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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Size Matters

This message pops up on my screen: “Nerd_Who’s_Hot” wants to meet you."
Yeah, what’s this nerd got to offer by way of blog fodder? I thought, reluctantly clicking on his profile.

Whew! I needed air. He was indeed hot, else the photo he borrowed was a great choice. Plus, his ad included no glaring typos, no narcissistic droning, no philosophical existential “I am one with the world, so be one with me” crap. In fact, two exes wrote positively exceptional commendations, the kind spurring the inquiry: “So, why aren’t you still together if he’s all that?”

Moreover, he looked hot. I don’t mean to emphasize this point, and I’m not superficial. Not always. It’s rare that I’m so enchanted. Really.

As it goes, of course, there were just a few minor issues. He (1) lives 465 miles away and (2) surpasses my height by 1.5 feet. Since he’s hot, I respond: “Why are all the good ones tall and/or geographically undesirable?” I further explain that, not only do I live across the state, but I am 5 feet tall in 4 inch heels. I hate wearing heels, though.

Insert increased heartbeat, knuckle cracking, and yawns as I await a reply.

The delay was worth it. One week later, this message appears: “Why are all the sexy ones Jewish?”

“Cute,” I write back, wishing him luck in finding a woman worthy of his wit and hotness. Well, I didn’t add that bit about the hotness. It’s implied, and I’m not superficial. Not usually. I am one to admit, though, that size matters. Sorry, guys.


  1. When I was online there was a guy...the hottest guy I ever saw on that website... I never initiated contact first except with him. He lived across the country and had four kids so I knew it was pointless. I wrote him anyway. I said, "I am sure you get this all the time but you are incredibly good looking. Have a good day.". He wrote back. "Thanks! You are gorgeous!" best five minutes of my life up to that point.

  2. It's so true!! The good ones are always taken, or live too far away, or something to that affect. *sigh* Silly men!!

  3. Yeh, and all the cute girls have an out of town boyfriend attenting a military academy. I don't buy it for a second. Can't be real or he IS real but hides the fact that he has an 11th toe until the third date. If he was so perfect some woman he is related to would have set him up with her best friend or her best friend's sister who has only nine toes - so in truth it's a fairy tale match that completes the set, as it were. I am not buying it. Any guy who is on a dating site is a goober or drives across country in his refrideration truck and collects bodies. It's a fact. I know because I read it online. Don't be fooled - hang out at the grocery store and talk to men who are shoping alone. If the salad dressing they buy is anything other than RANCH - you jump at that prize steer and you ride him for the full eight seconds.

    *Okay, I write great comments, but THAT one should be imortalized in a museum somewhere.

  4. haha, fate has a funny way of playing things out.

    The real question is whether he's willing to learn yiddish and move for you.

  5. What? You aren't into the Mutt and Jeff look? So he's tall, I am vertically challenged myself and that's were my man comes in handy. But you do have to weigh the pros and cons. The distance dating would certainly be a problem. Happy Hunting! :D ~Ames

  6. If only I could find a hot man who is 1.5 feet taller than me!!!

  7. A lot of women your size seem to prefer tall men, e.g. the singer Suzy Quatro and Sassy Miss Kara (linked in my blog). Kara thought having to stand on a box to get kissed was romantic. Jewish women are more practical, I suppose.

  8. My wife's not very tall either - it can work. And her head makes an excellent chin rest.

  9. Well, at least it was good for your ego, right?? I love your entertaining descriptions of these guys you "meet"!

    BTW, if I wasn't so dadgum sneaky, you would've guessed correctly on my 5 lies quiz. I linked to you in my post anyway, though. I also tagged you to participate in the 5 lies game next...only if you want. :)

  10. I love living vicariously through your dating adventures. I am still hot to find my friend a guy, so I have been working over her e-harmony account. Oh, perhaps I should back off. Well, I'll think about it.

  11. Nothing wrong with eye-candy...just saying :0)

  12. Pack up your bag and take a chance. You never know. He may be the one! :)

  13. 1.5 feet is not a tall I er mean big deal...

  14. Noelle, exactly. You get it. Thanks!:0)
    BabySis, so true that it's so true. xo

    Kal, you have outdone yourself. How did you know about the toe thing? The Ranch dressing? Refrigeration? Damn,you're good! xo

    AlphaZa, that's right. If not, I won't be (hot and) bothered by him. ;0]

    Thanks Ames. I'm not actually hunting for me, just for blog fodder. xo

    Ca88, LOL. Try the internet thing, if you're brave or just want good blog fodder. <-;

    GB, I guess we all want someone worthy of looking up to. Therein lies the challenge. But I'm just looking for fodder at this point. xo

    That's cute Alex, as long as she doesn't mind. {-;

    Kelley, thanks! Yes, an ego boost is as good as it gets. xo

    Betty, it all depends. How good of a friend is she? ;-}

    Marnie, you said it. xo

    Sarah, I think not. As Alpha suggests, he'd need to learn Yiddish and move for me. [-:

    Baygirl, for some men, it's impossible to achieve. Er, I mean, for some women, it is a big deal. xo

  15. Well, I am a very average size and I landed a smokin' hotty. Which makes me wonder what I would have landed if I was a little shorter.

    So do you think that was his actual picture or a borrowed one? His screen name is kinda lame so it makes me wonder.

  16. Cheeseboy, LOL.
    I changed his screen name up a bit. I think it's him, cuz there are several photos, and they don't look professionally done. A woman gets good at spotting the "borrowed" ones. xo

  17. Maybe you need to be looking at a midget dating site. They might be right up your alley.

  18. PTM, hey, watch it! I used to like you. Don't upset me too much, else I may need to kick you where it hurts. xo

  19. Oh my....465 miles isn't so long as you only plan to date once every couple of months or so. What the heck.

  20. You know, there are jets for distance & baby-sitters for children. ;-)