Interview With Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser: IWSG

 

Founded by none other than Captain Ninja Alex, the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and/or offer words of encouragement. Join us, if you' haven't already. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.

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Robyn walks onto the stage wearing baggy sweatpants, flip-flops, and a raggedy T-shirt that reads, "I'm not pregnant. I just really love chocolate!" Get pumped, ladies and gentlemen! Exercise diva extraordinaire, best known for her fierce training tactics on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, is here! Let's welcome her! All the men in the audience throw their shirts off and start flexing. The women, enraged, take sledge hammers to their bathroom scales - which they happened to have brought with them - and leave the studio in tears. 

  
Jillian runs out towards Robyn, dressed as so:

google images

Robyn: Thank you f--

Jillian: shouts angrily at Robyn.. Drop and give me 20!

A shaking Robyn drops onto the floor, reaches for her purse, and scrambles to find a 20 dollar bill. She stands up and extends her arm towards Jillian's tight shorts, as if prepping to place the bill in them. Jillian snatches it away and throws it at Robyn. No, you stupid b*tch! Give me 20 push-ups.

Robyn: Oh, no problem. Robyn moves her hand up her shirt, appearing to reach into her bra, and pulls out a Vosges Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar. Here, hold this first. She hands it to Jillian. Jillian takes and then drops the chocolate, disgusted as ever. Twenty minutes and two commercial breaks later, Robyn's done. She's sweating profusely but smiling with pride.

Jillian: You disgust me!

Robyn: Really, cuz I was hoping to - you know - give you a good workout. Robyn winks at Jillian. She eyes Jillian's abs, and then her cleavage. 

Jillian: Get to work!

Robyn: Oh, okay. Well, I asked you here for the IWSG, 'cuz I'm feeling insecure about my lack of energy. I haven't had any since, well, since I was in my twenties. Like decades ago. Robyn chuckles and attempts to stifle her tears. So I'm, I'm just rarely motivated and focused enough to get any solid writing done. But you've cranked out a bunch of books, screamed people into shape for years on end, and you seem to always be energetic. And you're pushing 40, though we wouldn't know it b*tch! Do you have any words of wisdom to share with us?

Jillian: You gotta sweat. You gotta work really, really hard. Do you think I looked this great all my life?

Robyn: Yes.

Jillian: You're right, but that's just me. Everyone else needs to work their ass off! Don't give up. Look at all the losing winners on my show. They had a goal, pushed and pushed, and they achieved it. Pretend I'm shouting in your ear, if you need to. Just keep at it!

Robyn's distracted by Jillian's well-defined calves, and then she sees her chocolate bar behind Jillian's feet. Her eyes widen. Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks. See ya. She directs Jillian towards the exit. Jillian grunts and darts off. Robyn grabs the bacon flavored chocolate bar, rips off the wrapping and starts devouring it. The credits start to roll. 

Monday Montage, Three Quickies

I. Today, the lovely L. Diane at Spunk on a Stick has given me the spotlight. Feel free to visit her, and read what I have to say about self-publishing.

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II. Reminder: We're only one week away from the silliest blogfest in the history of silly blogfests, The Anti-Blogfest Gary Fest!

Thanks to those of you who already signed up! If you don't know Gary, he's a very nice guy, despite the prison-lineup shot above. You can find him at Klahanie. Gary hates blogfests, so this one's in his honor. It's going to be packed with playfulness, and it may even be therapeutic for many. (Gary's not the only blogfest-hater.) So even if you don't know him, I encourage you to join the party.

The rules: Create the titles of three PG-13 blogfests you would never join, and then add a descriptive sentence or two.

Hosted by: Mark “Madman” Koopmans,Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh, "Life is Good" Tina, Morgan "The Morg" Shamy, and me, Rawkn Robyn at Life by Chocolate.

Sign up here!
"http://www.linkytools.com/basic_linky_include.aspx?id=203639"
  Ssh, Gary's coming. Pretend I had nothing to do with this. Thanks. Wink.

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III. A Brilliant Kid Story

I admit, Reality TV has merit. At least it did once. At work, I sometimes get have to watch TV with my clients. They were watching a reality show called House of Joy. On it, the woman (whose name I assume is Joy) was teaching her daughter to sing "Jesus Loves Me" as a surprise for the girl's brother's birthday party. The little girl was adorably bubbly and sang beautifully, while Joy played the piano. Though Joy didn't seem impressed, she told her daughter she'd practiced enough. Then the girl wanted to change things up.

"How 'bout we change the words," she said to her mom. "How 'bout  'Jesus loves...chocolate?'" She beamed with pride at this suggestion. I wanted to swoop her up through the TV screen, hug, and then adopt her. Joy, however, was worried that her brilliant daughter was going to ruin her son's party. Lighten up, lady! It's just chocolate!

On that note, may Monday offer sweetness.

Again, I'm guesting over here if you'd like to visit. Thank you!

Sundays in My City of Chico

Hello! Welcome to Chico, CA for another edition of Sundays in My City. UnknownMami hosts this wonderful tour of bloggers' hometowns. Visit her site to visit the world.

When I asked the store's young employee why town mascot, Du Pont, is sporting zebra garb, she said, "because it's cool." Can't argue with that. She added, "It's his favorite color." Can argue with that, but I didn't, because it's cool.

Remember the pumpkin from last Halloween that looked like this in June?

It looked like this last week and has finally been laid to rest in a nearby trash bin. 

Can you name this bird? Over a dozen were hovering on branches of trees along Honey Run Road, where Chico borders Paradise.

Wait, I can't let you leave without showing you something pretty.

If you're a facebook friend, you've seen this photo. I probably also posted these roses here before. They just do so well to compensate for less pleasant sights.

Have a peaceful Sunday and new week!