Halloween Erotica III, The Climax

Warning: This is the naughtiest thing I've ever written. The audience was very, very attentive during my performance at a local open mic last night. Here's The Climax:

Note: Hot Tamale line is for Mini-Alex (since Alex is married, and Mini-Alex is adorable and -as one of my clients tells me, especially after I do a wildly silly victory dance when I win an UNO game against her- I need help). 

Back to open mic night, Igor was no where in sight. Perhaps he was busy moving corpses for Halloween. 

When I finished the reading, I received solid applause, the announcer thanked me for the "Halloween porn," and one man gave me a fist bump. 

A friend we'll call George - he reminds me of George Costanza (short, balding, wears glasses, and works in Latex. Or maybe healthcare, but there's a lot of latex in healthcare) showed up later. He asked if I was reading, and I told him that I already read. To ease his disappointment, I showed him the poem. George chuckled quietly and said that he was sorry he missed it. Afterwards, George asked for my number and suggested we meet for coffee sometime soon. We exchanged contact info. I'll keep you posted.

HAVE A THRILLING, DELICIOUSLY SWEET AND SAFE HALLOWEEN!

Erotica and Men and Open Mic. Night

Because my friend Elizabeth so kindly and curiously asked, I'll inform you all that Troy (aka Merchant Marine Minute Man), who was supposed to return last month, has not contacted me. It's been five+ months since the granny panties fiasco. Troy went overseas in May, and hasn't called, sent a text, or emailed me. Nothing. He's likely moved onto someone else, and perhaps he's on her now, trying for a five minuter. I'm fine, not hurt at all. Damn bastard can't even pick up the phone. As if he's all that! If you're reading this, Troy, you're very handsome. I missed you. Call me. Wink.

So I've moved on also, on to erotica. It lasts longer. And as you know, I've recited poetic erotica at local open mic nights. At my first reading, I felt the audience --mostly men-- hanging onto every word, as excited tension simmered throughout my reading...
          I love and fear you just the same.
          Your candy corns scream out my name.

I made as much eye contact as I could, and saw expressions like this:
so I continued...
     Let's nail down this dreaded task
     ...And score and score until the dawn
     We'll lick and chew til candy's gone.

I've done three readings of Halloween Erotica. Each was met with enthusiastic applause. One guy - we'll call him Igor (he walks with a limp) - escorted me to my car and then said "Let's get frozen yogurt. My treat." I was parked in front of a frozen yogurt place, (un)luckily. It was one of those moments during which a gal can't be rude, yet she knows she'll regret it later. I'm just glad he didn't say "Walk this way." I'd have been too tempted to pull the Young Frankenstein walk-this-way move.

We sat across from each other, eating yogurt and chatting. Igor's a quiet rambler, and it took work to understand him. But even when I heard his words, I failed to comprehend.

"I'm moving," he reported, "so I should get going soon."
"You're moving? Where are you moving to?"
"No I'm not moving. I'm moving things. I have a lot of work to do and stuff to move around."

So, yeah, I'm not interested in Igor. But he seeks me out at open mics, rubs my shoulders and calls me "honey," as if we're an item. Perhaps he believes I wrote lines like this for him: So hold it out and let me see. The big, long ones work best for me. Could he be that confident? At any rate, I'm trying to make contact with others when I read.
                   I've one rule, though. Make no mistake. 
                      If it's not wrapped, I won't partake.
Some men wouldn't get the double-meaning there.

                                                                          all are google images of Simon Cowell

I'll read and post Halloween Erotica III, The Climax, later this week.
In the meantime, have fun and be safe.  

Halloween Erotica, the original.
Halloween Erotica II.
Halloween Erotica III, The Climax ~ stay tuned. I'll post that one this week.

Love for A New Blogger Who Pole Dances & Changes in Blogland

When I started blogging in April of 2009, it took me eight months to see an active following. Once things got rolling though, it grew and grew. Some mornings, I'd wake up to a handful of new followers. Alas, things have changed. Have you noticed? Bloggers aren't always as polite, and many are only interested in selling their books versus getting to know other bloggers. Often, they don't return follows. My numbers -- which I'm very grateful for, don't get me wrong -- go up and down, very slowly and unpredictably. I'm really glad I started blogging when I did, when the focus was on connecting with other bloggers with an understood give-and-take. That's what I appreciate about all of you, though much of blogland - it seems - isn't like that. It's gotta be tough to have a go at this blogging thing now.

So I bring your attention to a fabulous new blogger and person, Michael D'Agostino. Let's help him out. He'll be an active follower who leaves quality and humorous comments on your blogs. He's like that. In his words, Michael is "an aspiring media personality from Adelaide Australia. I acknowledge that aspiring usually means  crap."

Michael voluntarily contributed to my efforts with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, even though I hadn't asked for donations, and he's an Australian. He offered to send me chocolates too. If I had a daughter, I'd send her to Australia to meet him (and marry him). I told him this, minus the marriage part -- that would make me his Mother In Law, and that's just weird. My point is that he's a great young man. And how many men would take a pole dancing class to blog about it? Look at him! I didn't think it was possible to hold yourself up that way. If you go to the second most recent post on his blog, you'll see The Hello Boys move too. Turn on the A/C first; whether you're male or female, there are pole dancing photos and video bites to enjoy.
 
And now that I've embarrassed Michael D'Agostino, go follow him at A Life Examined here.

Thanks, and have a great one.