Dude Three, The Break-up but Not the End of the Tale

Hi, Dear Sillies,
I hope life is treating you well and that you're treating yourself even better.
When last we read, Dude Three showed an angry, unattractive side.
Here we are talking, trying to smooth things out.
Note that I wrote this a few months in retrospect.

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Dude Three: I need you to respect my wishes when I say I don’t want to talk about something. Look, I’ve been respecting you all along, and the one time I ask for privacy, here we are. You turned this into a whole big production, and now you’re the victim somehow. It’s simple, just give me my space when I ask for it, but you made this into something so much bigger. When I bring something up, I just want you to listen. And I'll do that when I'm ready. You understand what I’m saying?

I shifted my head from my right to my left. We need to get through the hard times together, or this can't work. It's about two of us, not just you.

Dude Three: All I'm saying is you will respect my feelings when I say I don’t want to talk about something.

Whoa. I tried to feed his language back to him so he'd hear how he sounded. You will . . . no, I can’t even talk like that. I can't believe you said that.

Dude: Well you will respect my wishes if this is gonna work. There are a lot of things I'm private about. He unleashed a huff-sigh. This is only going to get worse.

Me: That’s not fair.

Dude: Yeah, it’s not fair to me. He'd been squirrel-y during the discourse, as if about to dart out the door but trying to sit through it. He stood up now. I'm just going to the bathroom.

Seconds later, Dude Three came out of the bathroom. I'm leaving now.

    

Robyn: I'd like a hug before you leave.

Dude Three: No. You’re just going to manipulate me into staying. You’d say 'just stay 15 more minutes,' then more time, and more time.

    
Robyn: I don’t play games like that. I was just asking for a hug.

   
Dude Three: No I’m going. He walked to the door. Come here and give me a kiss.

Knowing it was the end, I walked over and gave him a quick (final) peck when he stood under the door frame.

   The next day, we exchanged a few messages. First, I told him I needed space.
   He said "Okay, I'll leave you alone" and then “Why do I feel like we’re done.” [Yeah, Dude doesn't use proper punctuation.]

   I responded, kindly and (perhaps too) lovingly, that we are done. "I won’t be censored. I won’t be worried about what I say or don’t say from one moment to the next. I’ve been through this before and it ended in divorce and disaster. I need to feel safe expressing myself in a relationship. I woke up at 2:30am the past two mornings, anxious. My body was telling me I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I love you, and this is breaking my heart too."  I went on to say everything I appreciated about him and our time together.    

   The break-up was painful, as breakups are. Every time I go through it, I remember and can't believe how much it hurts. It's like your insides are ruthlessly yanked out of your body, sent through the world's most powerful super sized, razor-sharp bladed saw mill, then tossed out for turkey vultures to gleefully feast upon for dinner, dessert, and an after-dinner snack. 
   Yet I’m glad I did it and did it fairly swiftly.

   A month or so later, I resumed a positive outlook. But things would take an unexpected turn through a twisted set of circumstances.  
   Please stick with me for several more posts. Thanks for your patience and loyalty, my dears. You're the best of blogland's best. I appreciate you!

Reasons for Celibacy, Not Giving A Dam, Free Willy Returns!

Dears,
I hope you're well and in a silly mood.
If not, may this help get you there.
Love you.
Ladies and gentlemen, taken directly from internet dating ads, I now present you with reasons number 6 through 11 as to why it's wise for a straight woman like me to choose celibacy. My comments are boldfaced. Naturally. Enjoy! 

REASON #6:

50-year-old man
Juneau, Alaska, United States
seeking women 40-53
in Idaho, United States

Excuse me, Junea, d'you know you didn't mention relocating, right? D'you know you live in Alaska and indicated that you are exclusively looking for an Idaho woman? Is there something you're not telling us about an Idahoan woman's ability to heat a guy’s  igloo?
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REASON #7:

i am fun loving ,love to laugh and make jokes, honest, loyal, nice , friendly, outgoing, my date should be a nice girl who also has a great sence of humer She really would have to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #8:

These descriptions can be redundent and over-abundant As can you, sir. This wannabe writer Keep wannabe-ing, dude. is somewhat of a dreamer yeah, yeah, I got that much!, once confused by the unrealistic morphed reality of experience. Shocked no more by the power of suggestion, GRACED FREE WILL Why do you guys always bring up this Free Will stuff? You’re really into that movie with a killer whale. Huh? REINS Oh, maybe you’re into deers. FULL CONTROL TO THINK, SAY, DO, AND BE..IS TO FEEL THE TRUE KNOWING OF THE NOW! Wingspan Wait, it’s birds you’re referring to! You can’t fool me. Always here, arriving never is promise found within, showing up once again. the kept hope to parallel life to the end. LIFE UNCERTAIN garanteed by LIFE INEVITABLE No rhyme or reason needed None whatsoever, babe. Not one smidgen of it.
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REASON #9:

Interests:
WRITTING
You writting some bookkies, honey?

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REASON #10:

loking for catslove making money. traveling the world keeping. fit the beaches of the world tanning. Do you tend to see both the world keeping and world tanning on the same trip? i like all sorts of music. want to retire on the a nice beach. enjoy family. am very carrerrminded Does this mean you’re interested in the backsides of cars? abd llove pets Sounds suspiciously like animal cruelty.
I urge all readers to keep their felines away from this loker!
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REASON #11:

This has got to be the most endearing headline out there:
Frankly my dear! I dont give a dam!
It’s a good thing too, sweetie, being as I don’t have room for a dam around here.

Dude Three, The Beginning of the End but Not Really

   Things were blissfully happy with Dude Three but yeah, I’m naïve. Plus I ignore(d) the red flags. And I need to sharpen my radar. Then again, I'm not sure I have one. I should get one, I suppose. 

   Point is, I believed his lies. He’d told me he’d only been with three women. That endeared me.  

   But weeks into our passionate courtship, Three boasted about having recently learned that he’d slept with so-and-so years ago, and she's the daughter of so-and-so. Yeah, he was proud.

   "Wait, you told me you’d only been with three women?"

   “That’s three women since Judy*” he responded. *Judy is his first of two ex-wives. Hm, so, how does marriage negate all of one’s sexual history? Is that new math? Does this mean that people who never marry are virgins, regardless of how many sexual partners they had? Oy. I believed there were only three before me; seems there were approximately 103.  

   Also, when we met, he boasted about his “great kids.” I liked him for that too - a proud dad who did right by his kids, it seemed. In time, though, I realized he’d written his daughter out of his life, and without valid reason. This was bothering me. His rage towards her didn't sit right. I needed to talk to him about it.    

    “Does your daughter get along with your son?” I broached the subject, during dinner on Halloween night.

   “I guess. Why do you ask? I’ve been thinking about her all day. I don’t want to talk about it.” He got tearful, and I took his hand from across the table. “No, don't go there!” I’d never heard him sound so angry or angry at all. “You’re not a parent. You have no right to give me advice! You don’t know—”

   “I’m not trying to give—” I let go of his hand.

   “What, you’re a therapist, so you have to ask questions? You have no idea. She’s dead to me. You have no idea what I went through for her. And I’ve been thinking about her all day. This is going to be my first holiday season without her. It’s tearing me up.”

   I slowly, quietly, took my dishes into the kitchen.

   He followed me. “Where is this coming from? We were having a great time. I brought over movies, we were going to give out candy and have a fun night. Then you made me talk about something I said I don’t want to talk about. You need to respect my wishes.”

   “Okay. I won’t ever bring it up again. I love you.”

   “I love you too, but you kept poking and poking. You made me talk about something I said I don't want to talk about." He reminded me of my ex husband, leaning towards paranoia. I began to see Jekyll’s Hyde or Hyde’s Jekyll and/or someone ugly.

   “You’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you angry like this.”

   “Oh, if you think this is angry, honey, you haven’t seen anything.”

   …Dude Three assured me we’d be okay. He needed time alone, though, so he collected his things and said he was going home.

   "I'm going to kill her," he said, standing under my door frame, "I'm not kidding." He then blew me a kiss and left.

   Whoa. Right? Scary stuff. Sigh. And I'd fallen in love with such a nice man. I thought. Again. A sudden explosion from an angry, troubled man who didn't seem at all angry at any point before this.

To be continued once more, and then more. Because even when our story’s over, it’s not over. You can’t imagine why. I wouldn’t have ever imagined things as they are now…

Post 1000! Chocolate, Hollywood, and Harry Potter

Dear Sillies,
I can honestly say - oh my - this is post # 1000. I cannot honestly say it's my 1000th original post, because a woman's gotta go lazy and do some re-posting. Still, though, it's a pretty big deal. And it's thanks to you that I've stuck around here. Thank you, thank you, one thousand thanks!

In celebration, I found one chocolate item at a local World Market that made me wince. The others were too tempting and common. This one, though, I had to sample: World Market's 54% cacao Licorice & Fennel dark chocolate. Fennel? Who cooks with fennel?
Why, just why? I was scared.

   But it looks like decent chocolate, right? The fancy font on the label reads: "Sweet crystalized fennel flower adds deep notes of licorice to rich dark chocolate."  The verdict?
   I did finish it, but not in one sitting (not a good sign). I don't like black licorice - it didn't have a real strong taste, but it's in there. And fennel? It seems to comprise a combination of wheat germ and sawdust. I don't recommend it. I can't. I like you.
   I'd have to give this one a 3 on a 1-10 scale. There's really no reason for this product. None. Don't do it, people. But considering the ingredients, they did a decent job (thus, the 3). Still, don't do it, people. I like you.

On an entirely different note, I slipped away to Hollywood and So Cal during the holidays. This star on the Walk of Fame made me smile.

Who knew Harry has such a big head?

Alas, be well, my friends.
Thank you for inspiring me to make it to 1000.
You're the best, the funnest, and silliest of sillies.

                                                                Hollywood storefront.

Revival of Reasons for Celibacy! Reasons one through five

Dear Sillies,
   Nearly eight years ago, Life by Chocolate created a flimsy stage and quiet but sassy home here. For most of this time, I was (and perhaps am - to be revealed) celibate. Of all my blog series', this one, Reasons for Celibacy, was far and away the most popular. Your comments have had me in stitches too.
   In recent years, though, some key dating sites --for example, a "fishy" one-- stopped allowing free searches. You have to set up an account. Seems they were onto me. Thus, I ran out of new stuff and stopped posting.
   Yet there's too much good material here, right? Hundreds of reasons for a sweet, smart gal like me to choose celibacy. And very few of you graced our studio in days of ole. Even if you remember some of these, I'm hopeful their value hasn't diminished in time. Please, my friends, enjoy this long overdue Revival of my Reasons for Celibacy.
   Note: These are actual on-line dating ads or scraps thereof, combined with my actual snark (bold italics).

REASON #1: Note the specific categories to which this guy responded, because he clearly did not.

MY ETHNICITY: I feel like u should treat somebody with respect and like they are a person not a peice of meat or whatever. I am the type of person who wants somebody to feel wanted not just as a trophy. Sounds like you’re one of those misunderstood mutts who has to check the “Other” box a lot. I know your pain.
MY RELIGION: I am a very affectionate person and I love to cuddle, I like to show somebody how I feel not just telling them Are you trying to say that you're a Mormon?

MY PETS: I consider myself to be very simple. I see this. I believe that women needs to be treated with respect and as a equal partner in a relationship, but all I seem to find is the ones that does not know how to respond to that or is untrusting to it. Honey, that's likely because you consider ‘a women a equal’ to your pets. Do you serve them cat food in a bowl, or do they eat it straight from a can?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #2: A man that will stick to the oath of for better for worse and till death do us part i am not saying i am looking for a perfect man but the right man . I don’t know if you skipped Sex Ed. Day in 5th grade, but you do know that you are listed as a man seeking a woman. Right? There's nothing wrong with any of it, except that you clearly copied and pasted a woman's ad without even reading it. The more I communicate with you, the more fascinated I am becoming. I am very definitely interested. We are very definitely at a very early stage of a relationship Whoa dude. Now, you're creeping me out. I didn’t correspond at all. In fact, I’m avoiding any interaction, because you are a lazy weirdo. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #3: I am a firm believer of freewill. Freewill? Isn’t that the movie about a boy who falls in love with a killer whale? Cool, I believe in that stuff too! I must connect with persons who also believe in solid freewill. Oh, “solid freewill.” The whale’s pretty burly. Is that what you mean? I mean freewill Yeah, I got that much; of choice with no regrets, Hmm just understanding about life’s gifts and lessons. Enjoy every moment possible for tomorrow may bring the end of those moments Not good. A sobering thought. which is fine when you appreciate the time spent with another. The future will always come to give us a hopeful interest and enlighten our lives. How does that work, if tomorrow may be the end? This is why I respect others and pay attention to each person’s character, which I may fully connect with the ones they and I choose to connect with in a mind, physical and emotion relationship. This freewill stuff doesn't work for me. I think the Director had a different tone in mind. Excuse me while I ride my solid freewill outta here in search of Moby Dick or something that pleasures me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #4: I have a mother so, you don’t try to do my chores and I will make the effort to view your comments about your life as an expression, as such I will try not to see them as problems to fix. Deal?! Who could refuse such a warmhearted deal? Tell you what, sweetie, what you and mommy do together isn't my business. Deal!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #5: Just to be completely open, anyone who claims to be a Liberal should just pass me by. I'm only interested in women who can actually think for themselves, so therefore they cannot be a Liberal. Just to be completely open, my brain cells are simmering right now. I think I'm having a thought. Wait! Here it is: You are single for good, good reason, sir. I thought up that one all by myself.