InSanity~Normalize, Don't Stigmatize Mentall Illness.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Day, A Child's Perspective

(A repost from last Memorial Day)

Here's my beloved nephew, Jeremy, when he was a wee 1.5 year old babe in July, 2008. Elmo and Jeremy are waving (Elmo, his hand, and Jeremy, the flag), reminding us to remember what's important this Memorial Day.

Above Jeremy is a "poem" by Auntie Robyn. I wrote that one at age 9. It was 1976. Thus, Vietnam had finally ended and teachers decided to start talking about the war. We were also enjoying all sorts of extravagant celebrations for the U.S. bicentennial.

Enjoy this "poem to think of." Perhaps it will make you think of, say, the construction of more forests to end annoyances to the animal kingdom, or, well, something else.

May it be a meaningful, peaceful and safe day.

With gratitude and blessings to all those who have served and will serve our country, and to all of their loved ones, for all time.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Remembering My Girl

“I don’t do plants or pets,” I always said. Pets are too much responsibility for the sake of inevitable grief. Cats, in particular, are just plain irritating. They get their hair into the dark recesses of your sofa, scratch up abstractions all over your skin, and never seem to settle into one mood state. Perhaps they are just a reminder of the female condition, and we women don’t need such reminders. Nor do you men. As for plants, I am greatly skilled at killing them off - even the plastic ones. Thus, I boycott both.
I met Naomi, though, when I first visited him. I’d had a rough day at work, and she instantaneously jumped on me to offer comfort. She’s afraid of people, so this was a good sign. In spite of myself, I let Naomi (aka “Nomezie”) become my girl immediately. Nomezie is quite a beauty. Isn’t she? 

Cats in general challenge us. They do not actually love unconditionally. They require loving treatment, and they have good instincts. If you are worthy, and if you adore them, they will reciprocate. If not, you have made an enemy for life, and you WILL regret it.

The thing about losing a cat, then, is that it can be really tough. Of course, losing a person is highly traumatic, but let me venture to say that losing a pet can actually be worse. I mean, they don’t have the capacity for malice. They don’t entangle us in tense interactions. They don’t leave the toilet seat up, nor do they toss their dirty undies on the couch. Seems I’m on a roll. I’ll save the rest for another post.

Anyway, cats keep us company when they want to, look after us when we need them to, and generally go about their business without asking much of anything in return. Keeping it real, human loss can be incredibly relieving. It’s sometimes uplifting to have all that tension gone in a snap. Pet loss, though, has no relief component. It’s just pure sadness.

Almost three years after meeting her, I had to relay a heartbreaking “goodbye.” Nomezie looked up at me with her big grey eyes that asked, “Why?” I had no answer, and I knew I would never see her again. I said “goodbye,” with all the strength I could muster, during visits to retrieve the last of my possessions. I thanked my girl for teaching me to love a cat. 

My sister, Dawn, lost her Shayna a few days ago. She’d been Dawn’s for almost 19 years. Admittedly, Shayna and I did not like each other very much. I finally realized this in the middle of the night as Shayna pounced on my face aggressively, while I slept on Dawn’s couch. The next day, when I was alone with Shayna in Dawn’s little apartment, I could not find her. I was distraught with fear that she had escaped. Turned out, Shayna was hiding in the closet all day long, until Dawn got home. Dawn was amused. Me, not so much. That’s how loyal Shayna was to Dawn, though. Yeah, that’s it. It wasn’t because of my “I hate cats, and I didn’t appreciate you pouncing on my face last night while I was asleep, because I hate cats” vibe or anything.

Rest in peace, Shayna. Thank you for watching out for Dawn all those years.
To My Dear Nomezie, mommy misses you very much. I really hope you are okay. Know that I still love you.
Now, I’m back to boycotting pets and plants, even plastic versions of either.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


This one's for BayGirl32, who put Willie Wonka to shame with her near perfect score (8 out of 10) on this week's challenging choco-quiz. What a relief! I mean, how would I have created a choco-award with a name like, say, AsBlackAsObama or PowderedToastMan? Phew! By the way, if you don't follow her fun blog, do! Her quick wit is as impressive as her choco-smarts.

Here's the test, with the correct answers bolded:
1. According to The Curtiss Candy Company, maker of the Baby Ruth bar, this candy bar was named after:
A. Baseball legend, Babe Ruth
B. Former president Grover Cleveland’s daughter (Baby Ruth was born in the White House. At age 12, she died very suddenly of diptheria - in January, 1904. So, while most believe the Baby Ruth bar was named after the baseball legend, The Curtiss Company claims to have named it after Ruth Cleveland.)
C. Chocolate connoisseur, Ruth Curtiss II
D. Dr. Ruth’s superego

2. True or false: Cocoa liquor contains no alcohol. (Feel free to eat and drive.)

3. What’s the American Milky Way bar called in England?
A. Mars Bar Good work, AsBlackAsObama.
B. Milky Way
C. Malto Bar
D. Roseanne Bar (aka Fat Arse)

4. Introduced in 1907, the Hershey’s bar cost a nickel until the price was raised to a dime in:
A. 1947
B. 1955
C. 1969 Credit to Cheeseboy & Tgo, who got this one right.
D. 1972

5. All of the following are chocolate related terms except:
A. Creaming Cheeseboy & Marlene got this one. A sexual term? Really? Oops.
B. Grinding
C. Conching
D. Winnowing

6. The Chocolate Train is located in what country?
A. China
B. Brazil
C. Canada
D. Switzerland

7. Reese’s peanut butter cup was introduced to the US in:
A. 1911
B. 1922
C. 1939
D. 1948

8. The first people to discover the wonders of chocolate were:
A. The Mayans
B. The Olmecs Per my bible (aka ChocolateSmarts), the Olmecs discovered chocolate well before the Mayans. It naturally follows that this was also well before the Flintstones enjoyed its wonders.
C. The Flintstones
D. The Aztecs

9. Eating dark chocolate can cause:
A. Acne
B. Twisted fantasies about Justin Bieber and his teddy bear No worries; this isn't true. Keep eating it.
C. Migraines
D. None of the above

10. The label below describes the “nutritional” contents of what candy. Hint: It’s my favorite.
A. M & M’s
B. Twix
C. Snickers
D. Junior Mints
Nutrition FactsServing Size1 cup (208.0 g) 1 box (1.48 oz) (42.0 g) 1 package (10433.0 g) 1 package (1.69 oz) (48.0 g) 1 serving (21.0 g) 10 pieces (7.0 g)Amount Per Serving:Calories 1023Calories from Fat 396% Daily Value*Total Fat 44.0g, 68%Saturated Fat 27.2g, 136%Trans Fat 0.3gPolyunsaturated Fat 1.9gMonounsaturated Fat 10.8gCholesterol 29mg, 10%Sodium 127mg, 5%Total Carbohydrates 148.1g, 49%Dietary Fiber 5.8g, 23%Sugars 132.5gProtein 9.0gVitamin A 8%Vitamin C 2%Calcium 22%Iron 13%*

A+: BayGirl32
A's: AsBlackAsObama with a very impressive, very close 7 out of 10! Now, stop teasing me by eating those pretzel m&m's and not sharing, kid!
Tgoette gets an A too! Studying all those labels paid off, Tgo!

B+'s: PowderedToastMan, TSHendrik
B's: Rachel, Marlene, Cheeseboy,Seductress, IT
B-'s and pretzel M&M's (stolen from AsBlackAsObama) for your efforts: SarahWriter, Copyboy
I can't go lower. It was a hard test, and you all did great to brave it.
I CAN give the rest of you F's, however. You are cute and all, but your answer sheets lacked answers. Today, you'll need to take the short bus home.

Class dismissed. Run along now, and enjoy some chocolate this weekend.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Thursday Sillies ~ Cartooning by my former self

I drew these silly cartoon people when I was 12. I guess I was always a bit bonkers. Otherwise, I was merely foretelling the men I'd end up dating. I don't know if "MYCHIEVIOUS" was purposefully written that way or accidentally misspelled. I mean, I'm sure I meant to butcher that word, for your enjoyment. [How is it spelled, anyway?]

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Hush, boys and girls! It's time for another Choco-Quiz. Are you ready? Too bad. Take out your #2's. I will have no cheating. Betty, did you hear that? (Copyboy, hide your paper this time). Cheeseboy, I hope the tutoring has paid off and you'll give this one a try, dear.

Take as long as you need (state Special Ed laws and all). Feel free to send the answers to my email directly through my profile page (especially you, Blase. I know you have my address. Wink, Wink.) or list them in the comments section. No, you just had a potty break, Seductress and Marlene. Don't think I don't see you eyeing Jimmy and Daniel on the playground. Sarah dear, win this one for the girls. Okay? You were close last time, but PowderedToastMan and TSHendrik took the win. They both got a big kiss from Obama. [Rumour has it the President tried to get away with more than a platonic kiss.] Of course, there will be another chocolately prize this time. Good luck!

1. According to The Curtiss Candy Company, maker of the Baby Ruth bar, this candy bar was named after:
A. Baseball legend, Babe Ruth
B. Former president Grover Cleveland’s daughter
C. Chocolate connoisseur, Ruth Curtiss II
D. Dr. Ruth’s superego

2. True or false: Cocoa liquor contains no alcohol.

3. What’s the American Milky Way bar called in England?
A. Mars Bar
B. Milky Way
C. Malto Bar
D. Roseanne Bar (aka Fat Arse)

4. Introduced in 1907, the Hershey’s bar cost a nickel until the price was raised to a dime in:
A. 1947
B. 1955
C. 1969
D. 1972

5. All of the following are chocolate related terms except:
A. Creaming
B. Grinding
C. Conching
D. Winnowing

6. The Chocolate Train is located in what country?
A. China
B. Brazil
C. Canada
D. Switzerland

7. Reese’s peanut butter cup was introduced to the US in:
A. 1911
B. 1922
C. 1939
D. 1948

8. The first people to discover the wonders of chocolate were:
A. The Mayans
B. The Olmecs
C. The Flintstones
D. The Aztecs

9. Eating dark chocolate can cause:
A. Acne
B. Twisted fantasies about Justin Bieber and his teddy bear
C. Migraines
D. None of the above

10. The label below describes the “nutritional” contents of what candy. Hint: It’s my favorite.
A. M & M’s
B. Twix
C. Snickers
D. Junior Mints

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size
1 cup (208.0 g) 1 box (1.48 oz) (42.0 g) 1 package (10433.0 g) 1 package (1.69 oz) (48.0 g) 1 serving (21.0 g) 10 pieces (7.0 g)
Amount Per Serving:
Calories 1023
Calories from Fat 396
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 44.0g, 68%
Saturated Fat 27.2g, 136%
Trans Fat 0.3g
Polyunsaturated Fat 1.9g
Monounsaturated Fat 10.8g
Cholesterol 29mg, 10%
Sodium 127mg, 5%
Total Carbohydrates 148.1g, 49%
Dietary Fiber 5.8g, 23%
Sugars 132.5g
Protein 9.0g
Vitamin A 8%
Vitamin C 2%
Calcium 22%
Iron 13%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Thank you! I'll grade and return your papers over the next few days. Enjoy your Reese's. I mean, enjoy recess time, and I'll see you after lunch.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Dance to Forget, Part III. ~ with credit to the Eagles

continued from IDancetoForget,II.
Note: As a few of you predicted, this story does not end happily. It was a tough write, because of it. But as you see, I've recovered quite well and am still dancing with pretty boys. I just wish I hadn't covered my face in the tanning booth! Excuse the uneven tan.
There was a uniqueness to our dance. It differed vastly from the dancing I did in LA years earlier.

The LA club scene offered an attractive mix: the pricey, snooty hot spots in downtown; the more sketchy but accepting venues in West Hollywood; the trendy, cozier hangouts on the Santa Monica Promenade; and the random restaurants-turned-dance-clubs-at-dusk in all the beach towns.

Wherever I was, I was seduced by the shallow and freeing scene. I loved the boys’ attention, especially when I got it from the cute ones. I wasn’t picky, though. I was just happy to have a partner. Any partner would do.

She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends I loved the flirtations, the touches, the movements, the excitement of feeling wanted.

How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. This world was my refuge from reality. I needed to forget. So I did, until 2am or closing time, or whichever came first.

Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
I met him 13 years after leaving LA. He didn’t usually dance with me, but he always came along. He tried the steps a bit every time. Though he sometimes became uptight when either of us (i.e., he) made the wrong move, I was patient and forgiving. I was just happy to be in partnership with someone and with him.

He hated when I took the lead.
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'

I hated that he hated it when I took the lead. It’s just a habit, and I’m the better dancer. That’s usually the case. The really good ones don’t dance with me, so I get the annoying beginners who count aloud and blame me when they make the wrong move by, for example, stepping on my feet.

I’d get antsy with him, I guess, and would try to be in control. I’m not a follower. It’s not my way. Perhaps I just wanted that combination of freedom and control that I experienced on the dance floors in LA. Perhaps I didn’t fully trust him to take the lead.

I suppose I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
Nonetheless, our loving relationship went along at the idyllic pace – dating for one year before moving in together, engaged for one year before marriage, leading up to the happiest day of my life. Our wedding dance was elegant, graceful, and impressive – especially the final dip.

And still those voices are calling from far away,
One night shortly thereafter, I woke up screaming. I felt and saw the presence of a man who would do harm to me; an intruder was hovering over me at the bedside.

It’s the only time in my life I remember having a nightmare like that.

Wake you up in the middle of the night My screaming woke him. He held me briefly, and then we went back to sleep.

Just to hear them say... Everything would be okay.

Welcome to the Hotel California He would take care of me.

Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) I had nothing to fear.

Such a lovely face I would always be safe.

They livin' it up at the Hotel California
I just needed to get used to it. That’s all.

What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)

Everyone had bad dreams once in a while.
Bring your alibis

Our love and commitment would see us through anything.

Mirrors on the ceiling, We created a beautiful home and life together.
The pink champagne on ice We had it all, and there’s always a price. There’s always work. There’s always sacrifice. He was worth the investment. We were worth the investment.

And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device' The price kept rising.

And in the master's chambers, Below the surface was great pain and turmoil.

Still, we had parties and socialized. We were loving and giggly, at least in public.

They gathered for the feast I tried everything, every day, every hour. Nothing worked. Nothing made me happy.

They stab it with their steely knives,
Nothing made me less miserable.
But they just can't kill the beast
I was committed to him and the marriage for a lifetime. But he declared us through, so I left immediately.

Last thing I remember, I was
In shock, I didn’t turn back.

Running for the door
Four years, the chance to be a mom, and my lifetime of dreams dashed. I was lost.
I had to find the passage back
“You’ll meet someone new,” they all say.

To the place I was before I certainly didn’t plan on being single -and childless- again.

'Relax,' said the night man, But I’m not living in tension. I have my freedom back.
'We are programmed to receive.

Trauma fades in and out,
You can check-out any time you like,
but it doesn’t ever go away.
But you can never leave!'

Now, I’m back to dancing. Now, I dance to remember how much I’ve always loved to dance.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


My dear readers,
I was so greatly entertained by your comments in my last post that I've combined them into this very eccentric and highly perverse medley. Please enjoy, and have a freaky Friday - in the best of ways. Thank you for contributing to this, my 100th post.
PS I know, I can't believe it's only been 100. Call me slow and erratic, or don't use your phone. xo Robyn

Can you imagine doing the walk of shame from Baghdad? That’s like a really bad episode of the dating game, except without the long microphone. That socially inept guy is more of a milk dud with Asperger syndrome. It’s clear he’s an alien. Oh dear. So, for you, size DOES matter? None can compare to mine. I’d like to smack him for giving guys a bad name. Brutal x2. What happened to old fashioned wooing? He’s a dragonslayer, you know. Remind him of the Fatty Arbuckle scandal. He’s a Class A gumboil. Stamp “Stupid” on his forehead. It looks sexy on men. I wanna scream for you, Woman Superior. Did someone say M&M’s? You sussed him out, looking intently at the area of my forehead. Those d-bags with zero charm and charisma all seem to bank at the same Nigerian bank. If you can’t pay, then the date never happened. I’d buy you a muffin. Those losers sure know how to make a great first impression. Nothing is worse. I’m not going out with chicks with giant foreheads. Ew! Ew! Ew! At least Don Juan in the coffee shop has been laughing all through this nightmare. My summer needs to get more exciting. Are you sure he wasn’t suggesting S&M’s? I wanna scream for you. So dumb. I’m hating your hilarious and horribly tragic perils of on-line dating. Haha. Big smiles here.

Monday, May 17, 2010

It's A Non-Post BDFH Post

My Dear Followers,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated you on the dating scene. I’m sorry. I just don’t have the material for a post. Thus, the best I can do for now is this Non-Post BDFH/Blind Date From Hell Post. Let me further explain.

A few men have expressed interest, but they really aren't worthy of mention.

Dude #1 kept messaging, and I kept ignoring these messages. His reported weight is 220 lbs. Mind you, if you didn’t already know this, I’m a tiny person. On a good day (say, a Saturday morning before I’ve eaten breakfast), I weigh 105 lbs. Okay, make that 106.5 lbs (naked and while holding my breath, leaning slightly to the back of a generously kind scale). It’s not that I’m skinny. I’m just extremely short - less than 5 feet tall on a good or bad day, without heels or a top hat. Thus, the thought of being crushed (literally) by a boyfriend simply does not appeal to me. So you see, there’s nothing yet to write about.

Needless to say, Dude #1 persisted and persisted for weeks, progressing to a “What about me? I’m a nice guy.” Clearly, I needed to respond, else the messages would not end. Because I’m so nonjudgemental and sensitive, I took full accountability for our weight differential and emailed back: “I’m sure you’re nice, but I’m less than half your size. Good luck to you.” I’m rather proud of my diplomacy. You'd vote for me, right? At least, I hope you understand why I don’t have enough material for a BDFH post.

Onto Guy #2. He never actually emailed but listed me on his “hot/favorites” list. Even more flattering, he – or more likely the model whose photo he posted in his profile page- is pretty darn gorgeous. So what’s the problem? Well, for one, he lives in the Middle East. Those overnights would have to be through-the-roof to make it worth the commute. Worse yet, let me share a snippet of his introductory blurb: “Let's sing: Fill your heart with love today, don't play the game of time, things that happened in the past only happened in your Mind - So Forget your Mind And you'll be free. Happiness is happening, the dragons have been bled.” He goes on with this jingle a bit, but I’m sparing you the rest, because I like you and all. However, I am rather scared by this little blurb. Are you? Well, at least you're getting why I don't have the material for a BDFH post.

Door - I mean Dude - #3 lives a lot closer, but still across state lines. He emailed offering me M&M’s for merely chatting with him. Outrageous! What kind of a person does he think I am?! Of course, I responded immediately! I did tell him that he’s geographically undesirable, so he naturally suggested a meet-up in Vegas. Isn't that where all the geographically undesireables hang out? Please dude, you didn’t even forward the M&M’s. That isn't even the worst of it my friend. Are you ready for this? He’s a lawyer. Excuse my profanity. Alas, I hope you’re finally realizing why I haven’t been able to keep you updated on the dating scene.

Onto an actual date that’s not worthy of making it onto my blog either. This past weekend, I had coffee with Dude #4. At first, second, and third sight, he has a very long forehead . But that’s understandable, given he’s quite intelligent. I mean, I cut him slack because his brain must be at least 30% larger than most. The guy's trilingual and has a Ph.D. The problem with some brainiacs, though, is that their intelligence often trumps any semblance of social aptitude and courtesy.
You see, I ordered a bran muffin and a chai tea. He asked for a croissant and coffee. Those four items sat on the counter, and I stood behind him so that he would be directly in front of the cashier. Still, the cashier asked, “Are you paying separately or together?” I heard the Jeopardy music start to play in the background. With my watch ticking loudly, time stood still during a gruesomely awkward pause. He said nothing. Annoyed as hell, I broke the silence with a definitive, “We’ll pay separately.” “Yeah, yeah, it’s separate,” he agreed with relief. I know, I really should’ve bolted right then and there! Freakin tightwad!
Because I'm so nice (as we all know, right? right!), I reluctantly gave him another 48 hours (or was it minutes?) of my time. As soon as there was another gruesome pause, I announced that I had errands to run, and zipped away following a quick goodbye handshake. Don’t you wish you were back out on the dating scene to experience this type of exciting romance, my friend? You do at least get by now why I don't have enough for a post, right?

I suppose I should look on the bright side. It could’ve been worse. He could’ve talked incessantly about his ex (I’m guessing he doesn’t have any exes. At any rate, he seemed rather enamored by his mother). Further, he could’ve paid for his croissant with a coupon. He also could’ve had a double chin in addition to a long forehead. But he didn’t. For all of these things and more, dear Lord, I’m truly blessed.

Still, I wish I had some good material for you on the BDFH front. Sorry I have no updates. I hope you understand.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Miscellaneous Important Blurbs

Just in case any of you haven't already offered support for this precious, precious girl and her family's fight against her cancer, Mommy Michelle's website is Paypal donations are being accepted. I'm sorry I don't have the appropriate links (I don't have the appropriate basic computer skills to post them, that is.) You can check with Ian or LisaMarie or some other wonderful folks about it, or just go to Michelle's site.

Of much, much less importance, I was gifted with a Versatile Blogger Award from Veteran Kindergarten Teacher. She's a phenomenal woman who's been teaching kindergarten for 34 years. Having closely examined her website for a smidgen of job burnout, I've come up empty. Her writing is filled with genuine joy and love for teaching. She's a lovely person as well, and her stories are always fun to read.

Next, Alice at Alice in Wonderland gave me a Sweet and Friendly Blogger Award. This woman's blog is truly a Wonderland. Alice has more talent in her pinky fingers than most of us accumulate in two or three lifetimes. She does poetry, prose, artwork, and you name it.

What I like most about Alice, though, is that she is an inspirational young woman. She's survived more than her share of traumas and loss, and that does not slow her down in the slightest. Alice is just one of the folks in this wonderful Blogosphere who truly inspires me.

Finally, a Sunday eve Robynism: Keep faith, or faith will keep you.

That is all for now. I'll return shortly with my irregularly scheduled blogging.
Thank you.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Dance to Forget, Part 2 ~ with credit to the Eagles for one of the world's greatest songs

Continued from Part I. of I Dance to Forget.
Then she lit up a candle, and she showed me the way. "Everyone deserves a second chance," he convinced me.
There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say "Keep your heart open," they always said. The brain, in subtle quandary, concurred nonetheless. Being with him was right. He was my everything. My heart led the way.
Welcome to the Hotel California. He offered pure comfort, romance, and passion. He adored me. I felt so happy.
Such a lovely place. Everything was bright and beautiful.
Such a lovely face. "You're impossibly cute," he'd tell me. "You make me believe again."
Plenty of room at the hotel California "Do you know how much I love you?" he'd ask. "No," I'd respond. His love and ours felt infinite.
Anytime of year It was the summer of 2005. We camped, hiked, meandered through local beach towns, and dined in mediocre fashion. We had fabulously warm and fun dinner parties. Friends, family, and strangers regularly commented on our happy sappiness. I was suddenly living the dream that had carried me through until then. I had it all.
You can find it here. Deep down, I knew I deserved it.
Her mind is tiffany-twisted, What I didn't know is that I was headed in the opposite direction.
She's got the Mercedes bends. The signs were deceptive. I followed them.
At that time, I was heading a dance group that I founded. Though he never danced before, he danced with me, for me.
Thinking back, I can't remember a time when I didn't dance. I liked to twirl. My friends called me a spinning top. I called myself Rockin' Robyn. It caught on.
Finding a man to dance with meant I had truly arrived. I had my life partner.
I'll be back with Part III. Jake, probably not. Sorry, but please do come back for the next stretch. xo

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Friday Follow, Silly Quote, Happy Weekend

Happy Friday. Happy Friday Follow thanks to One2Try.

You never know until you know, but then you still don't know. You know? - me

Enjoy all the flavors of a great weekend.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Dance to Forget, Part I. ~ with thanks to the Eagles

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair

It wasn’t an easy journey, but I made my way solo with the grace of a kindhearted klutz.

Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air

Fueled by deep raw loneliness, I pressed on toward the finish line.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
Prince Charming might be there.

This dream became more real with a string of boyfriends who finally entered the picture.

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

One by one, each exhausted me with ever increasing levels of neediness and histrionics. So I decided to go solo again. I needed a break, perhaps permanently.
I had to stop for the night
That’s when we met.

There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell
Our shared laughter was fantastic. He was my destination. This I knew.

And I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
When I came home from our first date in tears, though, I figured either I was already in love or he was just a big jerk. be continued.I promise. Please come back.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hot Chocolate Bar Talk for a Luscious Wednesday

Oh Henry, Oh Henry. Give me a Kiss, Big Hunk. Babe Ruth might score the homeruns with his Lady Fingers, but I prefer your Whopper to that Dud's Curly Wurly. Let's hit the dark bar for some nibbling. Afterall, it's Pay Day, and we've got $100,000 to eat up. I know it's been a Rocky Road, Toots, but we made it Twix all the Snickers and Crunch. I'm not into M&M or a 3 Musketeers. I just want S'more of your Nutty self. No Junior Mints or Raisinettes for this Kit Kat. I'm talking the most Organic Whatchamacallit this side of the Milky Way.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Kindred Spirits

Kindred spirits, you and I.
Fragile souls, enduring ties.
Secrets known, never shared.
Endless fears, never scared.
So much achieved, though never proud.
So much lost, though not aloud.
My ground, my heart, my love and calm.
My kindred spirit, my soul
My mom.
A blessed Mother's Day to all! xoRobyn

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hang on Little Tomato

Dear Life,

You suck. I mean, where's the give-and-take? Why must I always be holding on for you, dear life? Perhaps you could try holding on for me for a change. You haven't exactly been a walk in the park. Well, that is unless we're talking about Central Park in the pouring rain at dusk on, say, a Monday, and I accidentally step in dog poop, and the dog owner is a creepy, smelly guy who asks me for money and date. As I was saying, or about to say in my typically tacky yet eloquent, sincerely loving fashion, a lot of people I care about are holding on for you too these days. I'm hoping some of them are reading this. For everyone who's been holding on for dear life, this song is for you. (Please hold on for 1.15 mins or so before the singing starts. It's worth it. You are worth it.)

I thank you for this one, dear life. Thank you for my friends in bloggyland too and for the cacao plant, and for sunny days, and for cute boys. I'm talking about the dreamy ones who go for the other girls and shatter my heart into a bazillion tiny sharp edged pieces, and - hey - you're slipping away again! Hold on, would ya?!

Monday, May 3, 2010

I Will Survive! ~ with thanks to Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid
“We’re through!”
I was petrified
“I want you out!”
Kept thinking
I could never live
“We’ll be divorced in 6 months.”
Without you by my side
“Who gets the fuckin’ china?”
But then I spent
oh so many nights
"Oh my God!"
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me
Go on now go
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
Somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
Still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I got the fuckin’ china.
And I'll survive! I will survive! I will survive

Hey hey! ...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Dear Sandra Letter

Dear Sandra,

Let’s talk, girlfriend. First, congratulations on your little angel! Louis is precious! How you managed to keep him a secret is more impressive than your Oscar winning performance in The Blind Side – or so I assume. (I will see the movie soon, really. I did think you were cute in Miss Congeniality. As far as the movie itself, it wasn’t good. Not good at all, but I’ll write another letter about that later.)

Second, thank you for confirming that such a gorgeous, talented and seemingly grounded person can marry their soul mate with full heart and commitment. Yet in an instant, it all snapped into a nightmare far beyond the predictable. You’ve shown us that this is just part of life’s raw deal, because the depths of human psyche surpass human comprehension. All of us have the potential for things unseen at the surface, and sickness is best hidden by those who are the most disturbed.

People are stupid, though. I heard a DJ criticize you for not seeing this coming – given Jesse’s history with women. Damn her for saying that, but I get it. No one wants to believe that life is so random, that a good person could suffer without at least in some way having done something wrong to thereby merit their fate. They don’t want to believe it, because this means they too are vulnerable to losing it all in an instant. And they are. We all are.

Now, if only you would see things more clearly. You are quoted saying that your current relationship with Jesse includes “forgiveness” “and support for his recovery.” Don’t you think it’s a bit early to forgive? Why forgive that bastard at all? Did he do any apologizing before the world learned of his escapades? No, he was playing the loyal husband. You married a good actor, by the way.

Next, there is no “recovery” for infidelity. Perhaps you and Elin should do some research as you contemplate these all important decisions. There's no 12-Step program for sex addicts [On that note, dear followers, and I’ll delete this little aside before I mail this letter, can you imagine it? “My name is Jesse, and I have a sex problem. I will surrender this problem to the Higher Power, after I get a sponsor for my sex problem. I’ll take one with at least 35 tattoos. And when I say ‘take,’ well, you can guess what I mean.”], nor is there a specific “therapy for sex addicts.” Alas, nor are there interventions that have successfully treated people whose sexual activity enters the realm of infidelity or, worse, crime.

We know that your adoption – which has not yet been made legal- bodes much better for you to adopt as a single mom under the circumstances. After all, what Judge would grant the scumbag equal custody now? So I’m nervous that you merely filed as a strategic ploy.

I don’t get it. I’m speaking as a woman almost your age, but, well, 2 years younger than you (excuse me for a moment - “Woohoo!!” Sorry). Even though I’m younger than you (Did I already mention that?) I’ve been blind sided too. From the moment it began to end, though, I did not look back at all. He didn’t even cheat, Sandra. I’d think you’d be at least as wise as me, given you are, after all, 2 years older than me.

My actual point is that I cannot begin to fathom how you would even be on the fence. Girlfriend, have the self respect to make the divorce stick! Learn from your blind sidedness. The world desperately needs your role modeling right about now, as does baby Louis.

PS I’m a good, mature babysitter (but not quite as mature as you, given I'm 2 years younger than you. I'm just sayin'), available evenings and weekends. Call me.