Martha Stewart Returns to Speak on Irrelevance

Robyn: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Start spreadin' the newwwws! a (semi) manly bare-chested Martha blasts onto our stage, flailing and kicking dramatically, as she belts out  I'm leavin' today! I want to-- Robyn: Martha! Stop! Shush! Martha, determined to finish, skips to her grand finale: New York! New-eww-ewww, YORK!!! She extends her arms to her sides and bows repeatedly for the (non existing) audience. Robyn: You've totally lost it, lady! We had a beautiful break from you---  Martha: Oh what a beautiful mooorrrning! Oh what a beautiful--- STOP! Robyn screams. QUIET! Martha stops, insulted. Well, someone hasn't gotten any in a long, long time. And I know long. I used to date Anthony Hopkins,* you know. (*True story - they lasted one year.) Robyn: Talk about scary.  For him. Look, here's the thing, woman. You're completely irrelevant. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is paying attention to you anymore. You mean nothing. How are you dealing with this vast amount of irrelevance, Martie? Martha: It's simple really. Martha smiles. Now, I've never had irregulations myself. But the best measure is to pluck a handful of nice, juicy prunes from your fresh spring garden. Oh how I miss the prison's garden! -Sigh- Slice them babies up into bite-sized pieces, and add them to my specialty salad - with a fistful of robust pine nuts and a squirt of light vinaigrette. Grope the salad with both hands to squeeze out the flowing liquid and -- Martha unleashes an excited exhale, then wipes a bead of sweat from her brow -- Oh where is my carrot? Robyn: Leave! Now! Crazy b*tch!   Robyn then turns to the camera and addresses the home viewers. I'm very sorry for these zany antics, my friends.  
Please have a safe and pleasant week. 
Keep a smile and stay silly!
You are relevant.   

 
 

Reasons for Celibacy, #18-23

My Dears,
   Sorry I've been gone for a bit. Lots going on - mostly good, the rest manageable. The good stuff, I'll report to you when time is right and fairly soon.
   How are you doing?
   Laughter is always needed. I hope to provide. That said, I now present reasons 18-23 for a celibate existence. These are, as usual, lifted directly from on-line ads and embellished by my snark.
   Keep a smile and some good chocolate handy.
   Love ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON 18: I like to go to the movies rock concerts. You mean, like the Flintstones? Do you drive with your bare feet on the road too? I like the little things in lif  Is lif the medication you’re taking?  I suggest an increased dosage. It might help you focus enough to find spellcheck.

REASON #19: I like big butts. I cannot lie. The other brothers try and deny but when a pretty female walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in my face, you know what happens. If this made you laugh then I am the guy for you, because that is exactly what I love doing. Making people laugh. You’ve got some work ahead of you, sweetheart.

REASON #20: Me Man You Woman Headline need help, Tarzan.

REASON #21: We love Zeppelin, and great food, and real literature. My wife wants a threesome. That sounds great to me! Can't wait to try. Let's talk about it. She is looking for a very specific sort of girl. We hope you are it. I’m appalled. You mention Zeppelin and “real literature” in the same sentence! What kind of gal do you think I am?

REASON #22: Intelligent, articulate, chivalrous, romantic, very passionate, open minded, dominant but never domineering and sensual. Great kisser (I practice a lot when I am alone!). Hint: I wouldn’t publicize this… I only want to have to carry you part of the time! I don’t want your hands on me any of the time!

REASON #23: Looking For a Friend First I want to meet a women that wants to make a commitment to spend the rest of are life's together. Sounds like (you’re) an oxymoron. 

For fun, I entered a Peep Diorama contest. I didn't win, but I'm quite certain Gumby had a great time. (Hint: See lower left side of photo.)

                                                                Flo's Peep Show

The Holy Trinity: Robyn, Bernie, and the Pope

Happy Easter.

I'm spending my day with (my) Bernie...Alright, I confess, that was a poor attempt at an April Fool's Day joke. Don't fall for any of those. You won't; you're too smart for that. (I always do, though.)

Be well, Silliest of the most Silly.