Halloween Erotica, the Original

Dear Sillies,
   We're getting closer to Hallow's Eve. As a reminder, please avoid purchasing Hersheys candies. And Hersheys owns all the big cheap candy companies (Mars, etc.) Despite ongoing political pressures, that monstrous entity continues to condone child labor. Its chocolate stems from the West African Ivory Coast, where children are enslaved on cocoa plantations. Horrifying. I suggest giving out Fair Trade products and/or anything NOT Hersheys.* You might have to spend a bit more, but your conscience will thank you. *(Organic lollipops or other candies from Trader Joe's, granola bars, fruit snacks, European treats, raisins, taffy, jelly bellies...)

   Otherwise, let's move onto some sinfulness. Years ago, I set out to write a playful Halloween poem. Halfway through, though, I noticed that I'd scrawled out erotic verses and images about sucking, licking, biting, fingering. After wiping my brow and saliva, I went full-throttle erotic. My poetic erotica series had thus begun. Apologies. It happened by accident, and it's my insatiably lustful sweet tooth's fault. 

Happy pre-Halloween days.
Stay safe. Stay well. Be a little naughty. 

 

May Pole Erotica

Dearest Silliest of Silly Hearts,
May this May be good to you. 
And Maybe you'll do the May Pole Dance.

EastErotica, PassovErotica, Springtime Urges

My Dear Sillies,
Please enjoy some Springtime nibbles.
You are a fun-loving, spry bunch.
Be good to yourselves, and Happy Holy Days (Easter, Passover, whatever else you celebrate in public, private, or the church's final pew -- which counts as both).
Love you.

TeachErotica: Learning Can Be Fun!

Dears,
It's back to school time, and I'm a strong proponent of higher education. Learning is good. Learning by doing, even better. Gentle yet decisive individualized hands on guidance? As good as it gets! Enjoy. Wink.

 

Take good care of yourselves, dear sillies.

You are loved, by me and many others.
PS Sorry that Martha needed to show-off her new and improved Dad bod, and I apparently needed to re-post this. Forgive me.

SUMMEROTICA

Dear Sillies,
Summer shall make its grand entrance this week.
That said, please do whatever it takes to stay cool AND hot.
I love ya.

Betsy Ross, Sex Goddess

Dear Sillies,
If you have one, yank it out and wave it proudly!
{Incidentally, Thursday is Flag Day.}
Take care of yourselves, my friends.

May Pole Dance Erotica

Hi, Dear Sillies,
May May be good to you, and may you do the May Pole dance at least once this month.
Enjoy.

The Holy Trinity: Robyn, Bernie, and the Pope

Happy Easter.

I'm spending my day with (my) Bernie...Alright, I confess, that was a poor attempt at an April Fool's Day joke. Don't fall for any of those. You won't; you're too smart for that. (I always do, though.)

Be well, Silliest of the most Silly.

Saint Patrick's Erotica

Dear Sillies,

How are you? I hope you're feeling worthy and and upbeat spirits.

It's that time again - time to...get lucky, any way you can. I'm unsure what that means for me, realistically, but I'll wear green just in case I run into Bernie.

Much love, luck, and laughter to you and yours.

New Year's Everotica: For Old Time's Sake

My Dears, the Silliest of the Most Silly,

2017 was perhaps not the world's greatest year. At Life by Chocolate, though, we're thrilled. Why? You showed up! And you showed up consistently. You showed up with a smile. You showed up to grace us with your sharp wit, warm thoughtfulness, outrageous humor, and heartfelt care. Your presence is more important to me than I can say. I relish in giddy-overwhelm when considering all of the unexpected journeys and rewards I've enjoyed because of you.

And we* have plans for an active 2018 here. Oy vey, do we have plans! (Dude Three will return with a wacky twist. Reasons for Celibacy makes a comeback. Erotica never leaves. Will Martha ever leave? We haven't yet managed to oust her.)

I'll be slipping away from cyberspace during New Year's. So I'm leaving this here, along with hopeful sentiment. May 2018 bring good health, love, peace, and all the silliness you deserve.  Chocolate too, of course. Lots of the good stuff. Dark, creamy but firm, hard but not too hard to lick and chew, European or Latin or Costa Rican - whatever entices me. I mean you...

*"We" means Kelly Clarkson and Maccauley Culkin whenever they stop by to take a selfie, and me.

Happy 2018.
I love you, Dear Sillies.

Big, Big Santa: Christmas Erotica

My Dear Sillies, 

   To those who celebrate Christmas, may it be extra merry with a dash of naughty.

   To those who don't celebrate Christmas, may it be extra merry with a ton of naughty. (Santa's skipping our chimneys anyway.) 

   Love and cheer, my friends.

Halloween Erotica and Grecian Dedications

First, and leading up to Hallow's Eve, some Halloween Erotica:

And now, My Annual Public Service Announcement:
   Please keep in mind that Hershey's is evil. By this, I mean that despite great amounts of humanitarian efforts to challenge them, they continue to pay into child slave labor - children work die under horrid conditions in cocoa plantations (mainly, in the West African Ivory Coast) in order to get chocolate for this monstrous company. When shopping for Halloween candy, please avoid Hershey's. Good alternatives include anything fair trade and/or any treats at places like Trader Joe's. Thank you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<
   Next, a few dedications. This one, Greek Viagra gelato, is for AlPenwasser because, well, Mrs. Penwasser. She deserves it. And by it, I mean it!
   Our tour guide treated us to gelato in a little village of Oia (pronounced Ee-ah). Oia's on the Greek island of Santorini. Their star flavor: Greek Viagra. I didn't need any, so I went with Italian Lover. It was delicious, and I heard Greek Viagra is too. It's creamy with honey and nuts.

This one is for Gorilla Bananas, who asked if I tried the Ouzo.* Did I try it? Truth is, I readily posed for this photo, after the rest of the group finished all but a few drops. Those drops trickled down my throat and rattled my braincells like never before. Anything for a good photo (for you, that is)!

 *Pronounced oo-zoh, Ouzo is the official alcoholic beverage of Greece and Cyprus. By law, it cannot contain LESS than 37.5 percent alcohol. Whoosh! Yeah. It tastes like very, very, very strong black licorice. I know this ONLY because a few little drops found their way down my throat here.

   Before the Ouzo scandal, I jumped into these warm, clear, salty waters of the Aegean Sea. (That's me in the upper left of the group.) The water is so salty, it kept us afloat. "Swimming" was effortlessly fun. I'm dedicating this scene to fishducky because she's clearly the appropriate recipient of a wet noodle float on the Aegean Sea - based on her name alone.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, my friends,
Please be safe. Be well. And be good to yourselves.
Love to you.

Naughty Teacher, TeachErotica

Dear Sillies,

May this find you well and safe - especially those of you in Texas. I'm holding you in my thoughts.

Next, it's back to school time. Kindly allow me to re-introduce TeachErotica. Note: This is adult, consensual, respectful, and very special education. Yet Betsy DeVos (US Sec'y of Education) might be appalled. Martha Stewart, however, can't stay away. (Sorry about her cameo. I gotta give her credit for knowing where to have a good time. Though I wish she'd cover up.)

Love and chocolate kisses to you, my friends.
Take care.

Unfold, Unleash, and Wave Away! Flag Day Erotica

Dear Sillies,
If you have one, take it out and wave it proudly. Need I say that bigger is better?
Happy Flag Day.

Keep a smile and sense of gratitude, my friends.
Love you.

May Pole Erotica

Dears,
With apologies, I'm posting a re-post from last year's re-post from the year before last.

 

Keep smiling, my friends, despite any unpleasant sights.

Love to you and yours for a nice and pretty May.

Thanksgiving Erotica, Let the Basting Begin

Dears,
You're smart and witty. Perhaps you have insight into this random statement - one that equates me with a snowflake.
James Farmer Robyn Alana Engel you are so lost. Another snowflake in life. 

This means I'm a crystal of snow, but what do I know? I'm a native Californian. And I'd simply promoted lovingkindness on Facebook. Again. Snowflakes are beautiful, am I right? I haven't been so complimented by an insult since I was called a "provocateur" last week. I'm liking this hate; it's good for my ego.

Anyway, sillies, please take gentle care. Life is too precious and too challenging. And you're too important to me. 

Whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving, may you experience sincere gratitude this week and season.

Love!  

Naughty Teacher: TeachErotica!

It's back to school time, and I'm a strong proponent of higher education. Learning is good. Learning by doing, even better. Gentle yet decisive individualized hands on guidance? As good as it gets! Enjoy. Wink.

PS I had all sorts of tech issues when I attempted to post an updated version. Thus, I'm subjecting you to Martha and her Dad bod. So sorry!

 

This and a year's worth of poetic erotica are coming soon to an Amazon link near you. I'll be publishing Celibacy and Suburbia. (I'm currently awaiting a paperback copy to proof, before I decide on the launch date.) Also in Celibacy and Suburbia are 250 dating ads with my mockery, plus a slew of interviews that I did for the IWSG/Insecure Writer's Support Group. It's a fun and zany 77 pager. More news to come.

Take good care of yourselves, dear sillies.

You are loved, by me and many others. Hopefully, this does NOT include Martha.

John Hancock Erotica

Dear Sillies,
I've returned from a writers' retreat in Big Sur. Cheryl Strayed and other fabulous writers (all fun, funny, warm, and humble) inspired us, as did the remarkably beautiful setting.

To my friends in the U.S., I hope it's a safe and celebratory Independence Day.
To my friends elsewhere, I hope it's a safe and pleasant week.
To all, please enjoy this re-post. I hereby dedicate it to John Hancock. After-all, his was biggest.

May Polerotica

My Dear Sillies,
I hope May treats you gently.
Now that you've been so tolerant of all my A-Z madness, I'm hoping this sight won't be so bad. I know, it's a bit tacky. But only a bit. I think he's cute, and so does Martha. So here's Neil Patrick Harris in his tighty whiteys with some May Pole Erotica (a re-post from last year).


Keep smiling.
Chocolate kisses to you.

Springtime Erotica!

Happy Easter, Happy Spring, Happy, Happy all good things.
Take care of yourselves and have a good week, my sillies.