Cheersfest: Toasting to and Roasting of the Bird

The blog community loves Mr. Arlee "Lee" Bird! So this roast is for him.

"The original brains behind the annual A to Z Challenge, Lee can be counted on to pay it forward and is a well-respected member of the blogging community."

Hosted by Mark Koopmans, Morgan Shamy, David Powers King, Stephen Tremp and The Ninja Captain himself, CheersFest 2.0 goes LIVE! Dec. 9, 2013.

 Four questions about Arlee Bird:
1) Why did Lee come up with the A-Z Challenge? Lee is old. He forgets the alphabet. Creating The Challenge was cheaper than Hooked on  Phonics.
 2) If someone dreams about being a juggler, what does it mean? They like big jugs?
 3) Is a post by Mr. Bird worth two in the bush? Depends which bush. Bush Sr? Yes. George Dubya? No. Not without tossing in Hooked on Phonics.
 4) Who could play Lee in a documentary? (Living or dead.) George Burns. Living or dead, they're both old.

In +/- 100 words, (excluding the title) write flash fiction using all these prompts:
· Bird,· Juggler,· Challenge, · Brown Jacket, · Tossing

I don't know what flash fiction is, so I wrote a limerick.

 Lee Bird was a Juggler by trade.
  As a bachelor, the dude had it made.
   Brown Jacketed babes watched, gawked, and then stayed.
    Tossing fire -- a challenge ne'er delayed.  
      In the end, Lee always got....paid.

For Bonus Points:
· In +/- 40 words, can you come up with a caption for Lee’s Facebook picture?

         "Pick me, ladies! Mine's multi-colored, and I can keep it up for hours!"

Dream Destination Bloghop

 

Lexa and Julie are two of blogland's most supportive, fun and talented ladies. And both are celebrating book releases with this Dream Destination blog-hop.  Big-time congratulations to LEXA CAIN, on publishing Soul Cutter, and to JULIE FLANDERS, on launching The Ghosts of Aquinnah. Much success to both of you! Julie and Lexa are giving away some awesome prizes. Enter the Rafflecopter Giveaway, linked to their names above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And now, my dream destination...

I'd take a short, smooth flight in first-class to Fantasy Island. There, I'd be welcomed by Mr. Roarke - played by blogland's Mark Koopmans - and Tatoo - played by Jason Alexander (aka George Kastanza). You, my blog-friends, would then join me in a party. We'd meet and hug, eat, drink and schmooze. Then, say five minutes later, you'd disappear so that I could...

bask gloriously in the waters of a white sandy beach that borders majestic waterfalls; indulge in all-I-can-eat chocolate; and dance for hours with a man with a nice...personality.

In the evenings, nights, early mornings, late-mornings and mid-afternoons, I'd savor the surroundings (i.e., men with nice...personalities).  I'd return home after several unforgettably blissful weeks - with energy, spunk and a man with a nice...personality. 

Ahh, it's good to have a dream. 

Thank you, Lexa and Julie.

Happy book launching!

Richard Simmons visits Life by Chocolate: IWSG

Happy December! It's that time again, time to reveal our writerly insecurities and encourage each other to keep at it. Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh, we can glean high volumes of sage advice from our peers. As you know by now, I just spew weirdness. But it's always fun. So jump aboard the IWSG train, if you haven't already. All you need is an insecurity or 200.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn:  I'm facing your generic writing angst these days: What am I doing? I suck at this and yada yada blah blah blah, whine, whine, wine! Thus I knew I needed a guest who's motivational. Since it's December, I also wanted someone warmhearted. Flamboyancy and eccentricity are pluses. Santa didn't return my calls, so I found someone else. He took a break from AlPenwasser's hysterical blog to visit Life by Chocolate.
      As a kid, today's guest was beaten (with a baseball bat) by a peer because he was obese. Thirty years later they ran into, and recognized, each other. The former bully asked his former victim for help; his wife had become morbidly obese. Today's guest sent the man workout videos. Talk about love and  forgiveness! He oozes it. It's Richard Simmons, folks!

 

Nobody cheers. Stagehand, Macauley Culkin (he needed the work - holiday season, wife and coke habits), cranks up the applause meter. The one audience member, Miley Cyrus, sticks out her tongue, while humping a blow-up doll of herself.  Eww! So sorry. She must've thought we were featuring Gene Simmons. Macauley, don't give that troubled girl any camera time. He nods and shifts the camera back towards the stage.

Robyn:  Now, come on out here, Richard Simmons! Richard runs onto the stage wearing a red tank top, and blue and silver striped Dolphin shorts. He jogs in figure eights, flailing his arms with wild abandon. Richard then runs up to Robyn and kisses her on the right cheek, then on the left, then the right again. 

Richard: Let's go!! Richard starts doing jumping jacks. One, two, three! Move it! Own it! Tone it!

Robyn: Really? Cuz I was just gonna talk. I ran a 5K last week. That's enough for the year, right?
Richard pauses and races over to Robyn. With his hands cupped over his mouth, he shouts in her ear: No excuses! Excuses make for fat cabooses! Move it!

Robyn: Okay. Robyn does a few jumping jacks.

Richard puts his hands on his hips and thrusts his pelvis back and forth. Come on, girlfriend. Up and back! Work it and twerk it, baby!

Robyn thrusts her pelvis forward and back, awkwardly at first. After a few reps, she grins blissfully. I haven't done this in a while. It feels good.

Richard: That's what I'm saying! Love yourself! Work it! Now down, and up. He does squats.Robyn slowing mimics him. So --huff--- Richard ---puff--- you've written lots of books, and did a bunch of videos and you're like 65 now. You're amazing.
 Richard: Now, lunge. Lunge. Get down, baby! YEAH! Keep working it. Robyn, sweating, does half-lunges, while attempting to continue the interview. How do you keep up--exhale--at such a pace?
 Richard: It's like this. He darts towards the camera, and places his hands on his heart. Number one, love yourself! Number two, get off those buns! Number three, love yourself! He blows a kiss and screeches his way off the stage, shouting ecstatically.

The camera zooms in on Robyn. Minus the buns part - we gotta sit a lot to write a lot - it really does come down to that. As corny as it sounds, self love and acceptance is where it's at. So keep going. Make mistakes and flounder, even when you think you suck. Because you don't. Love takes us to places we never thought we'd discover. Stay clean and  humble, though. Miley unleashes a beastly sigh. Robyn and Macauley look towards the audience, but Miley and her blow-up doll have sunk beneath the first row of chairs. Here, look at my stagehand. As a distraction, Robyn flashes pictures of Macauley Culkin, then and now:

the young star of Home Alone            Now, age 33, Robyn's stagehand

 If you don't know who Richard Simmons is, watch this. You'll be ecstatic that you did.

Turkeys and Miracles: Sundays in My City

UnknownMami hosts this Sunday extravaganza. Visit her site here to visit the world. Thanks for stopping by. Welcome to Chico, CA, home of spunky turkeys.

 "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?"

 

This sweet mother-daughter turkey duo stopped applying feathers to pose for a photo.   Daughter told me it was her first 5K Run for Food. I shared that it was mine too...We waved at each other when she took a break after the first mile.

On Thanksgiving morn, over 5,000 people ran/walked to raise money for the Jesus Center, a community stronghold for over 30 years. 

With every stride, my thighs felt like bricks, pangs of soreness shot up and down my calves, and my knees screamed for mercy. As I rounded the 4K mark, a man behind me told his child,  "We're going to lift you across the finish line." I turned to see a young girl running between her parents, with all her might. I thought to ask if they'd kindly lift me too. But then he told his daughter that there'd be food at the finish line. I looked at him, shouted "Thank you!" and left that family for dust as I soared across the finish-line.

Given there was a time earlier this year, after major surgery, when the best I could do was walk to the corner and back, it's a small miracle that I was able to run a 5K. Moreover, I'm thankful to be in such a caring community that puts forth this effort on Thanksgiving. All told, money was raised to provide over 110, 000 meals to those in need. 

Last night, friends joined me in a wonderful celebration of Thanksgivukkah, Hanukah's fourth night. We're grateful for light and all that it symbolizes.

Celebrate your blessings this holiday season.

Have a safe, peaceful, hopeful Sunday and new week.

The Actual, Original Song of Thanksgivukkah!

Never again in this lifetime will we be able to celebrate the convergence of Thanksgiving and Hanukah. So, in honor of Thanksgivukkah, there are many songs zipping through the Internet. I haven't found one that tells the true story of how Thanksgivukkah came to be, nor have I found one that's sung to the tune of  the Gilligan's Island's theme song. Thus, I created this.I hope it's informative. Enjoy. (?)
___________________________________________________

Get fit, not crack, and I’ll spin a tale that’s as wacky as they get. It started when Christopher’s Mother asked, “Why aren’t you married yet?”          Maccabee Chorus: Why aren’t you married yet?

I’m not sure why. I’m nice and all, but I can’t attract a babe.

I’ve tried Jdate and Plenty ’o Fish. Had no luck; I can’t get laid.

Maccabee Chorus: Poor lass, he can’t get laid.

Hush, my son! Don’t speak such things! A Bubbeh[1] I must be. 
So find a gal and marry her. Then next, go spread your seed.

Maccabee Chorus: Then next, go spread your seed.

I searched through Spain and the Promised Land, but nothing seems to work. 
I don’t like bars or techno-raves. 
Mom, I can’t even twerk.

Maccabee Chorus: Poor lass can’t even twerk!

Then build a ship and search the world. Not a corner shall you miss. You’re 45 years old, my son. 
Now come give your Mama a kiss.

Maccabee Chorus: Boy, go give your Mama a kiss.

Columstein sailed with the Pilgrambergs, and dreidle they did play. Within 8 days, they hit Plymouth Rock. 'Twas a miracle! Oy vey![2]

Maccabee Chorus: 'Twas a miracle! Oy vey!

They ate and ate and ate some more. Turkey latkes[3] were first rate. Then Chris winked at Pocahantusky and asked her for a date.

Maccabee Chorus: He asked her for a date.

He IM’d Mama, who said, “Mazel Tov![4]”. You can guess what happened next. 
Columstein and Pocahantusky were sharing risqué texts.

Maccabee Chorus: They were sharing risqué texts.

So we celebrate all miracles, and give thanks for all we’ve got.

Were it not for bold and brave rebels, We’d be one sorry lot.

Maccabee Chorus: We’d be one sorry lot.
 
Now go enjoy Thanksgivukkah. And do your very best 
to make the most of what you need, 
and share all of the rest.

Maccabee Chorus: And share all of the rest.

Happy Thanksgivukkah...There, where-ever you’re smilin’!

---

[1] Jewish grandma. We all love them. We all need them. I miss my two Bubbehs.

[2] Nothing says “oy vey” like “oy vey.”

[3] Potato pancakes. Traditional Hanukkah food.

[4] Congratulations and good fortune.

I forgot a couple footnotes, and I don't know how to slip them in without messing this all up - as if it's not already messed up (in more ways than one). Truthful info:
The Maccabees were a small band of Jews that fought and won a battle against the Egyptians/Syrians for religious freedom. Dreidles are the spinning tops we play with on Hanukah. Hanukkah begins on Wednesday night.
On both holidays, we celebrate miracles; religious freedom, and all the freedoms and blessings we take for granted in our privileged segment of the world. It's sentiment we can all embrace, so Happy Thanksgivukkah to you!