A Beer for the Chocolate or Life by the Shower

Dear Sillies,
Joanne Faries already won our Giveaway Game, when she guessed that those Tornado Shelter signs are in fact in Denver Colorado's Airport.  I went to Denver for a needed getaway, and to visit with friends. One of those friends is someone we all know, love, and miss a lot.

When I first saw their blog, I figured they were obnoxious frat guy types --so cute, couple-y, and confident. Years later, one of them is now a busy Daddy to a one year old. The other has become a very dear friend.

This was our first in-person meeting.

Yeah, I got to meet Bryan Pedas of A Beer for the Shower fame! We had a yummy Vietnamese meal, plus great discourse about our respective lives and creative endeavors. Bryan had to take the blog down, when blogger made for all sorts of complications with his responding to readers. Don't worry, though. He's working on an animated film. I've been honored to be privy to the process, and I'm beyond impressed. It's like nothing I've ever seen. He's amazing, as we know. Very thoughtful and as nice as can be too. The same could be said for Brandon. I think. We just don't know if he actually exists, but I'm told he does. Oh and the cat on Bryan's shirt? He's been asked if that's an actual photo. As in: Is that truly an astronaut cat? Naturally, he responded to the effect of "Yes, it is. Only monkeys get credit for going into outer space, but this cat has been to the moon and back."

There you go. Making the cross from virtual to real life. A Beer for the Chocolate, Life by the Shower, or something. Our connections run deep and keep us going. Tis a wonderful world, this blog land.

Take care of yourselves, my friends.
Love you.

Cover Story Finale: Please welcome Woman on the Verge of Paradise!

Four years ago, several blog friends told me I should write a book. At the same time, I was quietly planning one. That one, though, has my silly dating ads in it, and that one is in-the-works. For my first novel, I wanted to add a more meaningful book to the world of literature. Years later, when I finally had this story together, Bryan Pedas insisted on the perfect cover. I'm sure you'll agree, he created just that. (It wasn't easy, not even for Bryan. Brandon and Bryan's blog post explains. Oops, look for their upcoming post. =)) 

And now, dear world, please welcome Woman on the Verge of Paradise!

Book Dedication:

To the Readers of my blog, Life by Chocolate,

You have been unfaltering in your loyalty, caring,

encouragement, hilarity, and playfulness.

And so, my dear sillies,

This one's for you.

Lovingly.

She's 4 feet, 8 inches of heartfelt ferocity, and nothing can stop this post-pubescent spitfire from claiming her fairytale--not jarring tragedy, 
not penile incompetence, not even the explosive demise of a new marriage. 

Not until Robyn finds her happily ever after...alone.

She's an e-book and a paperback. Book link here.


Thank you for you patience, dear readers.

Please enjoy the Verge!

Cover Story: Final Book Cover Reject Quiz Question

Ladies and Gentlemen, Goats with Special Needs and those who love them,
We now present you with the final Book Cover Photo Reject Question.

But first, remember Robyn's story about a date with well-defined forehead lines? Just checking. Here's the question:

#3 Which one of these is Robyn and which is Peggy Sue?

You have only 10 seconds to respond.

                                Artistic savvy and saliva by the brilliantly creative Bryan Pedas.

Insert "She's a Very Kinky Girl".

Please return on Monday, July 27th, to see the real cover for Woman on the Verge of Paradise, as I launch the baby. That is, as I debut my book and launch dear Peggy Sue back to my friends, Brandon and Bryan. I'll miss her. Thanks, guys, for the loner. She made for a true spitting-image!

Cover Story, IV, The Party Continues: Peggy Sue and Robyn Get Sloshed

I gotta tell ya, folks, this Peggy Sue Comparison Game is much funner than a blog tour any day. And I didn't expect my book-cover photo session to be therapeutic at all, much less incredibly exhilarating.

Here's another moment of my chocolate drunkenness, during which it's challenging to decipher which is me and which is Peggy Sue.*

*Brandon and Bryan's CEO -- a goat with special needs and an orthopedic shoe.

#2 Which book-cover photo reject picture is Robyn and which is Peggy Sue?
You have 15 seconds to respond.
Insert songs, "You must've been a beautiful baby!" followed by "One Singular Sensation!"

         Bryan Pedas did such a great job with this, our expressions are the same.

One of us is wearing slightly more chocolate though, and she appears disgruntled that more chocolate made it onto her dress than in her mouth.

Stay tuned for the final comparison quiz question on Friday.

Be well, dear sillies. Somebody around here needs to be.

Cover Story, III: Robyn and Peggy Sue, Identical Twins?

Bryan Pedas readily agreed to design my book cover. [By the way, everyone I've referred to A Beer for the Shower has thanked me. I can't say enough about Brandon and Bryan; they're incredibly kindhearted, besides being creative geniuses. Plus Peggy Sue - a special needs goat with an orthopedic shoe - administers their blog...What could possibly go wrong?]

I had one favorite photo for the cover; no others would do. Yet it posed challenges. It was cropped horizontally, not vertically; there was very little room for text, and more. Any lesser person or goat would've said, "Baah and f*k you!" But Bryan thoughtfully asked to see all the photos he had to work with, while intent on using my favorite.

"Well, okay," I told him, "but I'm embarrassed. I look like that special needs goat of yours. What's his name?"

"Peggy Sue," he replied.

I further explained that, by this time in the photo shoot, after crossing the street, and after a few chocolate blemishes on my formerly elegant wedding dress, I got drunk on chocolate - so drunk that I splashed my neck with it while aiming for my head.

After Bryan got a healthy laugh (infused with love, of course) at the photos, he promised not to show anyone. But I couldn't resist. Peggy Sue and I bore such a striking resemblance, Bryan agreed to do me yet another favor and provide artistic proof.

So here we go with the first cover-photo-reject comparison quiz question.

#1 Which one is Robyn and which is Peggy Sue?

artistic realism by Bryan Pedas

Insert Jeopardy theme music and Alex Trebek asking, "Are you smarter than a mentally challenged goat wearing an orthopedic shoe, wedding dress, pearls, and blue candy-diamond ring, who's drunk on chocolate?"

Stay tuned for Question 2 on Wed, Ques 3 on Friday, and the real thing on Monday, July 27th. 

I can't believe I'm actually going to press "Publish." Oh wait, Peggy Sue already did. She was aiming for "Delete," though. Sorry, Peggy Sue. Our photos have gone live for all the world to see. Please, oh please, may this not go viral.

Be well, my sillies. Lord knows I'm not. 

Cover Story: Peggy Sue and My Book Cover, II.

Nervous that she'd know think I'm unwell, I spewed my cover concept to the main photographer, "I'll be wearing my elegant wedding dress, but with one obvious chocolate smudge. My book is called Woman on the Verge of Paradise. So, it's like everything's perfect, almost."

"I got it," Michelle said, and I went to change into my dress.

I'd picked up a four-pack of Dollar Store pudding the evening before (and ate two of them. Not bad at all, for a quarter each!), and a chocolate-chip mocha whatever latte tall or espresso grande short frapacinorother medium with whipped cream and a long wait but my name spelled correctly for only $6, a few doors down. Plus a pack of diamond candy rings for fun, and because I never had one before. 

The fun began, with Michelle's encouragement. Gulp. I smudged my dress the first time. [The hardest part was not eating the chocolate.]

It got easier, as I added to the smudge, then added more smudges...Then went outside and I grabbed my drink for more photos...

But the fun didn't really begin until we crossed a busy street - me in my chocolate wedding dress, accompanied now by two photographers and the influence of Bryan and Brandon's (and blogland's) beloved Peggy Sue...please return for part III.

Cover Story: The Making of My Book Cover as Influenced by Peggy Sue, part I.

Months ago, I set-out to create a memorable book cover for Woman on the Verge of Paradise. My strategy included these ingredients:

• some form of chocolate, the darker the better;
• my elegant 8-year old wedding dress, which still fit if I held my breath indefinitely and ignored the fact that the back snap kept popping open;
• a professional photography studio in Sacramento, CA;
• the creative genius of Bryan Pedas, one-half of the creative genius bro-duo at A Beer for the Shower. Oh, and one more thing...
• Peggy Sue. In case you haven't met her, Peggy Sue is Brandon and Bryan's CEO: a mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe. Only in hindsight did I realize Peggy Sue had influenced my book-cover photo-shoot. She and I would be like celibacy lookalikes, like DeVito and Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump and Miley Cyrus, Richard Simmons and a head of broccoli...We're talking kin-dread spirits. And I'll prove it to you in upcoming posts. For now, let's welcome Miss Peggy Sue. Peggy limps onto the stage with a lengthy, slobbery, "BAAAH!"

 

artwork by Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas, who first introduced

Peggy Sue here.

Thank you, B&B, for pushing her out of the helicopter. I don't even think she noticed there was no parachute. I'll kick her back your way after she assists with some demos. Actually, we could use her in CA. Drought and all. We haven't seen this much fluid in a long time. She really is special.

Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen, for a series of cover-reject photos.

Take care of yourselves, and have a laugh-filled week.

Mystery Box of Awesomeness from the Awesome Duo at A Beer for the Shower!

Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas of A Beer for the Shower, the duo that defines awesomeness through their every deed and creation, held a contest. I entered this artwork plus $1.32. It's all I could afford as bribery. It worked! I'd also read and reviewed Graveyard Shift and Demetri, exceptional books; their others top my "purchase and read stat" list. Anyway, I WON a Mystery Box of Awesomeness!

Days ago, stagehand Macaulay landed in the Mystery Box. I geared up*, as rumors swirled about its contents having included asbestos and, worse, cat hairs. 

I broke it open, and Culkin had already attacked the divine Lindt chocolates. Thus, his spontaneous obesity.

I uncovered a signed original piece, TUCK WATLEY. I devoured it - never laughed so uncontrollably in response to anything I've read. Note: I already won; I've no need to suck up again.

You can't notice due to my desire to look pretty in bubble wrap, but I'm holding the classic mirror from the cover of Graveyard Shift.

Stay tuned for a review of Young's Double Chocolate Stout!

I'm excited to shower with Porter's Vanilla Beer Soap!

Next, a computer link sent me to this awesome graphic. Their business card at the bottom had the link on its back.

I'm an ecstatic winner of B&B's Mystery Box, packed very thoughtfully with awesomeness to its full extent.
Thank you guys! You have my love and admiration, always.

*Also, thanks to the fine folks at Wittmeier Collision Center in Chico for donating all the colorful bubble wrap for this venture, and to my roommate for the expert photography and costume assistance.
Lastly, if you're jealous, forward $1.32 to B&B, and better luck next time.
Happy Friday and have a peaceful weekend, everyone.

Reasons for Celibacy, #308 - 311 / A Beer for the Shower Win Stifles Robyn With Fear and Paranoia

I will be vacationing from the real and virtual world for the next week and am leaving you with a smorgasbord of posts before my departure. Sorry, but the scheduling of posts thingy doesn't work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, back to more reasons for celibacy:

Reason #308: What happened to the Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of women?

I’m right here, sweetie. Come on over for dinner – white wine and boiled bunny.

Reason #309: IM JUST A LAID BACK GUY LOOKIN FOR A GOOD WOMAN, THAT DOESNT HAVE A TATTOO SLEEVE LIKE 50 CENT OR ENJOY GETTIN INTO BAR FIGHTS WIT MEN ON THA WEEKENDS. LOL BELIEVE ME ITS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS IN 2013.  Yeah, I imagine it’s even tougher this year, honey. Why just last night at the Tackle Box, the 300 pound security guard looked at me sideways. I took that bastard down. It wasn’t pretty for him, but I had a blast. Got some free drinks and loads of dates too. I can’t wait to hit the Crazy Horse this weekend. The only downside is that I’m afraid we’re not a match. Good luck wit your search, sweetie.

Reason #310: are you here

Yes and no. I’m here, not there. Were I there, you’d see me here. Since I’m here, you don’t see me there. Were you to see me there, you wouldn’t be asking. Are you asking? There’s no question mark after here there. So there you have it. Here’s to you!

Reason #311: NOTIFICATION: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, advertising, sales, or any other reason-you DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. Oh, um, oops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~on a different note:

I'm scared! I won a package of awesomeness from Bryan Pedas and Brandon Meyers, my favorite duo, of ABeerfortheShower. If you know them, you understand my fears. I'm gearing up to open the package...it hasn't yet arrived. I thought I should post this now, for the record. You know, to have witnesses and stuff. [Truthfully, I can't wait. They are so awesome.]

Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout: Don't Try This At Home or elsewhere

We interrupt our Merchant Marine story for this commercial break.
ROGUE's DOUBLE Chocolate STOUT beer...

See its darkness. Notice its shiny red bottle and the words "Double" and "Chocolate" in, respectively, white bold caps and pretty curly font. Hear me when I shout: This one's worthy of a post! Don't ever try it!

I have two housemates, both nice and smart. They know that the best way to keep the peace at home comes down to a three-word motto: FEED ROBYN CHOCOLATE. So I enjoy little chocolate mints left atop my stack of mail, leftover cookies from their work potlucks, and the like.

When Steven came to me and said, "Hey Robyn, you're welcome to try this Double Chocolate Stout," he held up this bottle.

"Thanks, Stephen. I'll review it for my blog. Is it any good?"

"Well, you can kind of taste the chocolate, I guess," Steven said. Note that Steven is very kind and rarely critical.

Still, with excitement, I uncapped the bottle. The color immediately repelled me. See above. The taste? Even worse. Where's the chocolate? I wondered. It's hardly choco-fied, much less double choco-fied. It just tastes highly stout-ified, bitter, strong, and disturbingly gross.

If anyone offers you this *bleep*, pass. If the Beer for the Shower guys, Bryan and Brandon, send you this for their very cool and fun contest win, they probably don't like you. And they are awesome, and you should follow them and read their books if you're not doing so already. And really, I'm only telling you all this because they and I have amazing followers who deserve to be warned. Don't try this crap at home or elsewhere, folks!

With a kind heart, I give Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout an unsolicited 1 on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst.

~~~

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program: Me and My Merchant Marine, when Troy uncovers grandma panties under the covers and a puzzled Robyn asks calmly, "Who's are those?"

Happy weekend!