Life by Chocolate's Year in Review, Starring YOU!! Part II.

My following rose to 707 in the spring, but it plummeted to 680 overnight a few weeks ago. At this rate, if Martha Stewart keeps invading my blog, I’ll have 16 followers by 2082. That b*tch! For now, let’s continue to enjoy the silliness that enriched Life by Chocolate in 2015. 

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said My boys like to make reverse prank phone calls when telemarketers call. They answer and say, "Dominoes pizza would you like to try our 2 for 20 deal"? Those pesky folks don't know what to say.

Gorilla Bananas  said There's no need for any writer to feel insecure about a book written by J-Lo. Some books are used as sex toys rather than read. I bet the cover is harder and smoother than Jennifer's butt.

Geo said Dang, saluted St. Pat before rubbing the charm again. Could I just number these instructions?

Empty Nest Insider said Poor Jan Brady. Did she get her braces off yet?

Pickleope Von Pickleope said Poor Stagehand Macaulay Culkin. He can't even make it to stage manager? Who does a guy have to trick with tar and a flamethrower and concussive paint buckets suspended above stairs by a rope in order to move up in the world and get some respect!?!

In July, A Beer for the Shower's beloved Peggy Sue helped spotlight one of my greatest achievements, publishing  my first full-length novel. And she's a good one (both the mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe and Woman on the Verge of Paradise). Peggy and I posed for look-alike photos during a drunken chocofest.

Anthony J. Langford  said 'I absolutely did not have chocolate relations with that woman.' 'The stains prove otherwise Mr President.’

Book Dedication:
To the Readers of my blog, Life by Chocolate,
You have been unfaltering in your loyalty, caring,
encouragement, hilarity, and playfulness.
And so, my dear sillies,
This one's for you.
Lovingly.

                                       The author does not recommend this book for: 1) Children
2) The Narrow-minded or

3) Martha Stewart

She's 4 feet, 8 inches of heartfelt ferocity, and nothing can stop this post-pubescent spitfire from claiming her fairytale--not jarring tragedy, not penile incompetence, not even the explosive demise of a new marriage. Not until Robyn finds her happily ever after...alone.

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I've noticed many authors begging for honest reviews. That's weird. I'm begging for reviews - honest or dishonest, I don't care. So if you haven't already read and reviewed Woman on the Verge, and you'd like to, kindly send me an email. Rawknrobyn@aol.com.  I'll forward the book in paperbook or ebook, in exchange for any 'ole review whenever you're able. Thank you!...Okay, on with the show...

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Giggles continued through to year's end, along with life's challenges. But we always manage to return to laughter at Life by Chocolate.

L. Diane Wolfe Are you reveling in the fact your Almond Joy has nuts? Al Penwasser said The very first thing I noticed was the hotdogs. And I felt so lacking.

Robin said think of it as "tuition." You, my friend, received one more learning experience...and they always cost. The upside: you're smarter. So, that's something. Connie said Acting like a mule's tuchas is definitely a deal breaker. Baby Sister said I've dated myself before, sometimes that's the best you can get! JoJo said It feels so wrong to think of Santa as a sexual being! Pat Hatt lol Santa will sure have a merry christmas. Mrs. Claus may catch fleas though being out with Vixen.

Jono set afire my laptop AND computer screen with this one:
You heat up the coldest winter night
With your chimney smokin' hot.
I'll bet your cookie tastes of chocolate
Now to give you all I've got.

Last but not really, and not least, my favorite comment of 2015 is...  Jeremy Hawkins asked What is going on here...I am feeling a little wrong? It might just be me... 

It's not just you, Jeremy!

Thank you, my sillies. And I'm sorry about all the obscene images. For obvious reasons, I couldn't push her off the stage.

Be safe, warm, and loved as we enter 2016. 
Always keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Cover Story: Final Book Cover Reject Quiz Question

Ladies and Gentlemen, Goats with Special Needs and those who love them,
We now present you with the final Book Cover Photo Reject Question.

But first, remember Robyn's story about a date with well-defined forehead lines? Just checking. Here's the question:

#3 Which one of these is Robyn and which is Peggy Sue?

You have only 10 seconds to respond.

                                Artistic savvy and saliva by the brilliantly creative Bryan Pedas.

Insert "She's a Very Kinky Girl".

Please return on Monday, July 27th, to see the real cover for Woman on the Verge of Paradise, as I launch the baby. That is, as I debut my book and launch dear Peggy Sue back to my friends, Brandon and Bryan. I'll miss her. Thanks, guys, for the loner. She made for a true spitting-image!

Cover Story: Peggy Sue and My Book Cover, II.

Nervous that she'd know think I'm unwell, I spewed my cover concept to the main photographer, "I'll be wearing my elegant wedding dress, but with one obvious chocolate smudge. My book is called Woman on the Verge of Paradise. So, it's like everything's perfect, almost."

"I got it," Michelle said, and I went to change into my dress.

I'd picked up a four-pack of Dollar Store pudding the evening before (and ate two of them. Not bad at all, for a quarter each!), and a chocolate-chip mocha whatever latte tall or espresso grande short frapacinorother medium with whipped cream and a long wait but my name spelled correctly for only $6, a few doors down. Plus a pack of diamond candy rings for fun, and because I never had one before. 

The fun began, with Michelle's encouragement. Gulp. I smudged my dress the first time. [The hardest part was not eating the chocolate.]

It got easier, as I added to the smudge, then added more smudges...Then went outside and I grabbed my drink for more photos...

But the fun didn't really begin until we crossed a busy street - me in my chocolate wedding dress, accompanied now by two photographers and the influence of Bryan and Brandon's (and blogland's) beloved Peggy Sue...please return for part III.

Cover Story: The Making of My Book Cover as Influenced by Peggy Sue, part I.

Months ago, I set-out to create a memorable book cover for Woman on the Verge of Paradise. My strategy included these ingredients:

• some form of chocolate, the darker the better;
• my elegant 8-year old wedding dress, which still fit if I held my breath indefinitely and ignored the fact that the back snap kept popping open;
• a professional photography studio in Sacramento, CA;
• the creative genius of Bryan Pedas, one-half of the creative genius bro-duo at A Beer for the Shower. Oh, and one more thing...
• Peggy Sue. In case you haven't met her, Peggy Sue is Brandon and Bryan's CEO: a mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe. Only in hindsight did I realize Peggy Sue had influenced my book-cover photo-shoot. She and I would be like celibacy lookalikes, like DeVito and Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump and Miley Cyrus, Richard Simmons and a head of broccoli...We're talking kin-dread spirits. And I'll prove it to you in upcoming posts. For now, let's welcome Miss Peggy Sue. Peggy limps onto the stage with a lengthy, slobbery, "BAAAH!"

 

artwork by Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas, who first introduced

Peggy Sue here.

Thank you, B&B, for pushing her out of the helicopter. I don't even think she noticed there was no parachute. I'll kick her back your way after she assists with some demos. Actually, we could use her in CA. Drought and all. We haven't seen this much fluid in a long time. She really is special.

Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen, for a series of cover-reject photos.

Take care of yourselves, and have a laugh-filled week.