My Story, Yours Too.

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Kardashian Quotes

 Dear Sillies,
   Among my most embarrassing of guilty pleasures, I indulge in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I know. I can't believe it either, nor can I devise an acceptable excuse. 
   But don't worry too much about me. I don't have a TV or means to truly Keep Up, except when I'm at the gym. So I do burn calories while getting sucked into their botox'd scandalous infidelity, relentlessly tireless procreation, billionaire divatude drama.
   The show's winding down next year. Phew. But whether we like it or not, we won't hear the end of the K dynasty. 
   They've birthed 10 kids during the show, and they've undergone *383 botox treatments.  [*I made this number up. It's likely way off. Khloe alone appears to have 259 treatments on each lip. Am I right? In one show, she said "Lips aren't permanent. You do you."]
   Anyway, they're not the most brilliant family, but they do entertain. Here are some Kardashian quotes, plus Engel retorts:
 
“I’m going to sew up my vagina.” -Kris Jenner

   Too late, sweetie. Far too late.

“The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe.” -Khloe

   Oh, Khloe, you used to be my fave. But then you snagged another basketball star, this one in a committed relationship with a woman 8-months pregnant and apparently, a huge hoop.

“You’re acting like drunk slob-kabobs.” Kourtney

   I know, right, Kourt? You just became my fave. 

“The more people that love you, the more people that are going to hate you.” — Kylie

   I think you missed the boat on “new math,” darlin’.

“You know what they say, dress your best when you go to bed because you don’t know who you’ll see in your dreams.” -Kendall Jenner

   Who says that, honey? I sleep naked, and Idris best be naked too.

“I never thought I’d be in a family that has more people than a small country.” Scott Disick

   I never thought I’d watch a small country reproduce itself to the size of Australia for ten seasons.

“I liberate minds with my music. That’s more important than liberating a few people from apartheid or whatever.” Kanye

 Whatever!

 

Do you ever watch? Who's your fave? Please somebody, admit to it.

Love you, my friends.
 

26 comments:

  1. I have never, ever watched the Kardashians, Robyn. Gawd knows I have my sick weaknesses and vices, but they are not one of them. Your responses are hilarious and right on. But now my new favourite word is "slob-kabob," thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love "slob kabob" too, Debra. I'm going to use it as soon as the bars open back up.

      Cheers to you.

      Delete
  2. Not a Kardashian watcher. Not a gym goer either. Which may make me a slob-kabob. I am grateful for the intrepid souls like you who do both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I would not call you a slob kabob, EC. At times, I'm a sob kabob. Or a Rob kabob. Or...?

      Take care.

      Delete
  3. Ahh, the Kardshiasses and their vapid comments but, who am I? Oh yes, no botoxed, stretched or puffed up but also poor. They are laughing with millions in the bank. I never watched the show but I know people who also say it’s their guilty pleasure. I wonder, when they sit on those huge asses, do they wobble around, they must be 3ft up from the actual chair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahaha. You don't know how much I needed your comment today, my dear. Thank you. One quote that I was initially going to use, but cut to keep this post shorter, said that Kim's ass is so big it could be a floatation devise - so she could save herself if she's in the middle of the ocean. (Said by Khloe). It's unbelievable how big it can get, and not a pretty sight.

      Love ya.

      Delete
  4. If I were stuck on a desert island with any of them, let alone all of them, I would start swimming and take my chances with the sharks. Even if I saw the fins cutting through the water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Jono, you could use their big butts (especially Kim's) as a life-saving floatie. Just a thought - I'd hate you to risk being shark food.

      Thanks for stopping by.
      Be well, friend.

      Delete
  5. What Jono said. Never watched it and based on those brilliant comments, what a waste of humanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it, Alex. Sorry for wasting blog space on them too. But in striving to get away from life's heaviness, this kinda worked.

      Thank you.

      Delete
  6. I don't watch and I'm ashamed I even know their names. But, I watched Netflix Home Edit and the episode with Khloe was actually quite good - OMG - the garage makeover!
    Anyway - any comment with Idris is a winner - you are awesome, Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Khloe is the most entertaining one, actually. She says some zingers.

      You are awesome too, Joanne. Thank you, hon. And Idris...sigh. He best show up naked, right? I'll send him to your dreams after I'm done with him. It'll take a while. =)

      Delete
  7. I'm afraid I have never watched. I don't know which is which except for Kim. She pisses me off because at the mention of her name, Willy Dunne Woofers' eyes glaze over and he drools. He thinks she's gorgeous.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. She is gorgeous, that b*tch! But her ass, though. It's wider than a freight train.

      Love you.

      Delete
  8. lol and with every word it makes me glad I don't watch that, although sad that such a waste of humanity exists and is actually popular.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, Pat. One of them is the highest paid model in the word too. Smh.

      Delete
  9. Dear Robyn, Haven't followed this family but sure enjoy your take and post. As an old fan of the Roddenberry enterprise, I hunted this homophone at www.startrek.com: "Cardassians. Planet: Cardassia. Tall, long-necked, humanoid in appearance, marked by several bony protrusions and ridges." Close?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha. Not close, Geo. Sorry. Their butts, at least, are anything but bony. They are tall and long-necked but don't appear humanoid. Thank you for bringing the Roddenberrys to my attention, Dear Geo. I'm rather curious now and will do a dive into that shortly.
      Be well and safe.

      Delete
  10. I was reading through these and thinking, "This must be the stupidest family in the entire history of the universe". Then Kanye's quote out-moroned them all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha. Perfect, Infidel. Kanye: the greatest out-mornoner of 'em all.
      Cheers. Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  11. Many, many years ago when they first started, I used to watch quite a few episodes, but eventually I lost interest and moved on. The show has definitely evolved over the years, but after 20 years, I agree that they're all famous enough to do other things. Those quotes are wild!(lol) Hugs, RO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm ashamed to have taken the reverse trajectory - I grew more and more invested in them over time. Sigh.

      Hugs and thanks for stopping by, RO.

      Delete
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