InSanity~Normalize, Don't Stigmatize Mentall Illness.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Fear and Bridges, Kol HaOlam Kulo

  In my nearly eight years of blogging, I've never felt stuck like this. It's not a "writer's block" stuck. That one's easily cured by a brisk walk or a nice, warm chocolate chip cookie. Or two. [Okay, three, and then I'll stop for now.] No, this sensation resists a quick fix. It's more profound and contentious than that.  
   "Go write through it," I tell myself, watching my fingers meander the keyboard. "Go . . . write . . . through . . . it." But how? What do I write? Back to sillies? More dating-fails? Pretend life goes on as usual?
   Dears, I'm scared. I'm scared for humankind; scared for myself; scared for my loving nephew; scared because the number of visits to Out of the Darkness (for suicide prevention) keeps rapidly increasing; scared of much more than I can articulate. And this damn fear creeps in, time and again, dropping me into a numbed stupor followed by brief bouts of tears. 
   There's a song in Hebrew: "Kol HaOlam Kulo." I learned it decades ago, and it's been sung widely for centuries. The hymn's message is this: "All the world is a narrow bridge. The most important thing is to not be afraid." That translation never quite worked for me, though, because fear is human. Instead, I take from the song: "The most important thing is to not be stopped by fear." 
   And so I won't. I haven't. We won't, and we can't. There's too much at stake. We need to realize that the elite few want to keep us not only paralyzed in fear, but divided as well. 
   We need to push through fear together, to manifest and appreciate moments of humankindness. It was in every earnest fist bump and "I'll miss you too" that I received before Thanksgiving from teen boys who'd been  demoted to alternative high school for "delinquent" behaviors. It's in a child's handwritten sign on the front lawn of a Berkeley Elementary School: "Love trumps hate." It's in my friend Ken's message from across the country and the other side of a false political divide: "Don't be scared pretty lady. Keep writing."
   Humankindness. Community. Love. It's our most powerful weapon for building bridges that will ultimately lead to a better world. Together and in spite of fear, that's not just our challenge. It's the most important thing.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Thanksgiving Erotica, Let the Basting Begin

You're smart and witty. Perhaps you have insight into this random statement - one that equates me with a snowflake.
James Farmer Robyn Alana Engel you are so lost. Another snowflake in life. 

This means I'm a crystal of snow, but what do I know? I'm a native Californian. And I'd simply promoted lovingkindness on Facebook. Again. Snowflakes are beautiful, am I right? I haven't been so complimented by an insult since I was called a "provocateur" last week. I'm liking this hate; it's good for my ego.

Anyway, sillies, please take gentle care. Life is too precious and too challenging. And you're too important to me. 

Whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving, may you experience sincere gratitude this week and season.


Saturday, November 12, 2016



We don’t know why.
We don’t know how.
All we know is what is now.
In now there’s hope, and breath, and life.
In now there’s poise to meet the strife.
In now resides all that we need
to face the tides ’til storms recede.

A glass half empty’s just as full.
The heart lifts more than sorrow’s toll.

We don’t know why.
We don’t know how.
All we know
is what is 

By me, 2011, and painting by me, 1981 (age 15)

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

November 9th, 2016, And The Orange Sun Rose

My friends,
I want to post something, to put out some message . . . it's not easy. I have only the same shock and spectrum of painful feelings you're experiencing, combined with a twisted knot in my belly. So for now, and it likely need not be said in this openhearted niche of the Internet world, I'm simply re-posting my facebook status/message.

Quit the blame! It's destructive. The best we can do is continue to fight on the side of kindness and fairness. I've been cyber-assaulted for nearly a year by "Progressives." I've been loved and supported by some "Republicans." Every thoughtful person weighed their decision heavily and made it. Respect and don't judge them for it. Clearly, political parties and labels have morphed into globs of ambiguous mess. The best we can do is help each other survive, support each other, be kind and loving. I'm not trying to go all corny, preachy, or idealistic. [I'm too cynical for that.] I AM trying to work my own way through this. We need each other. We can't let fear and evil win. Faith, Love, Hope, Breath. I love you all. 

Wait, dear bloggies,
Two more things.
1) One thing to celebrate - It's Bryan Pedas' Birthday. Think of all the dark humor this adds to his special day. I'm so sorry, Bryan. I love you; we all do. You've been an amazing friend.
2) I've been accused of being a "provocateur" because of arguments with some "left wingers" who don't appreciate my mini-lectures about kindness. I didn't know the word, so it required a search in Google Images. Whoa. I've never been so flattered by an insult. This photo isn't even from that page - those were too scandalous to post.

We're in this together. Let's hold each other up.
Love to you.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

The Orange Mofo With a Fungus on His Head: Trump the Trump

Dear Sillies,
It's been an exhausting near-year of election madness and hatefulness, right? Even for those of you laughing from afar. But we do have each other. And we have human kindness to share.
My love and apologies to you, as I bring back this rap once more.
After that, I'll return to some prose, mixed with holiday fun and erotica. I also have some men to catch you up on. Oy vey. I mean, I'm looking forward.
Be good to yourselves.