The Ushdoo, Martha's Umbrella, A-Z Challenge

Usher: Free me! Let my people go!
Robyn: Wh-wait? Usher, you celebrate Passover? That's hot!

Usher: I don't know what you're talking about, ma'am. I jus was tryin' to get my suitcase back from Trump Towers.
Robyn: Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't think you'd mind doing the Ushdoo. And Trump asked for one of those "Brown people" so he looks like he's not racist. And you're a cute one.

Usher, nodding: I know.

Trump:   Look, Usher, I told you 11 years ago I'd take care of it. Didn't I? I'm kinda busy, in case you didn't notice. I'm a very busy man. I'm a very smart man too. And I'm rich. I have billions of dollars. I'm very, very rich. I like Blacks and coloreds and some of the Mexicans are my servants. The others, though, they ruin our country. The Mexican Muslims are terrorists. Let's make America hate again! I mean, let's make America great again! And why'd you leave your suitcase at the reception area of a hotel with $100,000 of stuff in it? Are you mentally impotent? I'm very smart. And rich. I'm really rich...

On-line article dated 04/18/2005 AT 09:00 AM EDT

ROBBED: Usher claims a suitcase of his containing $100,000 worth of belongings was taken Friday from New York's Trump International Hotel by someone posing as a member of his posse, reports the New York Post, which also quotes Donald Trump as promising to make good on the loss. "I told him we'll get it solved," The Apprentice host said. Trump adds, referring to the missing article: "I'm trying to figure out why somebody would leave a bag at the front desk."

Martha: Did someone say "escort"? Oh, that was "Usher." Never mind. But look at me, folks. Ignore those two. I can't stand it when other people get attention.
 

"I'm Martha Stewart, and let's face it, everyone wants a piece of me. So I created the Umbrella Hair Collector. It fits snuggly around my neck for around-the-clock usage. It's waterproof, so there's no need to remove it before showering.  The soft neutral gray adds a splash of color to otherwise drab white outfits. I shed, oh, about half a dozen times per day. By the end of one week, the Umbrella Hair Collector has enough of my hair to provide the entire city of New Haven with at least one follicle per person. Each follicle, strand, or half of a split-end costs a mere $6.99. What's more, it's a piece of me, Martha Stewart. What could be better? Well...Martha blushes...besides, you know.  Yeah, a well-endowed blow-up doll in my apple orchard with an egg-beater. *F*ck yeah!*"

Martha Stewart: How Can We Miss Her if She Won't Leave? And YOUR BEST COMMENTS!

It's not enough to survive the A-Z Challenge, we're supposed to write some sort of insightful reflection post. Thus, in retrospect, I've brought Martha back to display her Hefty Heffer Hideaway, as a reminder of where she hides a Cuisinart, handcuffs, salad bowl, and insider trade secrets. That's as insightful as it got around here. I'll add that I couldn't stop laughing throughout April. Thank you for that, and I'm sorry for the nausea. It's Martie's fault. But your comments were over-the-top hilarious. Here are some of my favorites: 

Birgit said She could also get that fat taken off and use the lard for a new pie recipe.
 

Elephant's Child said I wonder how much she will charge for the limited edition, pink, sparkly, glow in the dark, autographed, musical (plays money, money, money) version?

Ruth said  You know, that massager shares a remarkable resemblance to the shape of Mrs. Butterworth.

Rhonda Albom  said Oh my, silly women, that's not where handcuffs go. 

Stephen Hayes said Thanks, Martha, for marketing something likely to put me out of business!

Anthony J. Langford said For 700 bucks you'd want it to call you darlin and make your breakfast.

Jacqueline said What she really needs is a fanny fluffer, still won't get her a *bleep* though. AND Now I'm thinking of a Stewie and Heffner pairing. Thank goodness they're past the breeding years; the excess of vapidity would produce a black hole of a baby...

Al Penwasser said Immature men enjoy a *bleep* now and then, too. AND The Lord helps those who help themselves. In other words, I get better when I practice.

Mitchell is Moving said Bette Midler once talked about tucking a Smith-Corona typewriter under her boobs. Ah, for the good old days!

JoJo said Those are some bodacious tatas.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said Sorry Martha, not even if you were the last *bleeping* woman on earth...

 

Jeff Bushman and She could probably modify that thing's power source by connecting it to a weed whip engine. At least then it would match the speed of her mouth!

 Jeremy Hawkins said What is going on here... I am feeling a little wrong? It might just be me...

TO BE CONTINUED...MARTHA ALWAYS RETURNS. MY APOLOGIES CONTINUE TOO. HAVE A NICE WEEK, and HAPPY MAY!