New Year's Erotica

Dear Sillies,

2020 didn't like this erotic welcome. It didn't rise to the occasion. How much flaccidity can a gal take? Must've been something I wore or failed to wear. We'll see if 2021 gets there. (Sorry for my laziness with this and all re-posts, friends. I am trying to pen a new poem. And finish a book...Like everything else this year, my projects are moving slower than sloth-like.)

We (almost) made it. Perhaps, we did make it to 2021 as you read this. Best news of all: We made it through together, from various points around the globe. 

Together, another year! Thank you, my Sillies.

Be good to yourselves. You're worth more than you know (to me alone).

Stay silly and get some naughty indulgences in too. 

I love you.

Christmas Erotica, Treating Frigidity

Dear Silliest of the world's most silly,

It's THAT week, right? I hope you're not too cold. In case you are, this should help.

Have a very Merry Christmas, but do leave room for naughtiness.

I love and thank you for sticking with me for another year.

Here Comes Hanukah!

My Dear Sillies,

Hanukah starts tonight. For you, and for the world, may miracles abound. We sure could use 'em!

I'm sharing some photos of my lil Hanukkah candle lighting, especially for Joanne, who made the request. Mixed in are lyrics from my favorite holiday classic, Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song. 

Take good care.

I love you.

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Hanukkah
So much funukkah
To celebrate Hanukkah

 

Hanukkah is
The Festival of Lights
Instead of one day of presents
We have eight crazy nights!

 

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

David Lee Roth lights the Menorah
So does James Caan, Kirk Douglas and the late Dina Shore-ah

 

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli?

Bowzer from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli

Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine looking Jew!

 

You don't need "Deck the Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock (both Jewish!)

 

Put on your yarmulke
Its time for Hanukkah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs
Celebrates Hanukkah

O.J. Simpson: not a Jew
But guess who is?: Hall-of-famer Rod Carew (he converted)
 

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish - not too shabby!

 

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is?: All three Stooges!
So many Jews are in showbiz 

Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

 

Tell your friend Veronica
Its time you celebrate Hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica
On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah

So drink your gin and tonic-ah
And smoke your marijuani-kkah
If you really, really wanna-kkha
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah!

 

Comment Collage Starring YOU!

Dearest Silliest of Sillies,

   We're almost there, almost to the spot from which we can say that 2020 IS HINDSIGHT.

   Thank you for another year of fun-loving, playful giggles and heartfelt support. To follow is a mix of your comments these past few months.

Be good to yourself! 

I love you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~<~~~~~~~<~~~~~~~~@

Margaret Benbow said Dancing and chanting witches, clothed or not, perhaps riding a goat backward, can do no harm.  

Alex J. Cavanaugh said Yup, safety first!

Joanne said Hey, the pope is blessing this poem and consecrating the children of the corn.

Geo. said Let this be a lesson to poo-poo heads everywhere.

Janie Junebug said We can sing Like a Virgin.

Mistress Maddie said Nice to see im not the only one the pandemic is getting to. Birgit said I wonder, when they sit on those huge asses, do they wobble around, they must be 3ft up from the actual chair. Infidel753 said Some of us find the penetration of such terrain to be perfectly appropriate.

Yvonne said Oof! I don't smoke but dang, I need to light one up.

Elephant's Child said EXCELLENT cleavage.

L. Diane Wolfe said Don't forget the whipped cream!

Pat Hatt said Candy like that would bring the return, but Martha would shrivel it and make the eyes burn.

Debra She Who Seeks said now my new favourite word is "slob-kabob," thanks.

Annalisa Crawford said Thinking is overrated. Why think when you could not think instead!

 

 

Thanksgiving Erotica~Legs, Breasts, or Butterball?

My Dear Sweet Sillies,

Please be good to yourselves. Be safe, be healthy, and have a ravenous Thanksgiving week. 

Much gratitude for sticking around through it all.

Love you.

 

Election Loss: Kanye West Launches Presidential Run for 2024!

 Dear Sillies,

   I've a special guest for you today! Yes, fresh off of the campaign trail, the one and only legend in his one and only ego-infested mind, Presidential candidate for 2020 who lost by a shocking landslide, Kanye West. Welcome, Kanye!

   Note: All that's highlighted are ACTUAL Kanye quotes. *oops, I mean, except the last one, but he would've said that if he met me.

Kanye breaks through the stage curtains shouting: "Welp! West 2024!"

Robyn: Look at you, Mr. West. 60,000 votes for President! Whew! That's less than .04 PERCENT of the 160 MILLION total votes. Even worse than Trump's historic loss. Robyn emits a giggle-snort. You did concede, I give ya that. What do you have to say for yourself?

Kanye: I am Shakespeare in the flesh.

Robyn: I see. And like Shakespeare, you've done some writing. You wrote your name on your home-state of Wyoming's ballot. You failed to get on that ballot and on the ballots of 38 states! Go you! Robyn jumps in giddy cheerleader fashion, forming an X in the air and landing, well, on her tuchas. Unaffected, she asks, What were you thinking?

Kanye: Here's something that's contrary to popular belief. I actually don't like thinking. 

Robyn's eyebrows shoot up, as she rises to her feet. Say it isn't so!

Kanye: I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all.

Robyn: You're blowing my mind, sir. Blowing my mind!

Kanye smiles, complimented. Every time I say something that's extremely truthful out loud, it literally breaks the Internet. 

Robyn looks at the camera, I can't. I just can't. She turns to Kanye and steps within inches of him. Literally, dumbf*k, literally nothing and nobody can break the Internet. Get the *bleep* off my stage, narcissistic idiotic moronic *bleepin* *bleep!*

Kanye raises his arms in a victory "v", shouts You f*kn crazy *bleep* midget. I don't *bleepin* need this *bleep!* A sympathetic, ever indebted Beyonce scurries to his side and escorts him out of the studio.

Robyn: I'm very sorry it came to this folks. Welp! That's a wrap. Take good care of yourselves and stay away from the *bleepin* *bleeps!*

Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/kanye-west-quotes

Here's something that's contrary to popular belief: I actually don't like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/kanye-west-quotes

Biden-Harris, A Time to Heal

Dear Sillies,  

   Even though some of you aren't aligned with my politics, you're always respectful. I appreciate you for that. We all want love and peace to rule the world, after all.

   There's a renewed lightness in the air now. Hope feels within grasp. Bullying and all the -isms have been de-legitimatized (not completely, of course, but we're en-route).   

   Please, Joe, give Bernie a position in your Cabinet! Make him, I don't know, the Senior Senior of the most Senior Advisors to the Prez and VP. And he could, say, for example, pick me to be his Middle Age Senior Intern. 

   Biden should've put me on his short list, by the way, because I'm shorter than Kamala. But I have a girl crush. She's gorgeous, charming, wicked smart and tough. So, better her than me. 

   A friend and I called for a celebration yesterday, and there was dancing in/near the streets of Chico, CA.

"You chose hope and unity, decency, science and yes, truth." -VP Elect Kamala Harris

 

"This is the time to heal in America." - President Elect Joe Biden

"Now, let's give each other a chance." - President Elect Joe Biden

 

I made this crazed mosaic for a book promo show 2 years ago. The Trumpeter's New Clothes ~it might be time to re-promote it.

I doubt this link will work, but in case it does~

https://www.facebook.com/larrydhalstead/videos/10158626228120170

Chocolate Hemp, Pandemic Plumpage, and other Distractions

 Hi, My Dear Sillies,

Pay no mind to anything going on in the US now. Here's an attempt to distract us all. 

HEMP ~ This California native had previously sampled hemp chocolate milk. Now, I sample a hemp chocolate bar. Hemp's a seed from Cannabis that doesn't cause hallucinogenic effects (drats!) and has been used for various products (materials, medicine, paper) for OVER 10,000 YEARS. It's super high in nutrients. 

   I like its crisp, crunchy texture. It's a bit dry. I'd suggest using it to top a sundae, though I suppose that defeats the purpose of a healthy-chocolate fix. This Evo Hemp Bar smells nice too, kinda like basil. I enjoyed it and the chocolate's not too sweet or intense. It's just right. Goldie Locks and I like it. We give it an 8 out of 10.

 

Next, how was Halloween? I shut off the lights. But I did do a few comedy shows in costume. {I'm subjecting audiences to attempts at humor these days. It keeps me insane.}

  This creepy silly leprechaun with a side serving of pandemic- plumpage-cleavage hereby brings you good *uck. Oh darn. Sorry. I get my rhyming words mixed up. I hereby bring you good Luck! We need it.

   Love you, my Willies. I mean, Sillies. Wink.

Halloween Climax: Candy Porn III

 Dear Sillies,

We needed something, anything, to pick up our spirits. So, what about those Dodgers? Woohoo! Our guys gave us their first World Series Win since I was a student at UCLA (1988). Thanks, boys! We needed this. It's about damn time. Will ya do it again if we promise not to watch in-person?

On the down-side, Martha's busting out. I'm sorry.

Have a safe, sweet, naughty Halloween.

Love you.

 

The Double-Dog Dare, Sweet Scary Nostalia

 My Dear Sillies,
   A very talented and loving lady, Jenny Matlock, used to do a Saturday Centus exercise. I occasionally participated. This photo was the prompt. The challenge: using all five senses, write about this in 100 words max.
   Here's my story, The Double Dog Dare...

 

 “I double-dog dare ya to go in,” Johnny challenged. He was cute so I acted brave.  

“Okay.” I swallowed my jelly bean whole. Salty black-licorice flavor stuck to my tongue.  Entering the creepy old shack, the smell of mud overtook me.  I was blinded by darkness.

“Welcome!” A boyish voice came up through the floors’ wooden panels.  I noticed a gaping hole at my feet and felt the sudden firm grip of fingers clasping my ankles from below.

“Let me go! Help! Help!”

A familiar giggle slowed my pulse.

“Johnny, you poo-poo head! That wasn’t funny!”

  

Halloween Erotica Candy Porn II

 My Dear Sillies,

   How are you holding up? I'm thinking about you. Hopefully, you're as excited as we* are about Halloween. 

*Me and Bernie

   Stay safe and make sure it's wrapped.   

Love ya.

Ghoulishness and Halloween Erotica

 Dear Sillies,
   Annual announcement: When shopping for Halloween candy, please AVOID HERSHEY. They haven't changed their evil ways. Hershey condones, maintains, and supports child enslavement in the West Indies - where it gets its chocolate.
   Unfortunately, the US's sub-par standard candy (M&M's, Milky Way, etc.) are Hershey's too. But there are plenty of healthier options (Fair Trade anything, European or Costa Rican chocolate, granola bars...closing the door and shutting the lights).
   On a sweeter note,  many years ago, I began to write a playful Halloween poem. But my warped brain and lustful sweet tooth penetrated inappropriate terrain. So began my poetic erotica series. Accidentally. Don't blame me. Blame the dark, hearty, slightly crunchy outside, but delightfully milky inside, ones that I can't get enough of. 

  Wink.
    Enjoy.

 

Kardashian Quotes

 Dear Sillies,

   Among my most embarrassing of guilty pleasures, I indulge in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I know. I can't believe it either, nor can I devise an acceptable excuse. 

   But don't worry too much about me. I don't have a TV or means to truly Keep Up, except when I'm at the gym. So I do burn calories while getting sucked into their botox'd scandalous infidelity, relentlessly tireless procreation, billionaire divatude drama.

   The show's winding down next year. Phew. But whether we like it or not, we won't hear the end of the K dynasty. 

   They've birthed 10 kids during the show, and they've undergone *383 botox treatments.  [*I made this number up. It's likely way off. Khloe alone appears to have 259 treatments on each lip. Am I right? In one show, she said "Lips aren't permanent. You do you."]

   Anyway, they're not the most brilliant family, but they do entertain. Here are some Kardashian quotes, plus Engel retorts:

 

“I’m going to sew up my vagina.” -Kris Jenner

   Too late, sweetie. Far too late.

“The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe.” -Khloe

   Oh, Khloe, you used to be my fave. But then you snagged another basketball star, this one in a committed relationship with a woman 8-months pregnant and apparently, a huge hoop.

“You’re acting like drunk slob-kabobs.” Kourtney

   I know, right, Kourt? You just became my fave. 

“The more people that love you, the more people that are going to hate you.” — Kylie

   I think you missed the boat on “new math,” darlin’.

“You know what they say, dress your best when you go to bed because you don’t know who you’ll see in your dreams.” -Kendall Jenner

   Who says that, honey? I sleep naked, and Idris best be naked too.

“I never thought I’d be in a family that has more people than a small country.” Scott Disick

   I never thought I’d watch a small country reproduce itself to the size of Australia for ten seasons.

“I liberate minds with my music. That’s more important than liberating a few people from apartheid or whatever.” Kanye

 Whatever!

 

Do you ever watch? Who's your fave? Please somebody, admit to it.

Love you, my friends.
 

Rest In Power, Ruth Bader Ginsburg

 Dear Sillies,

   In its 212 year history, Ruth Bader Ginsbug was the second woman to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court. The first, Sandra Day O'Connor (who retired from the bench--who knew you could do that?). 

   As we know, RBG fought cancer until she lost that fight last Friday at age 87.

   I won't try to summarize what RBG did for justice, law, women's rights, and the rights of people who are marginalized. It's a tremendous amount. I didn't realize what a hero she was, until now. (I often don't learn about people's influence until after their passing). 

   We've lost too much. It's our turn to carry the torch.

   Rest in Power, RBG.

“Women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation.” RBG

“People ask me sometimes… ‘When will there be enough women on the court?’ And my answer is: ‘When there are nine.’” RBG

Please be well, my friends, and know that you are worthy. 

I love you.

Happy Rosh Hashanah! Jewish New Year 5781

 Dear Sillies,
   This Friday eve marks a New Year for the Jewish people. If you feel old, consider this: We're embarking on the our 5,781st birthday bash! I know. Oy vey. 
   Because a fresh start is as imminent as it is welcome, I invite you to celebrate Rosh Hashanah* too. 
  
   Let's work towards a more peaceful, safe, and kind year across the globe. 
   Shana Tova! (Hebrew for "Happy New Year.")

*The start of the 10-day Jewish New Year. We dip apple slices in honey, then eat and enjoy, for a sweet new year.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Here I am with two siblings in 1969 (Jewish New Year 5,730). My other brother, Jonathan, was a mere embryo. {Technology was a lot more primitive back then. Thus, he's not pictured. =)}

 We wish you many moments of sweetness in the year ahead, along with greatly improved peace throughout the world.

  

 

Striking a Pose for Labor!

 

   That’s me on the left of each photo. I was a hell-raiser back in 1998...and once since then. Wink. I helped organize this strike, was a union steward, published a chapter newsletter, and participated in contract negotiations. During one shining moment of said negotiations, the CEO interrupted me, and I abruptly asserted, "I don't appreciate being interrupted." She bit her lower lip. Victory! 

   In the process, our Field Representative introduced me to California's current and still very handsome Governor Gavin Newsom. (Newsom's ex wife, Kimberly Guilfoyle, is with Donald Trump Jr. now. As in, they recently purchased a house together. How weird is that? I mean, of course, our Governor is staunchly liberal).

   

   Anyway, we were flying high, until we caved two days later. But we had a blast, and the CEO was impeached by her own peers a few years later.
   Shout-out to laborers everywhere. I remain grateful to workers who gave their lives for the cause of an 8 hour day and 40 hour work week.

   California's migrant farm workers are owed our biggest debt of gratitude.

 

Happy Labor Day. 

A good new week to you.

I love you, my Sillies.

Who Invited September?

Dear Sillies, Didn't we just welcome Sextilis? Who invited September? I certainly didn't, but it's here. Rude! 

   Well, we do have these things to celebrate:

   For Her Royal Highness (Debra's owner), September is National Happy Cat Month. I hope there's a National Unhappy Cat Month. That's only fair. Some kitties can't help but be chronically grumpy, given who they own. HRH happens to be lucky, but not all cats are.

For kids and Johnny Depp fans, September 19th is National Talk Like A Pirate Day. Get practicin', mateys! 

For Janie Junebug, September 24th is National Punctuation Day!?():~>

Do you have a birthday this month? Anything in particular you look forward to? Regardless, may September treat you well. Fall is almost here. 

Love you. 

September  

Comment Collage Starring YOU!

Dear Sillies,

Thank you for all the laughter. It's desperately needed and greatly appreciated. For you, a collage of some of your recent comments. Who knew you had so much to say about undies and other miscellany? I did, and I'm proud.

Be good to yourselves. 

Stay cool, hot, and silly.

I love you.

 

Birgit said Sextilis sounds like a dirty combo mambo and we have an extra Saturday, Sunday and Monday to do it. I love boxers...they are such a cute dog..Oh not about dogs ok...Granny Panties and I wear them proudly because, in the end(hahahaa) they are still taken off quickly by hubby. As for G-String...I am just not into ass floss.
Pat Hatt said lol I make fun of such things but haven't gotten confused by any lately. Alex J. Cavanaugh said Underwear is evil.

Sherry Ellis said What about bikinis?

Debra She Who Seeks said You are a Philosopher Queen. These are Questions For The Ages.

Jeff said Maybe it's time for someone to do a remake of the Moody Blues, "Isn't Life Strange".

Geo said There aren't enough esses for that outside Mississippi.

Elephant's Child said On the underwear question my preferences for wearing them or looking at others wearing them are very, very different.Mistress Maddie said I best get lucky...with something soon...this pandemic is wrecking havoc honey.

Geo.  said I must go lie down now, but Happy Sextillis!

Janie Junebug said I can create a fantasy teacher. R's Rue said Yum. Connie said This year just keeps getting more and more bizarre. Birgit said Ahh to be a dirty little girl In School which I would have done with my one high school priest. He was so good looking and tried to engage students. All I thought was to take the white thing off his neck and feel his thighs.

Annalisa Crawford  said oh boy are his Victoria Sponges delicious!

Ruth said I picked a bangin' post to visit on.

Joanne said Better to approach with alcohol? 

Infidel753 said Maybe that's why the Romans had so many orgies. jono said Not going to tell you what's behind the zipper unless you show me yours. L. Diane Wolfe said Thongs!

Joanne said Nothing comes between me and my Calvin's - and I'm thinking of Markie Mark's big undie ad in Times Square.

Shady Del Knight said I say we salivate... I mean celebrate, and agree to meet back here 823 years from now to do it all over again.