My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Martha Stewart Returns to Speak on Irrelevance

Robyn: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Start spreadin' the newwwws! a (semi) manly bare-chested Martha blasts onto our stage, flailing and kicking dramatically, as she belts out  I'm leavin' today! I want to-- Robyn: Martha! Stop! Shush! Martha, determined to finish, skips to her grand finale: New York! New-eww-ewww, YORK!!! She extends her arms to her sides and bows repeatedly for the (non existing) audience. Robyn: You've totally lost it, lady! We had a beautiful break from you---  Martha: Oh what a beautiful mooorrrning! Oh what a beautiful--- STOP! Robyn screams. QUIET! Martha stops, insulted. Well, someone hasn't gotten any in a long, long time. And I know long. I used to date Anthony Hopkins,* you know. (*True story - they lasted one year.) Robyn: Talk about scary.  For him. Look, here's the thing, woman. You're completely irrelevant. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is paying attention to you anymore. You mean nothing. How are you dealing with this vast amount of irrelevance, Martie? Martha: It's simple really. Martha smiles. Now, I've never had irregulations myself. But the best measure is to pluck a handful of nice, juicy prunes from your fresh spring garden. Oh how I miss the prison's garden! -Sigh- Slice them babies up into bite-sized pieces, and add them to my specialty salad - with a fistful of robust pine nuts and a squirt of light vinaigrette. Grope the salad with both hands to squeeze out the flowing liquid and -- Martha unleashes an excited exhale, then wipes a bead of sweat from her brow -- Oh where is my carrot? Robyn: Leave! Now! Crazy b*tch!   Robyn then turns to the camera and addresses the home viewers. I'm very sorry for these zany antics, my friends.  
Please have a safe and pleasant week. 
Keep a smile and stay silly!
You are relevant.   

 
 

24 comments:

  1. What on EARTH could Anthony Hopkins and Martha Stewart have in common? FAVA BEANS and a NICE CHIANTI?

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    1. I know. Could you think of a stranger pairing, Deb? I can't.

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  2. Her face is one giant prune. I think Hopkins went slightly crazy...or blind.

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    1. I agree, Birgit. He went Hannibal or Helen Keller or both. Yikes.

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  3. Replies
    1. It was all downhill for Martie after Kmart.
      Thanks for popping in, Elizabeth.

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  4. Anthony Hopkins has stooped to a new low...

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    1. I wonder how they met. Do you think she gave him a soup recipe, Alex?

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  5. Who better to speak on the subject of irrelevancy (and I didn't think I could think of any topic Martha was right for). How wrong I was.

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    1. Yes, EC. Irrelevancy is relevant to Martie. Thank goodness.

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  6. And I thought Hopkins going to Transformers was bad. Dating her is a million times worse.

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  7. Thoroughly enjoyed traveling down Martha Stewart’s, Irrelevant Memory Lane.

    Thank you for reading and commenting on my Guest Post (Alex's site). It's good to meet you.

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    1. Thank you, Lynn. Great to connect with you as well.

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  8. Thanks for keeping the spirit of Martha alive. I wonder if she made any close friends in prison?

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    1. Rumour has it, Jono, she and the prison guard got a bit too close. Poor guy.

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  9. You are keeping her dirty memory alive.

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    1. If only she wasn't so persistent. It's really not my fault, Spunk. =)
      Be well.

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  10. Oh, my. Is she in the news again?

    And you're not fooling me, Robyn. That photo of her was doctored, wasn't it?

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    1. I, I don't know what you mean Silver. I'm not a doctor.
      PS Drats! Caught again.
      PPS She only makes the news at Life by Chocolate on rare occasion - thus, she remains as irrelevant as could be.

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  11. I never know what Martha is going to do next!

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    1. Me neither, Connie.
      Wish we could get a permanent break, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

      Be well.

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  12. Does she have any connection with Trump or his lawyers?


    I have decided to consolidate my two blogs (one is more professional) as I can’t see any reason to keep working on them both. In a strange way this feels like I’m coming out of the closet as I haven’t written about my livelihood. Most of my posts from now on will be at www.thepulpitandthepen.com

    You’re welcome to stop by.

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  13. just when you think Martha is not in the news..here she is on your blog. Now that's news. Too funny, my friend. Thanks for irrelevance. We need it these days.

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