Reasons for Celibacy, #29-33

Hi, Dear Sillies,
   First, I want to point you to Joanne's blog - in case you're not one of her groupies. I'm being selfish. Joanne gave Trumpeter a wonderful spotlight. She's also just an all-out awesome blogger, author, woman, and e-friend. You should follow her blog and buy my book. If you haven't already. 
   Now, it's time to present more reasons for celibacy. As usual, these are lifted from internet dating ads and mixed with my italicized snark.
   Be well, my friends, and laugh.

   Love you.
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REASON #29: Argue like an italian. Well, okay. Your Mama's cannoli is the ugliest I've ever seen! What man would want a piece of that?

REASON #30: Me likey the noir. Me no likey your noir.

REASON #31: Looking for a woman who gots my back I gots to guess you gots one of those hairy backs. I gots no interest.

REASON #32: I shall endevour to be as neutral and accurate as possible while maintaining a     "Positive Spin" in a P.T. Barnum kinda way. That sentence was extremely painful, in a freak show PT Barnum kind of way. Lived in a Norman Rockwell painting for several years with no parental supervision. I suppose if I lived in a painting, I’d make sure my parents weren’t watching me either. I am searching for the woman of my dreams. ( Note the use of the singular subject of the sentence.) (Once again, please note the use of the singular noun.) Sweetheart, I suggest you get used to the singular thing.

REASON #33: Need someone to fetch me beers! I have a suggestion, love bug. It goes like this: Go to the nearest kennel, ask for an empty cage, and stay in it. 

On Me, Men, and Meshugenah

Hi, Dear Sillies,

How are you? Please say, and say honestly, that you're doing fine.

Life is meshugenah. This means "crazy" in a fun, Yiddish sort of way.

A lot of excitement has ensued in the aftermath of my breakup with Dude Three last Fall. No worries if you don't remember the story. I'll catch ya up. And because I don't have a real photo of them, I borrowed this resemblance from google images.

Here's the cast of characters:

Dude Three - latest boyfriend. Our relationship lasted approximately 7 weeks. I know. It's almost a new record for me. But when he proved himself an angry, mentally unstable man, I called quits.

Skank - A neighbor and a friend, initially. Note that I don't judge women who sleep around. I envy them. But this one gets the nickname Skank because she made moves on Dude Three while pretending nothing was going on, when I spoke with her about the breakup. She then announced her new love for him on FB with a photo of them holding hands. Next, weeks later, he moved in with her. Down the street from me. Note 2: We're all in our fifties. Note 3: This story falls under the genre of nonfiction.

Me - sexually repressed, not-wanting-to-settle-but-routinely-and-naively-settling me. Yet I typically come back to the realization that my life is much better alone. With batteries.

   Months had passed since I learned of their coupledom. I grew tired of, but used to, seeing Dude Three's car every day and night. None of us spoke, though we saw each other regularly.
   Skank would continue to park her car next to mine, in a space that isn't hers. (It's another neighbor, Geezer's. More on him later.)  But I remained mature and well behaved. You all helped me with that. ("Be tall, Robyn." You advised. I thus stood as erect as my 4 foot 8 inch stature allowed.)  Oh, besides the one time I shouted "Skank!" as she walked by my front window. (Damn Tourette's.)
   One morning earlier this summer, I stepped out to put a few items in my car. Skank was by the mailboxes, a yard or so away. She'd purposely been parking extra close to my car, making it difficult to open my car door. I decided enough time had passed, I'd be mature.
   "Would you please not park so close to my car?" I asked, in a polite and calm tone.
   Things got ugly fast.
   Skank dashed to the carport to show me that she'd not crossed an imaginary halfway mark. "Look! This is halfway! See this line! I'm not over the line! Geezer lets me park here! I'm not in your sp--"
   I opened my car door to demonstrate my lack of space. "I can't even open this without hitting--''. My door hit her car, proving my argument.

   Skank's eyes widened. She grabbed her front door handle, opened and then slammed the door viciously against my car. Then again!
   Shocked and angered, my adrenaline soared.
   Skank had left a visible long vertical streak of paint on my car...to be continued. 

Hint: It gets worse.  

Latest in Chocolate: Chocolate Frosted Flakes

Hi, Dear Sillies,
How are you?
I'm always thinking about you.
This time, my thoughts took me to...

Admittedly, I didn't eat these for breakfast. I only sampled a scoopful at Costco. That's all it took. Didn't want to spend money on Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. The are not GGGGRREEAT! Don't do it, friends. I love the original. I love chocolate. (Duh.) But this combination is just wrong. I don't know what they use for chocolate flavoring but I don't think it's...chocolate. It hard to detect any real chocolate. Whatever it is, it drowns out the formerly loved cereal for me. I give Kellogg's Chocolate Frosted Flakes a 1 on a 1-10 scale (10 being GGGRRREEAT!). Why'd ya go and ruin a good thing, Kellogg's? Take 'em off the shelves. That'd be great.

Have you tried these? Given them to your kids? Dogs or cats? Let me know what you think.

Be well, and take care of your great selves, my dears.

I love ya. 

A Beer for the Chocolate or Life by the Shower

Dear Sillies,
Joanne Faries already won our Giveaway Game, when she guessed that those Tornado Shelter signs are in fact in Denver Colorado's Airport.  I went to Denver for a needed getaway, and to visit with friends. One of those friends is someone we all know, love, and miss a lot.

When I first saw their blog, I figured they were obnoxious frat guy types --so cute, couple-y, and confident. Years later, one of them is now a busy Daddy to a one year old. The other has become a very dear friend.

This was our first in-person meeting.

Yeah, I got to meet Bryan Pedas of A Beer for the Shower fame! We had a yummy Vietnamese meal, plus great discourse about our respective lives and creative endeavors. Bryan had to take the blog down, when blogger made for all sorts of complications with his responding to readers. Don't worry, though. He's working on an animated film. I've been honored to be privy to the process, and I'm beyond impressed. It's like nothing I've ever seen. He's amazing, as we know. Very thoughtful and as nice as can be too. The same could be said for Brandon. I think. We just don't know if he actually exists, but I'm told he does. Oh and the cat on Bryan's shirt? He's been asked if that's an actual photo. As in: Is that truly an astronaut cat? Naturally, he responded to the effect of "Yes, it is. Only monkeys get credit for going into outer space, but this cat has been to the moon and back."

There you go. Making the cross from virtual to real life. A Beer for the Chocolate, Life by the Shower, or something. Our connections run deep and keep us going. Tis a wonderful world, this blog land.

Take care of yourselves, my friends.
Love you.