In response, I said this. My point, and a message I wish to convey for April's IWSG, is: Laugh! Don't take yourself too seriously and go all snobby-clueless-fool like Martie. Someone might think you're an expert at something. Or request a gluten-free vegan homemade quiche. Or offer one. And you might land in the stony lonesome. (Thanks, JustKeepinItReal, for that phrase.)
Now, on with the show.
Hi, I'm Martha Stewart. Of course, you knew that. Everybody does. But perhaps you didn't know that I'm hosting the A to Z Challenge here, as an act of charity and to introduce my new
Adult Lifestyle line. Pictured here, for the letter A, I'm wearing my
Attractive And Aesthetically Appeasing Anklet
for House Arrest
I stole this beauty from Chico's Clothing Store in Chico, CA. That's the same city where the *bleep* who runs this blog lives. You see, I wanted to get a lay of the land or - well - a lay, but oh, those small town hicks aren't tasteful enough to bed me. But I have friends, and dogs, and batteries, and this jeweled anklet that shimmers with a delightful burst of bling. You'll find it especially useful for those times when you're under house-arrest and hosting what Lindsay Lohan and I like to call -Martha raises her index and middle fingers, then curls them over to indicate quotation marks- "tea" with the real housewives of Beverly Hills or New Haven, Connecticut. *Wink.*
I think I would like to see Martha wear that stunning piece of bling in a smaller size. Around her throat.ReplyDelete
Great suggestion, EC. Thank you. I'll work on it.Delete
Love that new anklet Martha. Happy AtoZ, are you ready . . . too late, it's here.ReplyDelete
What Elephant's Child said!!ReplyDelete
You are going to have so much fun this month...
The fun has just begun, right, Alex?Delete
I have no feelings for Martha one way or the other. Perhaps we'll be spending this month attempting to change that. By the way, it took me a while (to the end of the post when I saw the button) to figure out "IWSG".ReplyDelete
Really? I thought everyone knew that WSWG I mean ISGW err IWSG means...WTH does it mean? I always have to look at the badge too, Pickleope Von Pickleope.Delete
Maybe she could put that around her eyes and not see blogs anymore, or keep it there and go play in traffic.ReplyDelete
Surely she could find a better use for it, as you suggest, Pat.Delete
It's the snobby attitude that gets to me. But I don't pay much attention to this woman, so who really cares?ReplyDelete
Sadly, millions do, Martha (sorry you share her name; you're not at all like her). She has an endless group of worshippers.Delete
I can think of other places that bling ankle thing would be more appropriate...ReplyDelete
BEST COMMENT AWARD GOES TO YOU! Thanks, Jacq. Love it!Delete
Yeah not a fan of ol' Martha but I have wondered why she went to jail for insider trading but most rich white men don't.ReplyDelete
Good point, JoJo. I suspect it's because she's Martha Stewart. But the jail house (Anderson) looks more like a B&B.Delete
Ha! What defines an expert, anyway? If you're blogging about something you're likely passionate about it. So you've probably spent a fair amount of time doing/writing/baking/sewing it.ReplyDelete
Exactly, Nick. Plus who wants to be an "expert?" We're about relating with each other on an equal playing field, not from a glass house on a hill in Martha's Vineyard with 25 acres of lush green fields, one dozen beautiful white horses...and, oh, it would be nice. Right?Delete
I would be very interested to see how one makes a vegan quiche.ReplyDelete
I thought of that too, Ruth. It'd likely turn out like flat bread, right?Delete
Pretty much. Instead of real eggs, you'd have to make flax eggs which is ground flax mixed with water. Mmm. tasty.Delete
Haha, I'd rather chomp on paperclips.Delete
Hilarious, Robyn! Martha really is getting extra bitchy these days. And your line "I have friends, and dogs, and batteries" made me laugh out loud -- I expected Martha to break out into her own version of "These are a few of my favourite things."ReplyDelete
Thanks so much, Debra. She wanted to sing for this series, but - sheesh - I had to draw the line somewhere for that diva b*tch. I don't want to lose all my followers.Delete
If only she would stay under house arrest forever.ReplyDelete
It would be nice for the world.Delete
So she gets the bang(le) without paying the bucks.ReplyDelete
Well said, DC. LOL. I'm laughing. Thank you.Delete
Now Martha doesn't realize but they are making a special crystal button that will attach to her mouth:)ReplyDelete
Excellent. I like it. She'll probably be okay with it if it's nicely polished crystal too.Delete
Bloggers are keeping Martha relevant... so I guess the jokes on her.ReplyDelete
Thanks for keepin' the laughs coming'!
Yeah, I think we bloggers made her realize this after those asinine statements on her part. She supposedly took back her statement, for whatever that's worth. (Not a half-penny, if you ask me.) Plus SHE is and was a blogger when she said it. That idiot.Delete
Thanks for joining the fun, Lauren.
That's a pretty anklet actually. :)ReplyDelete
Isn't it nice? I think I'll steal it when she's sleeping.Delete
Lay of the land?ReplyDelete
That would hurt.
Yeah, you are right, Al. And think of what it would do to the soil. Ewww.Delete
Sooner or later everyone will realize that Martha Stewart has made her fortune by making women feel miserable. Really, who can afford her lifestyle? It would take an annual income of millions of dollars.ReplyDelete
It's ridiculous, Stephen. Even seemingly simple crafts she advertises are way out of the range of your hard working family. She's completely clueless.Delete
I am going to have to make up words for this month, just to express my joy at your writing and creativity. Oh Martha - this shall be a cruel (but hilarious) month.ReplyDelete
I like it, Joanne. Can't wait to see new words around here...at Martie's expense. Woohoo! Thanks.Delete
Does Martha really think bloggers (or anyone) are experts at everything they write about. I love you Martha S. but seriously, be quiet. Happy April Fools Day to you too Robyn.ReplyDelete
High-five, girlfriend. I'm laughing at your statement to Martha. Seriously, Stewy, shut that trap of yours.Delete
She doesn't understand that we don't like and don't want to be "experts."
Now that's a stunning ankle bracelet! Martha has been pretty brazen lately, as she really let The Bieber have it at his roast. Your twenty-six roasts of Martha, will be a lot more fun and original! An A+ on your first A to Z post, Robyn!ReplyDelete
I don't know about the Bieber's roast, Julie, and I suspect that's a good thing.Delete
Thanks so much. I haven't seen an A+ in years. WOOHOO!
I'm feel kind of bad for Martha...being a snotty know-it-all-b*tch is all she has. She'd never understand blogging since it's all about community.ReplyDelete
Seriously? She must be a little scared that we're moving in on her territory.
She IS clearly intimidated, Elizabeth. She bashes those she's threatened by (bloggers, Gwyneth Paltrow, etc.) But she's also got her millions. Or is it billions? Disgusting, I tell ya.Delete
Thanks for coming by. Happy April.
This should be a very interesting A-Z challenge. I look forward to it. :)ReplyDelete
The fun has just begun, BabySis! =)Delete
Who is Martha Stewart?ReplyDelete
People have been asking for decades, Happy. You'll learn who she really is here, this month.Delete
The sad thing is, I can totally see her bedazzling her ankle bracelet. And for the record, her products are shit. Bought a few in my younger years and find they aren't even fit to wipe a butt with.ReplyDelete
Haha. Your reviews are always spot-on, so I don't doubt this. Plus, plenty of others have said the same about her products. Plus all the lawsuits...Delete