“I double-dog dare ya to go in,” Johnny challenged. He was cute so I acted brave.
My Story, Yours Too.
Friday, October 15, 2021
Tuesday, October 5, 2021
Monday, September 27, 2021
At long last, summer's over. I hope the change in seasons brings you renewed vigor and hope, pretty leaves and sunsets, and yummy treats.
JT bought this for me. Its weirdness beckons a review. Hammond's Chicken and Waffle with syrup chocolate bar. I mean, what the heck? Let's pack everything for a full meal into a little chocolate bar. We both tried it and . . .
We both failed to detect the chicken, or the waffle, or the syrup. It was salty, a salty and crispy chocolate bar. It contains chicken soup mix and vanilla wafer cookies. Let me break it down for you: It's bad. Don't try it, my Sillies. I'd give it a 1 out of 10.
Now let's talk Clint Eastwood. Remember him? The hot studly man who's made 40+ movies. He's 91 now. And because I - gosh, golly - love JT, I agreed to see Cry Macho with him. It's Eastwood's latest flick. Let me break that one down for you, my Sillies: It's really bad.
But Eastwood's sincerity and compassion still shine. He's still got it, depending upon how far we stretch the definition of "it." I mean, those seductive scenes with hot women half his age - way too awkward. The acting and plot are far from believable. But I gotta give him credit for being 91 and still kicking (and punching and alluring women half his age). So if you want to see this one, keep your expectations low. JT (dis)liked it equally.
As you gathered, the guy and I are still going and going strong. He's a cutie, right? In fact, a bit Eastwood-esq, would you say? I'm still holding my breath. It'll be 4-months soon . . .
Pretty sure I nabbed a good one this time. Finally.
I love you, Sillies.
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
I'm tickled that my writing's reached a new segment of our population: tots. I mean, I don't recommend it for children. However, I readily approve this precious toddler's perusal of Woman on the Verge. She's a friends' child. This wasn't staged. No, this doll grabbed the book from the front room bookshelves, and flipped through it within seconds. I believe her review sounded something like: "k,k, caa daa yip, *hiccup*, *sweet, confused blank stare*, and then 'This book's a hoot!'" WOOHOO! It's every author's dream!
Be well and safe.
I love you.
Introduction: Is it Just Me?
Musings swirl. Then twirl. And hurl. They contort into skilled, agile backflips across a sleek narrow balance beam twisting gracefully to land with breasts pumped outwards. An enthused series of tens from all but the Russian judge ignites suspicion. What a piss ass. He probably needs to get laid. Oy. Why do I go there?
Sh*t, is it just me or are everybody’s braincells mysteriously busy boogers, frenetically body-slamming against each other’s elastic membranes, then rebounding full-speed ahead like Martha Stewart at the mention of Chippendale’s most girthy, barely-of-age hottie?
Am I crazy? Am I not crazy? If I’m crazy, am I crazy for thinking I’m not crazy? But if I’m not crazy, am I not crazy for thinking—my musings hurt. That’s it; I’m not crazy. No? No, no?
Oh all right, yes. Yes, yes. Check box one, check box two. Cash? No, check. Check please.
I hate waiting for the check. You know? They’re never quick to bring it. Bring the damn check! Twenty minutes later they act all smiley, flip it under your nose, and say “Take your time.” I already did, honey, waiting for you to bring the damn check! Oy.
Warmed bed sheets brush briskly against my right calf...
Monday, September 6, 2021
If you feel old, consider this: The Jewish people are beginning our 5,782nd year. I know. Oy vey.
Left to right: Dawn, Glenn, me, 1969. (Brother, Jonathan, was a mere embryo at the time. Photos not available.)
Coincidentally, Rosh Hashanah falls on Labor Day this year.
Please take time to reflect on the human warriors who sacrificed their lives for our labor rights (e.g., the ability to work under safe conditions, to be free from workplace discrimination, etc.) Many on our soil remain enslaved in various ways. Thus, let's heed the call to continue to press for justice in our localities, and throughout the greater, great world.
Happy New Year, Friends.
Wednesday, August 25, 2021
Tuesday, August 17, 2021
Remember when 23andMe was all the rage? My sister asked if I'd tried 23andMe, but I'd not yet heard of it. Thus my mind went to inappropriate terrain. Naturally.
Thursday, August 5, 2021
Your warm-loving playfulness gives me plenty of reason to love you. Your comments give me plenty of material for entertainment too. Here are your recent comments, my Dears, weirdly ordered.
No blasphemy intended. Just good, naughty fun.
Alex J. Cavanaugh Drunk Jesus. Not an image one wants in one's head.
Janie Junebug said I want details and pictures.
Geo. said I happen to know Jesus and He drinks wine, never beer. Check his hands for stigmata.
Yvonne said Stop looking for red flags. If there are any, you will see them.
Geo. Yikes!--in my 70s it's my Mantra, not a judgement.
Mary Kirkland said I don't give two birds about what celebrities do. They live in another dimension it seems most of the time.
presstfortime said Ahh, finally some real important news!
Moving with MitchellWell, Jesus loves you.
Birgit said I am already bored with all that love.
Thursday, July 29, 2021
Excuse me for a moment. I've gotta chat with J. Lo. Apparently, the most earthshaking event of the day is that she reunited with Ben Affleck. Really? I mean, Ben Affleck? We gotta talk.
Robyn turns to J. Lo. behind her, lounging on a beach-chair with martini in hand, surrounded by sprinklings of sand below Life by Chocolate's studio in clearly-not-for-profit blogland. Girlfriend, really? Ben Aff. . . licted-by-his-filthy-riches-and-egomaniacal-vapid-bro-dom? I mean, sweetie, he's 48! I thought you prefer 19 year olds, or A-Rod.
J. Lo: Smile. Parade wave for the paparazzi. Everyone loves me, I know. Smile.
Robyn: You do have a sexy smile, and sexy -- Robyn scans J. Lo's body -- everything. As far as I can tell. Wink. Robyn eyes J. Lo's plump, perky breasts. She wipes her forehead, as saliva drips from her lips. Whewee. You're on--stay out of California, honey. We're having enough fires! Robyn giggles. Sorry, I just got way too hot. Robyn looks at the camera. She takes a deep breath to re-set.
J. Lo: Oh, I know I do. Everyone loves me, I know.
Robyn: Let's get a bit personal, okay?
J. Lo: Purse, purse an ole? Ooh, girl, I've got me some 1,200 Christian Eeyors in my closet, where the maids live.
Robyn rolls her eyes. I prefer the Jewish Winnies myself. Plus no maids; a swiffer gets the job done. Honey, good thing you don't have to be smart to look good. But Ben's a homely man. He must have brains, unless Matt Damon is all the brains on that team. And cuteness, and virtue and personality. Which he is, by the way. Too bad you couldn't have a real man like Matt Damon. But he's taken. Lucky wife, lucky life, you know what I'm sayin'? Anyway, that boring dude of yours, Ben? Does he ever . . . does he ever, you know . . . Wink . . . smile?
J. Lo: Oh yeah, when I -- J. Lo. and Robyn start whispering, giggling, and then we cut to a commercial about a pill for the 48 year old haughty who can't...smile.
Thursday, July 22, 2021
To recap, Jesus had interrupted our discourse two nights earlier; drunken Jesus needed a ride home. Justin Two (JT) said he'd be at this night's show, though.
Without a way to contact JT, I sat on a wooden bench in front of the stage, pretending to not be nervous about whether or not he'd show. I hope, hope, hope he shows. Nah. Don't get your hopes up. Forget about him. They always disapp-- JT came strolling through the area, confidently. He wore a friendly grin and casual attire.
I approached with arms extended.
"I'm the hugging type," I said. "Hope that's o--" JT wrapped his sturdy forearms around me for a brief embrace.
Thursday, July 15, 2021
I met someone a while ago, Bruce. He's very handsome. And very married. But wait...some men have friends.
Early last month, Bruce showed up to the patio where I perform open-mic comedy. See, Bruce started to do standup too.
His male friend sat across from me at a picnic table that evening.
Looks nice, defined cheek bones, muscular arms. "Hi, I'm Robyn," I extended my hand.
"I'm Justin,"* he smiled, conferring a handshake.
*Justin isn't really Bruce's friend's name. Justin's an alias for the love of my life's name in Woman on the Verge of Paradise. That man's real name was Bruce's friend's real name. I'd vowed to never date another with same name.
But the name similarity didn't cross my mind. Yikes. That's how a gal gets into trouble, right? Deny the red flags.
Justin and I chatted after the show until Jesus Christ--well, a comic who looks like the Western culture's image of Jesus-- interrupted. This hippie Jesus asked, "Robyn, I hate to bother you, but can I get a ride home?"
Shit, Jesus. Why me? Why now? "Car problems?"
"Nah, I'm just drunk."
I couldn't let drunken Jesus take the wheel. Damn. I turned to Justin,"I'm sorry. I'm performing on Saturday night, though. Eight o'clock."
"I'll see you then."
I left, thinking of Justin, as I dropped Jesus off in a dark alley. (The nice housing is only for the entitled richie riches around here.)
Stay hot. Stay cool.
Feel loved. You are.
Sunday, July 4, 2021
Sorry. I mean, for Martha Stewart and/or anything else you don't care to see herein. Smiles.
Have a safe, grateful Independence Day and week.
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
I had a Birthday yesterday, a very Happy one.
Age is a weird thing that I've kept under the radar.
Guess how old I am now.
Look who signed my Birthday cake!
We'll just excuse the shaky writing. Bernie Sanders is approximately twice my age but still the one. Gosh darn, that Bernie.
Monday, June 21, 2021
Wednesday, June 16, 2021
Wait, I was going to explain the poor timing. It was filmed in late April for a local radio station fundraiser; I'm just now getting the video. I'm also just now realizing it's still Spring for a handful more days. Right? Whoosh. Not too late to share.
One person disliked it. Seriously? Only one? (I have haters. They hate my bold, feminine honesty and local fight for justice.) Clearly, their urges have yet to be sated.
Cheers, my dears.
Thursday, June 10, 2021
Remember my stagehand, Macaulay Culkin? Ever since he stormed off of Life by Chocolate's set, which I don't understand because I cut him a fair deal (he still owes me $2,500), he's been falling into deeper depths of bizarre and disconcerting shamefulness.
That once adorable child actor from Home Alonehas a coloring book in his honor.
MACAULAY CULKIN: AN ADULT COLORING BOOK: A Macaulay Culkin Coloring Book For Adults
*An awesome unofficial Macaulay Culkin-inspired, biographical coloring book
*Perfect for relaxation and stress relief
*2 copies of each image, for two chances to color!
*Rad original designs, from Scribble Press!
I mean, would coloring this picture bring you zen? (I'd be more inclined to start a serious drug habit.)
If you're interested you can find this treasure for anywhere between $9 and $16.99. Published in 2019, it's been reviewed anywhere between zero to zero times, my friends! But don't worry, two people gave it a five-star rating. I wonder who the second person was, or if Macaulay has a second account under an alias.
In other words, YOU HAVE TALENT and gifts and joy to share with the world. Please do. It'll help balance out the ugly nonsense out there.
Wednesday, June 2, 2021
Dearest Sillies of the most hot, cool and Silly ~
What's not to like about June?
There's our Janie Junebug, owned by Franklin and Penelope - We all love this Junebug's saucy wit and heartfelt hilarity.
There's this regular, non-saucy June Bug ~ red-brown beetles that move around frenetically in the Northern Hemisphere on warm evenings.
There's the Beaver's sweet and innocent Mommy, June Cleaver (actress Barbara Billingsley)
It's my Birthday month too.
For those who read this far, remember when I told you that I did a naughty performance in Lake Tahoe? Psst, this link should take you there. I warned ya.
Stay cool, my hotties!
Wednesday, May 26, 2021
I went away last week, and I returned this week.
My love bug nephew in So Cal (the chocolate-smudged cutie in the right side-bar of this page) had his big day. Finally.
Jeremy turned 13 just as news of COVID broke. His big day was thus canceled, rescheduled, canceled, and re-scheduled again. In the meantime, his 14th Birthday went by.
His last living grandparent, now 91, had a big health scare and went from her nursing home to the hospital. She pushed through and attended his Bar Mitzvah this past weekend. Approximately 70 people did, including me.
With only three weeks to learn and re-learn the service -- we got news about the temple's tenuous future, so the family had to plan quickly-- he led the service eloquently. I was and still am k'velling (boasting, expressing pride).
When did he grow to be so tall?! I look up to him even more than it appears here. He's more resilient,compassionate, patient, and mature than me. He's also very clever and witty.
In his speech, Jeremy thanked his parents for "giving me the freedom and opportunities to choose my own spiritual path." He's chosen both Judaism and Christianity. We're all very proud.
If you're wondering, the proper greeting for an event like this is "Mazel Tov." This means "congratulations."
Thank you, and I love you, my dears.
Tuesday, May 18, 2021
I've been very fortunate to embark on exciting getaways these days, despite the pandemic.
Mother's Day weekend found me in glorious Lake Tahoe on the CA-Nevada border. (I'm late on posting this, I know.). Thing is, I went there for a show. Well, more specifically, I went to perform in said show!
The marquee reads "Funnyball Comedy." This comedy included headliner Johnny Taylor, five other male comic friends, and...Me. The guys are all very nice. There was no ego to deal with. Johnny's a talented, witty, and humble gentleman.
Yeah, I've been doing standup comedy for approx three years. A friend from Chico moved to Nevada and arranged the show. He booked me as the only woman in the show. Woohoo!
It was one of the best weekend's of my life. I was treated like a celebrity and felt like one. They comped our rooms, drinks, and gawked over us. I made friends, fans, and had an all-out remarkable time.
I'd post the video of my 10-minute standup set, but I can't. Not because it's too naughty. I mean, it IS too naughty to post. But I don't yet have the full video. I'm still waiting on it from a comic friend who filmed the whole thing.
Here, I'm taking in the ambience before driving back home from the experience of a lifetime.
Tuesday, May 11, 2021
The warm weather provides excuse for my latest indulgence. As do you.
So here I am with some Ben and Jerry's Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert. As labeled, it packs "caramel with fudge chips, graham cracker swirls and chocolate cookie swirls." I know, right? But hear me out: It's NON-DAIRY and thus well, never mind. It's not at all healthy. It's healthier than ice cream, however, and I wouldn't have guessed it's non-dairy.
The base tastes like smooth butter cream. The swirled chocolate-graham cracker-cookie mix tastes divine. I have no words, except to say I'd take a knee for it. It earns a 9 on my 1-10 scale.
Stay sweet, cool, and silly, my dears. xo
Monday, May 3, 2021
Tuesday, April 27, 2021
Green, green, green.
Wednesday, April 21, 2021
How are you, my friends? Please be and treat yourselves well.
In the midst of things, I tried to experience that Berning sensation that my favorite senior man incites. So I sampled a snack, Western Cocoa Cayenne - granola with cocoa nibs, cayenne pepper, and other yummy stuff. It's very low in sugar and thus a healthy snack for me. I'm trying to cut down. Sort of. Smiles.
I've mixed it with some cashew yogurt (also very low in sugar). Mmm. It's good. Unfortunately, though I wore my favorite t-shirt*, this didn't get me there. I'd describe the flavor as sweet, fruity, crunchy, and rustic. *("Feel the Bern 2016") It has a bit of a kick; no burn, though. None at all. A bit disappointing. It's a yummy snack, though. I'd recommend making it yourself with a mix of nuts and cocoa nibs, perhaps some cranberries or raisins. Otherwise, it's not worth the $7. I give it a 5 out of 10. My tens are reserved for the man himself. Because I love him.
Monday, April 12, 2021
James: Your profile got my attention 😊 , I am 55 yrs old mistake on my age 😊
(Note: Age says 62.) Work as a Senior Project Architect and a project coordinator who supports project managers on major projects. You do more projecting than a frat boy during pledge week, sweetie.Robyn: How is it that there was a mistake on your age, James? You can simply go into your profile, click on the pencil/edit icon, and change it. James: so what you do work ?
Robyn: Are you really that stupid that you can't figure out how to change your age on your profile, even though I gave you the simple instructions to do that? For work, I'm a special agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigations.
James: Awww thanks . Have a mixed background and an interesting heritage ( Swedish and Italian). I enjoy the small things in life. Would be lovely to take this wonderful conversations ahead , please leave me with contact lets connect on the phone lol
Robyn: Awww yes. I cannot wait to get ahead with you and check out your blue prints lol I don't like small things. I'm sure yours, being part Italian, is like a fat and long sausage. Call me at (415) 926-5818. *
James: Awww thanks, would text you tomorrow
*That number is a San Francisco area number for ordering Viagra discreetly. You can thank me discreetly too. Wink.
Thursday, April 8, 2021
As soon as he bit into the salmon, Clark felt sick. A few minutes later, I was politely, apologetically asked to leave.
What a disappointment.
"How about if I bring you some homemade matzo ball soup?" I offered the next day. Good move, right? I'd win him over for sure.
My soup turned out great. Clark appreciated it so much that he bargained for potato latkes next. I agreed, with a playful (but serious) disclaimer, "That's going to be it for my Jewish dishes, though."
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
Tuesday, March 23, 2021
Spring hath sprung. Urges are surging, as Easter and Passover come close. Thus, a few friends and I are here to deliver Springtimerotica.
Monday, March 15, 2021
You got this, my friends. You've come this far. We're here for each other, and Saint Patty's is upon us. Now go expose that shamrock and reap good luck of the most thrilling kind. Wink.
Monday, March 8, 2021
Alright, alright, I won't be such a tease. Well, I will, but I'll try to not keep you hanging for too long...It's not nice. Guys don't like that. You don't either, and that's why I love ya.
Despite his grammatical challenges, and a significant size differential between us, I liked Huey's genuinely sweet demeanor. So we hung out. Err, he hung out and got me up and down and sideways and backwards and all around. He's strong and flexible that way.
I gotta say, though, I had severe performance anxiety every time. Huey
is a man of girth - you know what I mean? (Psst: It's not Jewish.) I was astounded by the sight. We worked it out, though, and I survived unscathed.
Huey and I took walks and went to shows and stuff too, but you don't care about that. (That's another reason I love you. You cheer when I get some).
A few months into our courtship, I was certain that Huey's funny. I appreciated his sweetness. He's sincere and warmloving too. And Huey's honest. So honest that he told me he doesn't want to hurt me. Thus, to preempt this, Huey told me that we should have an open relationship.
"I don't feel like you're the one, and I'm not breaking up with you, but if you're open to dating other people...?"
I thought about it. No, I didn't really think about it. "No. That won't work for me, Huey." Damn tears.
Huey and I are still friendly and cordial. I was hurt and sad, of course. But there was no malice. That's relieving.
And honestly, between you and me, my Sillies, it's a relief to not feel the pressures of having so much to take in. You know?
Wednesday, March 3, 2021
Tuesday, February 23, 2021
You know that hangry feeling? Yeah, I was feeling it and grabbed a hangry bar - milk chocolate with Jalapeno and pretzels.
It tasted great and chocolatey sweet, until...
Monday, February 15, 2021
Excuse the delay, but we interrogated King Putinontheritz regarding one suspicious ballot.* He said only "Nyet?" We didn't know what to do next, so we sent it to Florida. They shouted, "We took him back. What more do you want?" and tossed the ballot in his hole. I mean, in Mar a lago's 13th hole. It mattered not. Not every vote counts. (What do you think this is, Canada?)
It was close, my friends. Votes were all over the place.
*Here's the ballot in question:
With or without voter fraud, we have one clear winner. Her entry is poignant. It's succinct, and it's beautifully hateful. CONGRATULATIONS, L. Diane, Spunk on a Stick!
Give me your heart...so I can grind it into the dirt.
Diane will receive a package catered to her individual needs and preferences. I believe you don't eat chocolate-gasp!, Diane, so we'll work around that. Please have your people contact mine at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. Thank you.
Thank you all for entering and voting!
CONGRATULATIONS to a most worthy winner!
Thursday, February 11, 2021
Penis Van Lesbian (aka Dick Van Dyke)meets a young girl and marries her.
The broad likes very wrinkly things hanging low. Idiot
Just give me sex...
Wait, did I say that out loud?
Wine and me
no room for thee
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I would rather be alone in my bed,
than share it with you.
2020 Valentine's seemed like bliss
2021 lockdown - wear our best sweats, kiss
stop looking, breathing, chewing, being, I hiss
go zoom on the moon, your face I won't miss
See Dick and Jane. See Dick try to give Jane his dick
on Valentine's Day. See Jane remove Dick's dick. See Dick cry. Boofuckinghoo,
Give me your heart...so I can grind it into the dirt.
Kid, you've thrown me deep into last century --Dylan, Baez: "Love is just a four-letter word", but it's more powerful than all other words combined. Be my Valentine. (29 words)