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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Choose Your Own Apocalypse Blogfest!

Choose Your Own Apocalypse

Chuck at Apocalypse Now and Shannon at The Warrior Muse are hosting today's Choose Your Own Apocalypse Blogfest. We're describing how the Apocalypse will (or, by the time you read, or are unable to read, this) has happened. Plus, we're sharing how we've prepared for our own survival.  

My entry takes the form of a song.

Apocalypse by Stupidity
Sung to the tune of the Gilligan’s Island Theme Song

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful day:
The Mayans launched a calendar
They used a slab of clay.
They used a slab of clay.

When they reached the date we’re at today
It began to rain and pour.
The slab flew out of Mayan hands
And stopped on Jersey Shore
And stopped on Jersey Shore.

The cast and crew tripped over it.
Their tiny brains confused.
"The whirlold stops now," they said.
O.M.G. What the f*k do we do?"
O.M.G. What the f*k do we do?

“I know, I know!” Snooki yelled
While chugging kegs of booze.
“Tell everywon life ends today.
Start with Big Bird and Fox News!”
Start with Big Bird and Fox News!

The rumor spread and then they said
“Need plans or else we’re sunk.”
So they leaned against the bar and then they
thunk and thunk and thunk.
So they leaned against the bar and then they
thunk and thunk and thunk.

One braincell in-between them all
Boiled with thoughts that most would shun
Causing Doomsday through what some might call
Spontaneous combustion. Spontaneous combustion.

So, the bad news is stupidity
Ended life. I’m sorry, folks.
The good news: if you’re singing this
The whole thing was a hoax! The whole thing was a hoax!

So come back soon, right here, my friends
We’re sure to get along
'Cuz none of you’s a dumb*ss like the idiots in this song.
Like the idiots in this song.
Not at Li-ife by Chocolate!

Just in case it’s not a hoax, though, while hundreds were scurrying for the last of Hostess Twinkies, I made arrangements with a Hostess Executive (don’t ask me how, it could taint my image) to secure all of the remaining Ding Dongs. I’m secretly storing them at my place. Drop by anytime.

Happy Apocalypse Day and weekend. Thanks for visiting. 
May you have many reasons to be glad the world didn't end today.


  1. High fives! This is brilliant and hilarious. I keep hoping I'll find zombies outside, especially a Snooki zombie so I can shoot an arrow through her empty head. LOL

  2. Well, it's after midnight and I'm still here and you are still amazing us with your humor!

  3. Fantastic! I'll be hearing in this in my head tonight as I try to sleep. I knew Jersey Shore would be the end of the world.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

  4. LMAO yeah the death of Jersey Shore really sold the end of the world. See you tomorrow! And just in case, I bought an extra package of TP haha

  5. Ding Dongs are better anyway!
    We're doomed because of stupidity. That was hilarious, Robyn! And scary how well I remember the theme to Gilligan's Island.

  6. Extremely funny way to end the world. That poor brain cell!

  7. Too funny! Sadly, all the hype among middle school students actually had my 12 year old worried about this. She asked me last night if we were going to wake up today...GUESS WHAT? We did!

  8. LOL, Mellissa. Thank you.

    MsA, I'm glad to still be able to entertain.

    Shannon, thanks for dropping by and co-hosting. Sorry the song is stuck in your head. It's in mine too.

    Pat, it's always good to stock up on TP.

    Alex, it's a catchy theme song that's easily remembered. Thank you.

    Farawayeyes, yeah, that brain cell never stood a chance. =)

    Terra, it is sad that it's trickled down to bright kids. The Mayans didn't actually predict the end of the world either. They merely predicted the end of an era.

    Stay safe & alive, all.

  9. LOL - that was so funny! It's a wonder Snookie still remembers how to breathe.

  10. “When the Mayan Calendar runs out there will be another day. Just like there was with Y2K.” (Stanley Victor Paskavich)

    Precious Monsters

  11. haha! thanks for the laughs. i did need that today.

    you never fail to amaze me, my friend!


  12. LOL! That was too perfect. Mix to disasters together? Classic! :)

  13. You totally win my heart... that was freakin' fantastic.

    Did we make it?
    My link is dead, I ask again did we make it?
    [Visit my post for that to make sense]

    Great end of the world post!!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    Oh No, Let's Go... Crazy

  14. I'm familiar with the theme song although not the show itself, this post really made me laugh Robyn, great post as usual, I'm glad the world didn't end though haha.

  15. Um, ok! One of the best posts I've read yet. Gotta tweet this and follow you! Excellent!
    A2Z Mommy and What’s In Between

  16. Since the Mayan calendar doesn't deal with or include Leap Year, the Mayan apocalypse happened decades ago. No one even noticed.

  17. So many end of the world posts!!

  18. Robyn, that was wildly creative and hilarious!! I had to read (sing it) twice just for extra fun! Now that the cat is out of the bag on the Ding Dongs expect the surviving cast of Jersey Shore to show up at your show up at your door. See! I can't stop singing it!

    Thanks so much for playing Robyn. That was awesome.

    Have a great holiday season even though technically yours is over huh?


  19. Very clever! Thanks for a great creative approach. Now on to 2013!

    Mary Montague Sikes

  20. This was amazing! Catchy and clever. I loved it!

  21. Hilarious! I was actually singing this.

  22. How original--a song! Love it! And the tone is absolutely perfect, hehe. Will definitely be back for more :)

  23. End of the world and Snooki.
    Now THERE'S some spot-on writing!

  24. Dear everyone,

    I'm tickled this was such a hit.
    It was a lot of fun, Chuck and Shannon.
    We should end the world more often.
    We should end the world more often.
    The damn song doesn't leave.
    The damn song doesn't leave.

    Have a wonderful Christmas, New Year's and all of it.

  25. ;-) Even though I don't know the tune I get the drift of your song!

    (and I'm still chuckling....)

  26. That rocked!!!! Sadly, I fear Snooki not only survived the apocalypse, but may breed again.

  27. Ding dong! The Snooki's dead.
    The wicked stupid Snooki's dead.

    Or something like that. (Of course, if her death is part of the hoax, I'm going to bang down your door and demand you buy my silence with delicious pastries.)

  28. Back to the old grind and waiting for the next apocalypse scare. The Mayan nonsense certainly went viral. I'll bet whoever started it had a good laugh.

    Tossing It Out

  29. That's so brilliant Robyn! Very funny - I loved the Jersey Shore line - and of course, we had Gilligan too so I was singing right along. lol

    Actually the best bit was Fox News - man, that is some bad shit.

    Very clever, my very clever and funny friend.


  30. Sue, it's probably best you don't know it. It would be going through your head well into the new year.

    Keeping it Real, that's keeping it real. I fear you are spot-on.

    Nate, catchy tune. I'm stocking up on Little Debbie's just in case. I decided to eat all the Ding Dongs myself.

    Anthony, that little Fox bit was my favorite jab too. Thanks for picking up on it.

    Be well, everyone.

  31. The bad news is stupidity. That's so very true, isn't it? Old news, but certainly bad, unless you're watching Laurel and Hardy.

  32. This confirms my hypothesis that Snooki gave birth to the devil reincarnated, and if she doesn't eat this child by its 10th birthday, we are all royally screwed.

  33. This will definitely be included in the Best of Life By Chocolate Edition! LOVED this, and you never took the easy way out by saying, " And the rest.."

  34. Wahoo!! I survived!! :) I loved your song, so creative and hilarious.