My Story, Yours Too.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Dreaded Day Draws Near: Heart to Heart to Heart to..etc.

It’s not enough that us singletons survived the winter holidays. We’ve barely had time to catch our breath when we're lambasted by hearts, hearts, and more hearts. They come in all colors, sizes, forms, and substances. Even the visually challenged cannot avoid the abundance of heart shaped containers of chocolates and lesser candies; jelly-belly filled plastic hearts; fake wine bottles filled with candy hearts; hideous looking stuffed dogs and bears holding out bright red furry hearts; enormously obstructive heart-shaped balloons (Ever try to drive with those things in your car?); bright orange heart-shaped cushions; and every garment of clothing imaginable plastered with hearts – bras, briefs, t-shirts, sweat pants, scarves, and ear muffs.

Aah, Valentine’s day. A time to celebrate love and romance. For us singles, opportunity awaits to fantasize about hiding in a cave (together, preferably). Give us some candles and matches, a large blanket or two, and a generous helping of chocolate M&M’s. We’ll be fine. After all, the world’s love-birds have a much greater challenge: find and purchase the perfect chocolate plus another perfect gift; then find and purchase the perfect card, with every syllable appropriately relevant to the nuances of your unique love; have a delectable romantic candlelight dinner, followed by a swift trip home for the most passionate sex you’ve ever engaged in – twice or thrice even. No pressure, no worries. You’ll be cool and suave through it all. It will be an evening your lover with never forget, topped off only by next year’s performance. If there are kids in the picture, good luck getting a quickie in at some point that evening or year. Or decade.

I wasn’t always so embittered. It started in second grade when Danny gave Chrissy the Valentine that said, “Will you be mine?” All I got from Danny was a stupid picture of a red-haired boy holding a baseball. The caption read: “Hey Sport, Happy Valentine’s Day,” He signed his first name on the back. I detected his love in the way Danny curled his "y." But I'm afraid that was it. From then on, I knew this wasn’t going to be my day. I hated sports. Plus, Danny was the boy of my dreams. I got lost in his freckly face, deep blue eyes, and adorable grin. We were going to get married. We’d have kids and a big yellow house with a grassy front yard and climbable apple tree. Being fairly perceptive, even at such a young age, I understood that this lousy Valentine – compared to the one Chrissy got; that b*tch! - was not likely to land Danny and me anywhere near that apple tree.

Still, I’ve braved the day with hopeful anticipation and a fluttering heart year after year. Once I got over Danny twenty years later, I had a crush on Jon. His beaming smile and light mustache, combined with a pleasant disposition, meant Jon was mine in a “4ever, kissing-under-a-tree” kind of way. We’d started the email and phone call thing. Come February, I nervously asked Jon for a date on V-day. Note that Jon and I hadn’t kissed yet, so this Valentine’s date would spark our happy future.

After a nice dinner and chat, we went to his place to watch a Mel Brooks flick per his choice. Hmm, not so romantic, I thought. But he is the one for me, and it’s Valentine’s Day, so I’m easy. I mean, the movie choice is fine with me. Well into the viewing, Jon still hadn’t made a move. I subtly inched closer and closer to him, as we sat side by side on the couch. At some point after the movie ended, Jon finally started kissing me. He really didn’t have a choice then, with no room to breathe. His only means of survival was to share oxygen. My subtleties worked; we made out like bandits for a heavenly 8.5 minutes or so. Suddenly, Jon stopped to feed the dog and send me home.

I suppose I should be grateful that I once sampled the kind of deep, meaningful, passionate intimacy that is celebrated on this dreaded day. I too was in one of those lovey-dovey couples featured on Hallmark cards. People stopped us on the street and said, “You’re so clearly in love. That’s really rare.” Part of the ecstasy is the newness of it all and the syrupy thought: “It’s everything I always dreamed of and more.” We vowed a lifetime to each other, and then it all ended. I’m 4 years older – those being key childbearing years. I’m broke emotionally and financially. The fear of giving my heart and soul again is, well, fearful. The feeling of isolation is, well, isolating. But enough self pity. Sorry. We all know that being broken-hearted is part of the human condition.

It’s like biting into a delectably luscious and beautiful morsel of chocolate – say, a truffle – and realizing, instead, that you are consuming something utterly appalling to the taste, like steamed brussel sprouts without cheese or even a splattering of cheese whiz.

Allow me to conclude by stating that love is worth celebrating – self-love, romantic love, love for children, family, and friends. It is good stuff, really. I mean, you know that. Know that I know that too. It’s just not necessary to shove it in our faces one day a year, thereby overwhelming the loving couples and ostracizing the singletons of the world. Moreover, chocolate must always be seen as a blessing and a gift. So I say to you my dear readers, buy your chocolate now before the prices sky-rocket! Enjoy every morsel of it on Valentine’s Day. Just don’t forget to enjoy all that is sweet all year long.

Chocolate kisses to you!


  1. Maybe Jon wasn't ready for tongue??

    I've had my times of single Valentines Day.

    Me and the wife don't let holidays control us. A relationship should be more secure than for one being in "need" of a gift on a certain day.

  2. sighing-----was just wrapped up in my lonely "great for snuggling" polar fleece-thinking this absolutely sucks! Well I for one am with you on buying the chocolate early thang. I will buy a decadent box of velvety soft darkness and a alcoholically-rich-accompanimentish item and scream "cheers" to "US" for making it on our own through a long month of commercialized love abuse. Let's say 9-ish on the 14th for a blog sista toast!! Hugs and smiles!!!

  3. I can remember how much a loathed Valentine's Day as a single woman. My darling hubs proposed to me oin Valentine's Day four years ago. These days we celebrate the anniversary of that opposed to the whole Valentine's Day concept.We do not exchange gifts, just a card and dinner alone.. nothing fancy just a date for two parents that relish a night out!
    I send chocolate covered hugs your way:)

  4. I find celebrating love as one day's event out of a year is superficial and meaningless. What about the other 364 days? Fighting and hating each other? More chocolates please!

  5. V-day is only good for all of the after Vday chocolate sales ;)

    I think you're right that it does create unrealistic expectations of what the day is supposed to be like. Another blogger had an idea that all of us singles should treat each other for the big day. Like Carrie and Miranda on SATC going out together for Vday!

  6. I'm single but I really don't care about Valentine's Day. Never did (even when I wasn't single). That doesn't mean I'm against Valentine's Day, but why should Valentine's Day be the only day to do something extra special for your SO?

    But I do remember my first Valentine's card. Sigh, so sweet :)

  7. Oh is Valentine's near? Personally, I focus on the fact my nephew's birthday is the day after, and ignore the frilly hearts and delicious chocolate nugget.

  8. That wasn't very nice of Jon to ditch you for his dog. I personally would've NEVER pulled that move!!!

  9. Blase, yes, the tongue-factor was probably what scared Jon. Right, a relationship needs to be more secure, like yours and SB's. You clearly celebrate your love throughout the year. Keep enjoying!

    Seductress, a 9pm toast it is! I love it and the term "commercialized love abuse." That's classic!

    Thanks Lisa Marie. Have a wonderful anniversary celebration with the hubs!

    Sarah, it is really ridiculous, isn't it? Pass the m&ms, please.

    Life & Sarah & anyone else, feel free to join us for a toast. Hope you're good with that and weren't getting hopeful for a more intimate evening, Seductress. ;-)

    DDG, that first card is super sweet. I hope yours didn't involve sports.

    TS, sorry to remind you! Happy birthday to your nephew, but I never advise ignoring chocolate.

    Thanks Copyboy. Yeah, it wasn't much of an ego boost to be ditched for a dog on V-day. Hope they have a sweet Valentine's, but the dog has a long tongue (if I remember correctly). Yuck..sorry..

    Chocolate kisses,

  10. May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation. When the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. And may your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.

  11. That's very sweet, KW. Thank you.
    Happy Valentine's Day.
    Chocolate kisses,

  12. Hey, we love you! When the special guy turns up (as I know he will) you can enjoy chastising him for being a tad late. He better bring chocolate..

  13. Hummm! I was just thinking, maybe St Valentine loved fat women, judging by all the chocolate and candy hearts that are swamping the shops.
    Do they not realise that most women are still fighting off the Christmas Flab...but then, after Valentines Day, we have Chocolate Easter Eggs to avoid!
    Oh well, someone is making money out of our weaknesses!

  14. Ha ha Great post. I love the desciption of the JOn kiss - classic. Besides i think Valentines is over-rated!

    Kate xx

  15. Jon sounds like a prat - did you ever see him again after that? Your posts are always a fab read!

    Kitty x

  16. MMMmmmmm, did I hear somebody say chocolate over here??? After 37 years of marriage I can always count on a card and a big old heart filled with chocolates in which Hubby eats the darks and I eat the milks and we are both as happy as clams on a shell!

    Ya'll enjoy the day from the hills and hollers of the Ozarks!!!

  17. I love being single AND I love this time of year :) I tend to get more dates around Valentines Day for some reason! (scratching head and wondering... WTHeck :) LOVING IT :D

    Plus.. I LOVE Chocolates!

    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤Have a Happy V-Day Robyn ^_^

  18. I'd forgotten all about Valentine's Day!

  19. Yeah, I've never loved Valentine's Day! Especially in high school..yuk. Like almost everyone said before in their comments, I think someone should celebrate the people he loves every day of the year!

    Thanks for making me laugh about the holiday!
    (By the way, is the guy on the right in your picture still available?) ;)

  20. I always celebrate Valentine's Day by putting a brick through the window of the local greetings card shop. That'll show 'em

  21. I love it, Uber. Let's make it a group V-day date. Everyone, BYOB (Bring Your Own Brick)!

    Sarah, I'm guessing he's still available and about 85 now. I suggest you hold out until I find some pre-daters for us..still working that angle here.

    Ca88, sorry to remind you!

    Nezzy, y'all enjoy the milk chocolates. I much prefer those myself. Happy V-day.

    Kitty - I'm embarrassed to say I kept seeing him for a few months of more of the same. Haven't talked to him in years and don't plan to. Prat's a great word. Thanks.

    Kate, thanks. Yes, it's definitely over-rated and over priced.

    Double chocolate kisses to all,