Reasons for Celibacy, #308 - 311 / A Beer for the Shower Win Stifles Robyn With Fear and Paranoia

I will be vacationing from the real and virtual world for the next week and am leaving you with a smorgasbord of posts before my departure. Sorry, but the scheduling of posts thingy doesn't work.
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And now, back to more reasons for celibacy:

Reason #308: What happened to the Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of women?

I’m right here, sweetie. Come on over for dinner – white wine and boiled bunny.

Reason #309: IM JUST A LAID BACK GUY LOOKIN FOR A GOOD WOMAN, THAT DOESNT HAVE A TATTOO SLEEVE LIKE 50 CENT OR ENJOY GETTIN INTO BAR FIGHTS WIT MEN ON THA WEEKENDS. LOL BELIEVE ME ITS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS IN 2013.  Yeah, I imagine it’s even tougher this year, honey. Why just last night at the Tackle Box, the 300 pound security guard looked at me sideways. I took that bastard down. It wasn’t pretty for him, but I had a blast. Got some free drinks and loads of dates too. I can’t wait to hit the Crazy Horse this weekend. The only downside is that I’m afraid we’re not a match. Good luck wit your search, sweetie.

Reason #310: are you here

Yes and no. I’m here, not there. Were I there, you’d see me here. Since I’m here, you don’t see me there. Were you to see me there, you wouldn’t be asking. Are you asking? There’s no question mark after here there. So there you have it. Here’s to you!

Reason #311: NOTIFICATION: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, advertising, sales, or any other reason-you DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. Oh, um, oops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~on a different note:

I'm scared! I won a package of awesomeness from Bryan Pedas and Brandon Meyers, my favorite duo, of ABeerfortheShower. If you know them, you understand my fears. I'm gearing up to open the package...it hasn't yet arrived. I thought I should post this now, for the record. You know, to have witnesses and stuff. [Truthfully, I can't wait. They are so awesome.]

Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout: Don't Try This At Home or elsewhere

We interrupt our Merchant Marine story for this commercial break.
ROGUE's DOUBLE Chocolate STOUT beer...

See its darkness. Notice its shiny red bottle and the words "Double" and "Chocolate" in, respectively, white bold caps and pretty curly font. Hear me when I shout: This one's worthy of a post! Don't ever try it!

I have two housemates, both nice and smart. They know that the best way to keep the peace at home comes down to a three-word motto: FEED ROBYN CHOCOLATE. So I enjoy little chocolate mints left atop my stack of mail, leftover cookies from their work potlucks, and the like.

When Steven came to me and said, "Hey Robyn, you're welcome to try this Double Chocolate Stout," he held up this bottle.

"Thanks, Stephen. I'll review it for my blog. Is it any good?"

"Well, you can kind of taste the chocolate, I guess," Steven said. Note that Steven is very kind and rarely critical.

Still, with excitement, I uncapped the bottle. The color immediately repelled me. See above. The taste? Even worse. Where's the chocolate? I wondered. It's hardly choco-fied, much less double choco-fied. It just tastes highly stout-ified, bitter, strong, and disturbingly gross.

If anyone offers you this *bleep*, pass. If the Beer for the Shower guys, Bryan and Brandon, send you this for their very cool and fun contest win, they probably don't like you. And they are awesome, and you should follow them and read their books if you're not doing so already. And really, I'm only telling you all this because they and I have amazing followers who deserve to be warned. Don't try this crap at home or elsewhere, folks!

With a kind heart, I give Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout an unsolicited 1 on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst.

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And now, back to our regularly scheduled program: Me and My Merchant Marine, when Troy uncovers grandma panties under the covers and a puzzled Robyn asks calmly, "Who's are those?"

Happy weekend!