And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Halloween Erotica II.

Last week, I went to a local cafe for open mic night - planning to read some poetry. After a while, I noticed that the organizer was only having his musician friends perform. Between songs, I approached him. 

"Excuse me, is this really an open mic?" I asked. "I brought some poetry."

He appeared slightly revolted. "We don't really do poetry here. Do you sing?"  

Dude, gimme a karaoke machine and I'll belt out Barry Manilow's Copa Cabana. "No. I'm a lousy singer, but this is advertised for all artists. My poetry's pretty short." He didn't give me an answer, so I sat, embittered. One guitar-strumming cowboy after another sang about his long lost love. With the men on either side of me asking to see my poetry, though, my confidence soared.

Finally, after every musician had performed, the organizer told me, "You can do one really quick poem." 

"Okay, sure." Then, for poets throughout the world (all three of us), I worked the room. "I get the feeling you're not much of a poetry crowd," I started, "so I'm about to change that. This first poem is called Halloween Erotica." There was cheering, and the cafe fell silent as I read the original here. [I've posted it several times over the years.] That experience motivated me to work on part II.    Happy Pre-Hallow's Eve!
When darkness falls,
I'm at your door
To raid your stash
Then beg for more.
So hold it out 
And let me see.
The big, long ones work best for me.
Don't tantalize with bits of bait
Drop it down! 
I hate to wait!
It's been a year; I need my fix.
You give me treats 
I'll show you tricks.
Stuff my bag
And make it last
I'm known to ravage hard and fast.
I've one rule, though. 
Make no mistake.
If it's not wrapped
I won't partake
 'Cuz safety first. Mom taught me right. 
And I'll devour 
throughout the night.
I'll stake my claim 
On all your best
Then disappear
Just like the rest.
Don't fall asleep. 
There's no reprieve.
I'll knock some more
Next Hallow's Eve.

45 comments:

  1. If that didn't bring the house down there's something wrong with those dudes! Did anyone whoop when you said "So hold it out and let me see"? They should have been grinning at least!

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  2. You are funny.

    Happy Halloween or Happy Halloweenie :-)

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  3. LOL!! I bet that guy never shuns poetry again! hahaahhaha

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  4. I love it. Who knew there was so much double entendre involved in trick or treating? When I'm home, stuffing my face with Fun Size Snickers (they actually do become "fun" when you get into double digits) I may be squirming in my chair a bit. So, I take it the open-mic went well since you wrote a part 2?

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  5. Did that get a standing ovation?
    Lame it was advertised for all artists but the organizer really didn't want anyone reading.

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  6. lol that will show the guy there is more fun in poetry than cowboys wailing haha

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  7. Maybe the manager will feel differently about poetry now lol.

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  8. Thank you, darlings.

    You're my first audience for this one. I think I'll recite it at the next open mic - tomorrow eve perhaps.

    Dark kisses -nuts optional - safely wrapped...sorry, I'll quit now.

    xoRobyn

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  9. Gotta love my Robyn.
    One of the best!

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  10. The response to the first poem sounds blog-worthy in and of itself. Yeah, I clicked back and read it. What happened? Standing ovation? Did men pass you their numbers? Tell me, please. I am dying here.

    I can't wait to hear how they receive this gem. Give us the goods, Robyn. Or I'll scream and scream.

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  11. You must have banged that one out of the park:)nyuck, nyuck. That is funny and the guy who lead this sounds like an idiot

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  12. Great! So, I'll need to answer the door dressed in a body condom?

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  13. I read both poems and they're both clever. Naughty but nice…oh wait, wrong season…Happy Almost Halloween!

    I hope you got lots of cheers when you were finished reading. You got guts, chick. I couldn't stand up there! Go You!

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  14. That poem was fantastic, and I have no doubt it brought the house down. Well, if they had any taste.

    I just have to say, going to an open mic night only to hear amateur cowboys play sappy country music all night long sounds like my own personal hell.

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  15. and we have a winner! excellent job. Glad you hung in there and then showed them how it should be done. Very funny

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  16. Oh my goodness... You are a queen. LOL! That will teach them to bar poetry.

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  17. I love part two just as much as I love part one!

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  18. I'm so glad you got to read in the end. I hope it went down well. I enjoyed both poems.

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  19. Bravo! Especially for the courage to go up and recite your work... something I've done (maybe in school or church) but never really was good at IMHO.

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  20. I don't remember reading this poem, but I sure enjoyed it.

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  21. Okay, confessional and full story:

    One of the men who wanted to see my poetry did want my number, and did call, and I didn't respond because I'm not interested. If you're reading this, dude, sorry. As I just wrote, I'm not interested in you. Cheers and happy pre-Halloween.

    Several of the musicians came up to me afterwards and said "Great poetry." I was one of only a few women there. The attention and sudden interest in poetry (no less, my poetry), was damn cool (er, hot?).

    I'll let you all know how Part II - this one - goes over when I read it.

    Thank you, friends.
    Hugs xoRobyn

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  22. I feel like I'm too young (and sexually inexperienced) to have read that! Now I can't UNread it!

    I'm impressed with how well you worked the room though, I don't think I've developed that skill well enough yet.

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  23. Hilarious. Well done, you.

    Love,
    Janie

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  24. Michael, believe me when I say that I'm TOO SEXUALLY INEXPERIENCED TO HAVE WRITTEN IT.

    Smiles.

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  25. Pre-Halloween? What's that? In these them parts, we celebrate the entire season of Halloween/Harvest fun. Wooohoo, it's good fun.

    PS: Why did you give him your real number????

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  26. You go, girl! You always make me smile. I wish we lived closer to each other because I think I'd really enjoy your company :)

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  27. I am not sure if you brought the house down or up with that poem :) I bet a few of the guys would definitely say UP!

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  28. Hahaha! I bet that got everyone's attention. I loved the wrapped and safety first bit. Thanks for the laugh! :D

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  29. Oh it goes so well with part 1!! I bet they were begging for more after you were finished... :)

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  30. Robyn, I sure like how you write. Following!

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  31. You are really funny Robyn!
    And you always make me laugh:))

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  32. Aw, come on. Give us the full audience reaction. I know there's a story or two in there.

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  33. I loved it! I wish I was there in the audience!

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  34. Wonderful. I'll bet they let you do more than one after that.

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  35. *awaits Christmas erotica while simultaneously wondering if it already exists*

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  36. I am applauding for you here. I have attended some open mics to read my poetry and I can imagine that was quite annoying for you but, hey you really took the bull my the horns...haha..Halloween Erotica..still laughing..great poem.

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  37. sorry should be by the horns..long day

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  38. Spooky, I know. I mean, I don't know. It's one of those things for which a woman says "That was stupid of me" but in the moment it's too difficult to be honest...Anyway, clearly I need to provide you all with more story. So I shall.

    Al Penwasser, safety first!

    Fredulous, I am thinking about some Christmas Erotica actually. I'm guessing it exists. Every hot idea was invented by Cleopatra or some ancient sex god/goddess.

    Truedressa, yes. It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, along with the motivation to crank out lots more erotica.

    Hugs and chocolate kisses, all,
    xoRobyn

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  39. I'm proud of you for going where no poet has gone before! Your tricks provided a treat for all! I enjoyed every bite of it!

    Julie

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  40. I'll bet you got the most applause of the evening. That is steaming...

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