear Sillies,
This isn't a political post. If it were, I'd tell you that I'm voting for...Let's just say my bud CW Martin calls me a "reasonable Communist." CW is so right, too.
And now onto my first rap "song." Hope you enjoy!

The extraordinarily fun and funny, sassy and silly Janie Junebug is posting something special here today. I'm honored. Kindly visit and follow, if you aren't already. Janie's a gracious hostess.

Thank you, friends.
Take care.

Avoid the fungus, unless you like mushrooms (mushroom and pineapple pizza is my favorite), and keep a smile.