My Story, Yours Too.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

A Human Date of Late to Hate

   A few weeks ago, a sudden outpouring of men were in the picture. Herb seemed my best prospect. He thoroughly charmed me. "A pretty person like you often has a beautiful soul." A winning line, right? 
   Even better, we were both pleased upon meeting in-person. Dinner was great. We had friendly discourse about work, his child, my writing. Unlike other dates, Herb picked up the bill without hesitation.
   And then, better still, he invited me to his place. "I'll play music for you," he said. Herb sings and plays guitar. 
   His shiny black guitar across his lap, Herb sang soft familiar tunes. I sat entranced, falling more deeply with each note. After a handful of John Denver, Celine Dione, and others' music, Herb played Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up." 
   All the while, I envisioned Herb and I walking across stormy seas hand in hand. Kinda like a "come to Jesus" moment - only with this little Jewish lady and my Herb.
   The song ended, though, and my date set down his guitar. "I'm done." He dabbed his eyes with the backs of his hands.  "I feel too sad now. That song was for my ex-girlfriend. She died of a drug overdose."
   Well we didn't see that one coming, did we?
   "This" --he pointed at his guitar-- "this is my priority. And I don't want a bad reputation."
   Because anyone who dates me develops a bad reputation? No dude, I raise them up, until it's over, at which point they plummet as low as they could be.

   Needless to say, I put my jacket on and grabbed my purse. Only twenty minutes after Herb began to serenade me, err, his dead ex-girlfriend, the date was over.
   Herb gestured towards his front door.
   "You have a GPS to get home, right?"
   "Yeah, I have a GPS."  But your dead ex-girlfriend could raise me home faster, I assume.

    At my car door, Herb on the opposite side of my car, I said "Thank you."  I didn't know what else to say.
   Of course, now I have all sorts of words for him.


   
  

36 comments:

  1. That kind of ended on a sad and sour note! "You raise me me up. Well, not you exactly." At least it was going well right up to the time when it stopped.

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    1. It did have a great start, and he said the sweetest things before we met. Had to keep shortening the story, but I was really hopeful. Little did I'd know I'd have had better luck with him if I was dead.

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  2. Well, at least you got a free meal, for what that's worth.

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    1. Yeah. I didn't mention this: My round trip drive was 4.5 hours! He was in Sacramento, and traffic was miserable. So it's almost a wash.
      Thanks, Deb.

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  3. Talk about awkward! Dude, you're not ready to date yet.

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    1. Right?!! Thank you, Alex. Yet a mutual friend told him to contact me, because he'd been begging this mutual friend to set him up. Oy.

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  4. wow - there's just always a kick in the teeth punchline. At least it started as pleasant and indeed, you had a meal.
    Oh my.

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    1. It's a real coincidence that you mention a kick in the teeth, Joanne. I've been dealing with a dental crisis, as I post and wrote this. Crisis is now averted, but I do feel kicked in the teeth.
      Thank you, friend.

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  5. WOW!!! Like Debra said, at least there was a pleasant meal included in the drama. Yikes!!! Bad reputations are started for being a weirdo and serenading about dead ex's sir!!

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    1. Exactly, Holli. I'm working this one into my stand-up comedy routine. I'll give him that bad reputation he was so worried about that he kicked me out of his apartment so rudely and abruptly after serenading his dead ex drugged out girlfriend.
      Smiles. Thank you.

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  6. Good grief! This is something out of some comedy...maybe his last girlfriend took the drugs to get away from him...sorrowful Jones.

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    1. Ha. Who knows. As abnormal as I feel much of the time, there is nobody normal enough for me. That's the message I keep revisiting.
      It's all good. No sorrowful Jones's or weird Willies for me.
      Hugs, Birgit.

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  7. lmao you sure can pick them. Maybe you should have set a course in his GPS to go off a bridge. Reunited!

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    1. Ha. Too funny! But I didn't pick him, Pat. A friend told him to connect with me, after I'd told this friend to NOT set us up. But I did fall after that, just not off a bridge. I like your idea. Talk about a dead-end reunion.

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  8. As has often happened, Alex J. Cavanaugh leaves a comment before I do and says what I was planning to say: Herb is definitely not ready to date yet. Too bad Herb himself didn't (or perhaps, still doesn't?) realize that.

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    1. Great minds. He's not ready. But you know, he kept pestering a mutual friend to set us up. WTH? (He asked what his friend said about him, and I told him: "He said you were looking to get set-up." He then said wants to start as friends and kinda weaseled out of it.) Oy.
      Thanks, Silver. =)

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  9. What is with all these sensitive men? Most guys never mention their past girlfriends, let alone sing a song to them while in the the presence of another woman.

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    1. Let alone sing to the dead ones in the presence of another woman.
      Haha.
      Unbelievable, right?

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  10. Oh my. That was a disappointing let down. So sorry it went sour at the end.

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    1. Thanks, Connie. At least I got good story. There's that. There's almost always that.
      Smiles.

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  11. Girl! WTF??? Grrr! I hope he never "raises it up" again! Shame on him. He was right though, you DO have a beautiful soul and you ARE a very pretty woman. Eff him! xoxoxo

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    1. BEST COMMENT EVER! I love it, and I love you, Yvonne.
      Thank you.

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  12. And another thing, I hate that stupid song!

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    1. It's way way too sticky sweet, right?
      I think I'll forever hate it too.

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  13. Good bleepin' GRIEF, what a putz (hopefully, that word was accurate). Initially, I thought, the dude was a mensch (that word is right...right?) for unhesitantly (not a real word, apparently) picking up the check. Then...dead girlfriend? Guitar priority? Bad reputation? Dear me...a face palm moment, for sure.

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    1. You got that right, Al - the putz and mensch and all of it. He plays guitar as part of his comedy routine. Yeah, real funny guy, right? More like a schmuck.
      Haha.
      Thank you, my friend.

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  14. What?? This is something out of a bad soap opera. Sorry you had to deal with that, Robyn. I wish people would deal with their issues to avoid doing shit like this.

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    1. It was a long bewildering drive home, that's for sure. Thanks for your support, Martha.

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  15. At least you got a free meal out of the evening... wonder what's next? An -ex abducted by aliens?

    www.thepulpitandthepen.com

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  16. Wow. Farewell and good riddance. How is it that the sensitive sort can be the most selfish?

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    1. Yeah, I think we - err, those sensitive types - are the most confused. Maybe not, but maybe so. Do you think?
      Thanks, Elizabeth.

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  17. Aint that a kick in the head came to mind reading your story, it's a line out of a Dean Martin song. Lyrics
    How lucky can one guy be?
    I kissed her and she kissed me
    Like the fella once said
    "Ain't that a kick in the head?"
    The room was completely black
    I hugged her and she hugged back
    Like the sailor said, quote
    "Ain't that a hole in the boat?"
    My head keeps spinnin'
    I go to sleep and keep grinnin'
    If this is just the beginnin'
    My life is gonna be bee-yoo-tee-ful
    I've sunshine enough to spread
    It's just like the fella said
    Tell me quick, ain't that a kick in the head?
    Like the fella once said
    "Ain't that a kick in the head?"
    Like the sailor said, quote
    "Ain't that a hole in the boat?"
    My head keeps spinnin'
    I go to sleep and keep grinnin'
    If this is just the beginnin'
    My life is gonna be bee-yoo-tee-ful
    She's tellin' me we'll be wed
    She's picked out a king-size bed
    I couldn't feel any better or I'd be sick
    Tell me quick oh, ain't that a kick?
    Tell me quick ain't that a kick in the head?
    Songwriters: J. Van Heusen / S. Cahn
    Ain't That a Kick in the Head? lyrics © Barton Music Corporation

    It sounded so promising. Geesh, dude if you're not over your x...don't date.

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    1. Hahaha! A hole in the boat! A kick in the head! The one gettin' lovin is the gal who is dead.
      Thank you, Sandy. This made me laugh. It's bee-yoo-tee-ful.
      Hugs and appreciation.

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  18. Obviously, he wasn't ready to move on. Too bad.

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    1. He wants the dead ex back.

      Have a good week, Sherry.
      Thanks for dropping by.

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