Dear Sillies,
I hope your new year's been off to a great start. If not, there's plenty of time for things to turn around. And they will. Just keep taking good care of you.
Things are fine here, and we're about to take you back to my romantic (?) story, written several months after-the-fact.
To re-cap, Dude Three and I hit a snag through written messages. Here we are, in an attempt to talk things through:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Nervously, Three sat next to me on my sofa. "Look," he fingered my shirt buttons, "I'm the first person to admit when I did something wrong at work."
"That's differ--"
"It's differ--"
We finished the word simultaneously: "-ent."
"You're nervous," I grinned and put my hand on his thigh.
"No, I'm just saying that, okay, I went back and read our messages. I sounded like a dick."
Wow. A man who admits to his dick sounds. I like - no, I love - that. It's like a seventh inning grand slam to clench the world championship title (in baseball, I think). He deserved big rewards.
"Thank you for saying that. I've already told you, I'm not going to fight with you. I just don't want to be told what we're going to do, without giv--"
Dude Three interrupted again, "Then why didn't you--"
I extended my arm to cover his mouth, giggling. "Your statement left no room for discussion. So I said 'k,' honey." I freed him to talk.
He chuckled. "All I wanted to ask is 'Why didn't you ask me why I said no hiking?"
"Because babe, 'why' is a judgemental question. As a counselor, I was trained to not use that word."
Alas, Dude Three began to listen attentively. I got more personal regarding my anxiety in intimate relationships, my abandonment issues and past traumas. He claimed to understand.
Eventually, we found ourselves in a seductive position.
I suggested that make-up sex was in order. Dude Three wouldn't argue with me...not yet anyway.
It was the best (and only) make-up sex I've ever had. That's because it wasn't really a fight. After a fight, the guy better stay a few time zones away from me, if he values his life. Unless he's ready to say things like "I'm sorry for sounding like a dick," that is.
Yes, this is yet another "to be continued" post, but I'd love your input on make-up sex. Does it work for you (alone or with a partner - no judgements here)?
Off topic (a bit) here. I read something last night that made me literally laugh out loud. The Dick Van Dyke Show would never make it to our television screens these days. No executive would take the risk of putting Dick and Dyke in the same sentence...
ReplyDeleteHaha! That's awesome. Yeah, it wouldn't fly (no pun intended) nowadays.
DeleteThank you, EC.
Oh yeah, makeup sex is great! But the fight has to be truly over, processed and resolved before indulging in it.
ReplyDeleteThat makes sense, Debra. It can't substitute for discourse - as much as dudes (or duds) want it to.
DeleteGlad you two made up... Er, maybe you and Three made up. Good lord, that makes four. Robyn, I never get your limits and you delight me at the end of what has been a very hard day. Thank you, and stay magical.
ReplyDeleteI don't get my limits either, Geo. You're not alone.
DeleteYou delight me whenever I see you here (or there, at your home in cyberspace).
Much gratitude.
ARIGATOU(Thank you so much!!)
ReplyDeleteI hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday and a prosperous new year!
On Japanese New Year ‘s customs;
Adults put money in a special envelope and give it to children.
This is called “otoshidama” and many children look forward to it very much!
Ryoma.
I love learning about these other traditions.
DeleteArigatou, Ryoma.
"claim" being the key word at the end there, I see him having to move far far away lol
ReplyDeleteUsually great indeed, depending on the fight. If it is something stupid or very bad, then see ya later. No time for that crap.
You always make good points, Pat.
DeleteAnd yeah, no time for that crap.
I need to act like a dick more often. Having something to apologize for sounds like a great way to get some loving if I was single. Of course being married means it's out of the question. Sigh. Lucky Three! For the moment anyway.
ReplyDeleteIt's always smart for a man to say "Sorry honey. I acted like a dick" even when he doesn't have a clue what he's apologizing for, Jono.
DeleteSometimes the only way to settle an argument is with makeup sex. So, a guy admitting he did something wrong is to you a game-winning grand slam? That's a low bar. I mean, I apologize so often that I consider it a hobby at this point.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I never met anyone who (like me) - especially not a male - apologizes out of habit. Don't be sorry for apologizing all the time, PVP. You likely have lots of good makeup sex.
DeleteMakeup sex is great, but the fight has to start early - like early in the day - and resolved early - like by dinner.
ReplyDeleteRight. You can't simply let it go. Caring people don't work that way - it takes hours or longer.
DeleteThanks for chiming in.
Make up sex is hot! I am one who says never go to bed angry so resolve the issue and hit the sheets!. I will also state that the man has to work for this make up sex, a bit of groveling is always a good thing:)
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, a woman shouldn't give away makeup sex so easily...um, oops.
DeleteSo far so good! I'm curious as to what is coming up. You're starting the year with suspense!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Martha. Suspense is better than boredom, I think.
DeleteSmiles.
Makeup sex doesn't exist in my mind. The problem has to be solved first outside of sex. The sex itself doesn't fix anything. Looking forward to the next installment!
ReplyDeleteI agree, Connie. It adds excitement to call it "makeup sex," I suppose.
DeleteI have a hard time letting things go after a fight and that's definitely not the time I am inclined to have sex. I feel way too bad about myself.
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel way too bad about the dude. Don't be so hard on yourself, JoJo. Be hard on your hubs. Smiles.
DeleteI totally agree with Connie, above. about makeup sex.
ReplyDeleteOff topic. Why is "why" considered judgmental? It can be an honest request for information. As a scientist, I ask why all the time in order learn and understand how things work. During a rough patch, my husband and I sought counseling and during a session I was chastised for asking why. By mutual agreement, we changed counselors because of that. I think "why" shows interest and openness for appreciating a different perspective. It invites discussion. Now, whining "why?" is a different matter. My 2 cents.
Excellent point, Wilma. Thank you for asking and saying that. Yeah, let me clarify. "Why" is highly relevant when it is. You couldn't and wouldn't do your job if we didn't ask "why?" That counselor shouldn't have chastised you for exploring your husband's views. The problem with "why" is when it is a response to an emotional expression like "I fell guilty," "I'm mad at you" or the like. We're very fragile with emotions and need validation, not to feel a need to defend ourselves. This doesn't even fit my example, though. But Dude Three had already made a unilateral decision for us and he said it was because it was too windy outside. So I knew that "why" would only fuel (more) argument. To say "Why didn't you do..." is to say you did the wrong thing. Does that make sense? Anyway, it's not as clear as that. I was just taught to exercise caution with the word. Thanks for your input.
DeleteI agree with Connie above or JoJo. Anyway, no doubt it depends on the situation. So I can't say no, never, or heck yes. Either way, sounds like things are ducky or should I say dicky in your world. Dude 3 is hanging in there and I'm rooting for him. TBC!
ReplyDeleteTBC, Joanne. TBC.
DeleteI hope you're doing well.
Makeup sex is always good. It's like a cleansing. Although I've never had a dick talk to me...
ReplyDeleteI haven't experienced that one either, Diane...not yet. =)
DeleteI've never had make-up sex. If I'm pissed off, then don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking get anywhere near me. I will cut off your dick.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
I'm sayin'. High-fives, sister.
DeleteLove.
Well, that is exciting. I think a man who admits his boo boos is a good sign, right? Unless of course he's just doing so to get to a girl's pants.
ReplyDeleteHey, Happy New Year! May you have more hotter moments this 2018.
Thank you, Lux.
DeleteYeah, it seems like a big deal worth rewarding, right? I'm so naive. Smiles.
Hot moments to you too - in any form.
The worst sex I ever had was wonderful, so I may not be the best judge.
ReplyDeleteYou lucky dog.
DeleteI can't decide what my worst sex was - most of it falls under the "worst" category. But it's like wine, right? It gets better with age.
Awkward exchange. At least he admits he was being a dick.
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok to express your emotions in a relationship. It's not the same as a counselling session. If you're not happy about something, then tactfully, respectfully, talk it through. It seems as though the not talking about 'it', made it worse. Outsider's view of course, but you've gotta have the honesty there.
Make up sex is great, but if the underlying issues aren't sorted, they will rise again lol... pun kinda deliberate..
Crossing fingers for you two!~