Though I'm glad to have George in my life these days, I'm determined to continue this series. How can I not? There's too much good material. So here we go with reasons #333 through 340 for a smart
single gal to choose celibacy - lifted from actual, current dating ads. [Note:
You might think that these ad blurbs don't adequately represent the
modern day pool of eligible bachelors. I agree. In person, it's even
worse.]~~~Be well, my friends. Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. Enjoy the weekend!~~~
REASON
#333:
You had me at let's make out!
You must’ve misunderstood, sweetie.
I said “Get the hell away from me!”
REASON
#334: there is no spoon...
No spoon? Stick a fork in it? Cut
it up? Dig in with your hands and feet?
REASON
#335:
What Good is Sitting Alone in Your Room?
It’s great for reading, writing,
talking on the phone or masturbating, to mention a few.
REASON
#336:
Do you have it in you?
Not right now, babe, but I hope to
on Saturday night.
REASON #337: Guaranteed
more fun than your ex!
It’s
good to set the bar low.
REASON
#338:
R U the 1 !
No. Why might you
think so!
REASON #339: Can you make me jump
on Oprah's couch?
Do
you have liability insurance?
REASON
#340:
For our first date, we can go anywhere
except -name of a bar-, because I’m
banned for life after firing a plastic arrow into the owner’s eye’s on
Halloween, while dressed as Cupid. In my defense, I was aiming for his
girlfriend, but confessing to flirting with his girl probably won’t get me back
in.
I’
understand your dilemma, sweetheart. While I’ prefer a steady shot like
George who nails the target effortlessly, kudos to you for the funniest ad I’ve’ seen in a long time.
It's difficult to believe that these could get funnier and funnier, but you truly made my Friday. I'm glad I have Ray. Glad you have George. And glad also for plenty of free space in my house - I am okay with sitting alone in my room (and he can be in the media room!). Chocolate cheers to you.
ReplyDeleteAlone time is so pleasurable on so many levels, right? So glad to have made your Friday, Joanne. Thank you, and happy weekend.
Delete"REASON #336: Do you have it in you?
ReplyDeleteNot right now, babe, but I hope to on Saturday night. "
"While I’ prefer a steady shot like George who nails the target effortlessly..."
Y'ever notice how annoying the people who are getting some can be? Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding lol.
(Don't mind the cranky old man. He's too sick to look for it and not sure what to do with it if he wasn't...)
There's nothing more nauseating than someone who boasts about getting some, I know. Sorry, CW. It's rare that I get to annoy in this manner, so I intend to hammer down the point as long as I'm able. Wink.
DeleteReason #335: Priceless response. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI needed to clean the screen anyway...
Your laughter makes me laugh, and my screen needed a cleanse too, Jac. Thank YOU. Smiles.
DeleteAt least the last one was honest!
ReplyDelete#336 wins for your response.
I'm glad you like it, Alex. The ones I spent the least time on usually turn out to be the funniest.
Deletelol #336 is the clear winner as he loses out while you go sinner.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope he doesn't have to ask the next gal that question when he attempts to go sinner with her.
DeleteOh my flippin' gosh...there are really people like that out there! :)
ReplyDeletePlenty of them, Martha. Far too many.
DeleteI doubt Tom Cruise will ever live down that maniacal stunt on Oprah's couch. He isn't even married to that woman anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt is ironic, isn't it? Destroy Oprah's couch and end up divorced...the whole saga doesn't bode well for that dufus.
DeleteREASON #334: there is no spoon...
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, Robyn, you have no idea how many times I've heard this, and wanted to shout: You little boy-men, how can you beat ya meat, if you can't find a spoon to eat your pudding??!!
Must I do everything? Really Robyn, that's the one I relate to... now I'm off to find an ice cream sandwich. I know how to use my hands just fine. :)
Your responses always throw me into a giggle attack, Dixie. "How can you eat ya meat..." You're hysterical. And really, dude, find a spoon before you venture into the dating world.
DeleteOops, i forgot the 'b' in 'beat.'
DeleteI'm just tickled you knew the song!! (smile)
Delete#340 has some charm.
ReplyDeleteAnd all of your responses are a clear indication that George is a winner. On a lot of levels.
#340 does have a silly side. He's a cut about the rest, especially the one who has no spoon. I assume he has no knife either.
DeleteYou know I'm thinking West Side Story:
Delete"No knife, no life, and you ain't got no wife!"
I'm so sorry! It just happens. I hear music when I hear dumb sheeeet.
Reason #337 and your reply are my favorite. What are people thinking when they write these?
ReplyDeleteThey're not, Rhonda. That would require accessing braincells.
DeleteIf it doesn't work out with George, Robyn, you should go on a date with the Cupid guy. His aim isn't great, but he should give you good material for your next novel.
ReplyDeleteI can't argue with that, GB. Good recommendation.
DeleteThese are hilarious, as usual. I wonder (but not much) about their success rate.
ReplyDeleteI wonder too, Mitchell (but not much), if they think this strategy is a winning one. Or I simply wonder if they think.
DeleteAnd they wonder why they aren't getting anyone to answer their ads???? Lordy.
ReplyDeleteThere are some wacky women out there, JoJo. I wonder if any of them ever respond favorably. Nah! What am I thinking?!
DeleteLOL @ #337!
ReplyDeleteHaha, we gotta give that guy credit for the best strategy of the litter.
DeleteIt’s good to set the bar low - LOL! Why would anyone think that was a plus?
ReplyDeleteHeehee, maybe it's only a plus relative to the competition's self-promotional tactics, Diane.
Deletewhat's the matter, Robyn, with #340. Don't you want to be seen with a guy dressed a cuid? That one is too funny
ReplyDeleteIt really is funny. I'm afraid I'd be walking around with plastic arrows sticking out of every orifice. Eww.
DeleteI am rising from the dead and looking at blogs:) You made me laugh so thank you and I loved your response to 336 and 337. The last guy...oh my, not a good way to say hi to someone
ReplyDeleteYou'd think a simple "hello" would likely be more effective, right? I'm glad to make you laugh, Birgit. Thanks.
DeleteYou know Robyn, I MIGHT could get a date after all! LYMI ~ John Boy
ReplyDeleteYou might prolly could you might, John. Love you.
DeleteNot long after I met Willy Dunne Wooters, I told him he was much nicer than my ex-husband. He said, Well, he didn't set the bar very high, did he?
ReplyDeleteTrue, but I love WDW for being a kind person.
Love,
Janie
Funny, I got a guy really excited about our first date, after telling me a story about a former bf who got us stuck in the mud overnight in his four-wheeler. He said, enthusiastically, "So he set the bar low, huh?"
DeleteI'm glad WDW is kind. So is George, despite the bar being so low.
PS I meant that I told him that story. =)
DeleteI love 335. As I think I say after reading all of these: posts like this make me deliriously happy to be married, and having done so before online dating became popular.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you and your partner in Pickleoping, Pickleope Von Pickleope. It's hard to remember the pre-online dating days. At least, I met George in a cafe at Open Mic night, and not on-line. Phew.
DeleteIf I'm alone in my room, I know for sure what I'd do.
ReplyDeleteReading, of course.
What'd you think I meant?
Writing, of course. What do you think I thought you meant?
DeleteI love #338's brainless, lazy code speak. I had a book like that growing up, where full sentences were spelled out in simple letters.
ReplyDeleteI F E-10 Z L-F-N. U 8 1 2?
(I have eaten the elephant. You ate one too?)
Thank you for the translation, BnB. That's a lot more clever than #338's RU the 1! He B N id it!
DeleteBut why is there no spoon?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteAnd number 240? I have no words.
Hahaha...That's the question, BabySis. Why, oh why is there no spoon??? The world may never know.
ReplyDeleteGreat responses as always! I wish you could arrange a meeting with #340. He sounds like a lot of fun, and you could probably auction him off in a contest to promote your new book, if he can still fit into his Cupid costume!
ReplyDeleteJulie
As fun as he sounds, I'd be scared to meet him alone. Maybe I'll take George along.
DeleteGotta agree - 340 is an absolute classic. Why would you admit to that? lol
ReplyDeleteYeah, masturbating is as good an activity as anything I can think of...
Great stuff, again - dont give the series up!
x
Haha, thanks Anthony. Yeah, I can't give it up. It's an addiction. How sick is that?!
Deletexo
340 sounds like a fun guy. I'd go out with him once for shits and giggles. Who knows, he could be fun in the bedroom too. Doesn't sound like he'd say no to a little role play action.
ReplyDeleteYou always make me laugh, Theresa. I agree, except that he has bad aim. That doesn't bode well for a lover, you know?
Delete"It's good to set the bar low." Hahaha! Another great edition. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness- those are just too funny.
ReplyDeleteNice job on the Tom Cruise reference. He's a weirdo and they got divorced.
ReplyDelete