Robyn = black bold / Kris = pink background
Today, my friends, I'm welcoming Kris Jenner, Mom-Manager of the Kardashian clan and ex-wife to the woman formerly known as the man and Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner, now currently known as the woman Caitlyn Jenner. See photo on the left.
Come on out here, Kris! Kris Jenner, dressed in all black, walks onto the stage tearfully and sits on a bar stool. She notices that nobody is in the audience, and there's no bartender to bring her a drink or seven.
Yeah, thanks for coming, Mrs. Jenner. I mean, Bruce Jenner's ex-wife. I couldn't get anyone here. They're all at the stage next-door. Caitlyn's talking about his, I mean her, Vanity Fair photo shoot. So what's the most upsetting part of the whole thing for you, is it--Kris breaks in while Robyn's talking--Well, he, he, didn't tell--Robyn breaks in while Kris is talking--I bet it's that his, I mean her, breasts are perkier than yours, right?
Or is it that you weren't woman enough for him to want to stay a man?
Kris begins to wail.
I'm sorry. This is obviously a very touchy subject for you. Your mascara is running all over the place. Good God, you look terrible! In fact, that botox lip job is horrid. Caitlyn's mouth looks much sexier. Don't you think? Robyn holds up a huge photo of Caitlyn, placing it next to Kris' face, as if to compare. Kris wails louder.
I know. I know. But is this really about the fact that he's, I mean she's, getting more attention than you now?
No, It's not that. It's, I just don't know what to believe anymore about our marriage and --Robyn interrupts-- Look, b*tch! You were never nice to him. I mean, her, but she was a he when you were married to him, so I think it's okay for me to say him, given the timing of the him-to-her-transition. Now you're acting all, "I'm so jilted because my ex-husband turned into a woman!" I mean, yeah, it's a weird concept to swallow. On that note, did you ever...? Never mind. I have a hard - pardon the pun - time with it too. There's something awkard and creepy about this Bruce-to-Caitlyn thing. If it were truly a private decision, why is he insisting on his, I mean why is she insisting on her, TV show and all the hoopla and...Well, hot damn, her breasts look pretty good. Don't you think? Kris is now face down on the floor, tantrumming loudly.
Robyn laughs at her and mocks, Baby talk, baby talk! It's a wonder you can walk! Next, Robyn turns to the camera.
What do you think, folks?
On the first Wednesday of every month for the past 3+ years, I've marked the occasion by interviewing some of the dimmest and most arrogant of celebrities. And since they took the stage at Life by Chocolate, they've gone on to do things like...transition to another gender (e.g., Bruce Jenner), reunite with Dracula's understudy (e.g., Jennifer Aniston), and die (e.g., Joan Rivers). They've also gotten manicures (e.g., Bruce Jenner), worn their hair in pony tails (e.g., Bruce Jenner), and were dumped (e.g., Honey Boo Boo's Mama and Bruce Jenner). Let's take a look:.jpg)
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