On Why I Choose Celibacy, Part I

To follow are 5 of my reasons for choosing celibacy. These blurbs are taken directly from internet dating ads. Several of the guys emailed me, expressing interest. I found the others during a failed search for a grain of normalcy. Bottom line: I choose celibacy. Here’s why (My comments are in bold italics):

REASON #1: Note the specific categories to which this guy responded, because he clearly did not.

MY ETHNICITY: I feel like u should treat somebody with respect and like they are a person not a peice of meat or whatever. I am the type of person who wants somebody to feel wanted not just as a trophy. Hmm, sounds like you’re one of those misunderstood mutts who has to check the “Other” box a lot. It does kind of make you feel like a peice of meat, doesn’t it? Sorry, trophy boy.
MY RELIGION: I am a very affectionate person and I love to cuddle, I like to show somebody how I feel not just telling them Are you trying to say that you're a Mormon?
LAST READ: I am very relationship oriented and I believe life is too short to waste. Where can I find this book, and is it illustrated?

MY PETS: I consider myself to be very simple…Indeed you are. I believe that women needs to be treated with respect and as a equal partner in a relationship, but all I seem to find is the ones that does not know how to respond to that or is untrusting to it. Maybe that’s because you consider ‘a women a equal’ to your pets. Do you serve them cat food in a bowl, or do they eat it straight from a can?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #2: ..A man that will stick to the oath of for better for worse and till death do us part i am not saying i am looking for a perfect man but the right man . What the – ok, dude, I don’t know if you skipped out on Sex Ed. Day in 5th grade, but you do know that you are listed as a man seeking a woman. Right? Um, are you seeking a man or a woman? See, there’s actually a difference. The more I communicate with you, the more fascinated I am becoming. I am very definitely interested. We are very definitely at a very early stage of a relationship We are? Funny, I didn’t correspond at all. It’s like this: I’m avoiding any kind of interaction, because you are a weirdo. and I don't expect any unreasonable commitments. I only ask that you be totally honest. See above for total honesty. Hint: You are a weirdo.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #3: I am a firm believer of freewill. Freewill? Isn’t that the movie about a boy who falls in love with a killer whale? Cool, I believe in that stuff too! I must connect with persons who also believe in solid freewill. Oh, “solid freewill.” The whale’s pretty burly. Is that what you mean? I mean freewill Yeah, I got that much; of choice with no regrets, Hmm just understanding about life’s gifts and lessons. Enjoy every moment possible for tomorrow may bring the end of those moments Not good. Quite sad. Gotta tissue?, which is fine when you appreciate the time spent with another. The future will always come to give us a hopeful interest and enlighten our lives. How does that work, if tomorrow may be the end? This is why I respect others and pay attention to each person’s character, which I may fully connect with the ones they and I choose to connect with in a mind, physical and emotion relationship. This freewill stuff is kind of a downer. I think the Director had a different tone in mind. Excuse me while I ride my solid freewill outta here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #4: I have a mother so, you don’t try to do my chores and I will make the effort to view your comments about your life as an expression, as such I will try not to see them as problems to fix. Deal?! Who could refuse such a warmhearted deal? Tell you what, darling, I will let you and your mommy do your chores together. I’ll even give you plenty of space. It's a deal!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #5: Just to be completely open, anyone who claims to be a Liberal should just pass me by. I'm only interested in women who can actually think for themselves, so therefore they cannot be a Liberal. Just to be completely open, my brain cells are simmering right now. I think I'm having a thought. Wait! Here it is: You are a pea-brained dumb ass! Guess what? I thought of that one all by myself, and I’m a Liberal.
Any questions as to why I choose celibacy?...I didn’t think so.