Go Away, Creepsterinos! Stop Stalking Me

My Dear Sillies,

I’m far beyond annoyed with internet creepsters. From now on, this will resemble my discourse with every creepsterino who “friends” me:

Creepsterino: Hello 👋 it’s nice to meet you and how are you doing today?

THEN, before I respond, but after I block him, which apparently

didn't take: Can you understand what I am saying?

Me: Yes. Since you just want to be friends like all the others, I need to know if you are honest. Send me your full legal name, plus credit card number with expiration date and CVC code. (Hint: This code is on the back of the card; you need to turn it over.) If you don't have a credit card, don’t worry! I’ll just take your social security number. Next, my boyfriend will run a security clearance check within 72 hours! Sorry for the delay, but he’s screening 286 men before you. A woman must be careful. Surely such a nice, intellectual man like yourself can appreciate that.

Me, before he responds: For the sake of full transparency, this is my boyfriend. Can you understand what I am saying?

Be well, my Darling Sillies.

May you have no creepsterino visits. If you do, I'll send my sweetheart over to make sure that said creepsterino can understand. Afterall, that's what friends are for. 

Love, hugs, and chocolate!

Step Aside Barbie World, Bring Back Skipper! But Stick Around, Ryan Gosling!

Dear Sillies,

What's with all the Barbie World hulabaloo? Actually, it does look to be an entertaining movie. Thing is, I wasn't a Barbie girl. First is the worst, afterall. But the second sister? She's far and away the best. Bring back Skipper!

My brother cut my Skipper's hair when we were youngins. I was, naturally, enraged. Horrified. Never let it go (clearly). Skipper's hair would NEVER grow back. Sigh. Now, I'd love to give bro a high-five. I mean, come on. She's cute with a bob. It was a brilliant move, far ahead of his time. 

Skipper's the cuter, smarter, sassier of 'em. Yet the second child gets neglected. Maybe because she's just plain hotter AND cooler than Barbie. And that streak of purple hair puts Barbie's basic blonde to shame. Look at her. She obviously has more personality too. 

Let's not forget the other Skipper played by Alan Hale, Captain Jonas Grumby, from Gilligan's Island. "Skippppperrrr!" shouted by Gilligan every twelve minutes. So manly and competent, he never thought about a way to get off the island. I think he had the hots for MaryAnn. We all did. Am I right? She looked like Skipper!

In sum, I'm campaigning for a Skipper movie in Alan Hale's blessed memory. Ryan Gosling gets to play Ken in this one too. He's adorable. See his dancing on the Mickey Mouse Club in the 1990s. Charming cutie!

Naturally, I'll play Skipper, who'll go more ginger for this to-be hit. Can't wait.

Cheers, chocolates, and love to you!

Happy Independence Day, John Hancock Erotica!

Dear Sillies,
Happy Independence Day. 
Wherever you are, may you appreciate and enjoy your many freedoms.
Sorry to bring back this unsightly cockamany!

Love you.