Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Chef Gordon Ramsay, The Ruthless Critic: IWSG

Image result for photos of gordon ramsay google images

Hi, dear friends.
   We're back with another edition of the IWSG/Insecure Writer's Support Group, founded by our beloved Alex J. Cavanaugh.

   We all know the harsh critic, right? This person suggests major overhaul and offers no positive feedback. They might even go so far as to rip you to shreds in hopes of sabotaging your efforts.
   Well, when you're slammed by knife-piercing, soul-crushing critique, accept the criticism for what it is: garbage. Then pick yourself up and turn to nicer, more grounded people for input. Ruthless critics reveal only one thing: they have issues. Don't let them win.
Chef Ramsay's dialogue in red / Robyn in black / Stagehand Macaulay Culkin in blue

I'll now role-model how to interact with a raging critic, Ladies and Gents. For this purpose, I've invited one of the most ruthless of them all, Chef Gordon Ramsay. Yo dude, come on out her, Gore Dung!

Chef Gordon Ramsay walks onto the stage, a raging lunatic. What the f*k is this place? It's rubbish, pure rubbish! And what's all that sh*t all over you, you little f*n midget?
Laughing, Robyn responds: It's Dollar Store chocolate pudding, Gore Dung. What's that? Robyn leans to the side and points towards his rear. What's what?!  The thing that's been up your *ss for years? Oh, I don't have time for this nonsense. You're pathetic! You hear me! Pathetic!

Robyn nods at stagehand Macaulay Culkin, who pokes his head out from behind the stage curtains.  Naked French Dancers! Macaulay squeals in a playful, high-pitched voice. Naked French Dancers! Where? Chef Ramsay dashes towards the curtains, unknowingly stepping onto a huge fishnet made of miscellaneous drug paraphernalia. Macaulay yanks a long rope attached to the net. Ramsay is snatched up by the net, which soars towards the stage ceiling.

You f*n little runts! I'll f*n sue your f*n *sses! Get me the f*k out of here!
 Robyn gives Macaulay a high-five and a Dollar Store chocolate pudding for his efforts.
All in a day's work, she tells him. Best work you've done - the only work you've done - since Home Alone, dude. Nice.


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Hot Chocolate: Tabasco Chocolate

Some people can't get enough Tabasco sauce. I'm not some people. Are you? Ever tried Tabasco with chocolate?

I'm pictured preparing to bite into a McIlhenny Company Tabasco Chocolate. Were there a second picture, I'd still be smiling. The chocolate tasted yummy - a bit creamy, a bit dark and high quality, and no hint of spice.

Were there a third picture, though, you'd see flames racing from my nostrils, mouth, eyeballs, eardrums, and - well - I'll stop there. That is, after I enjoyed the chocolate, I felt the need to drink from a fire hydrant. But I'm a wimp with hot stuff like this.  It might be too mild for you.

There's no false advertising on McIlhenny's part. Their Tabasco Chocolate includes a detectable portion of Tabasco. And chocolate. I didn't taste either together, but I certainly tasted each one.

I give this hot chocolate a 7. It's good, not great. There's no mixture of the two. You could simply buy chocolate and pour tabasco on it, if you want the sensation. Then again, for a nice gal like me, it was the most excitement my mouth has had in a while. That's why I gave it a 7, rather than a 6 or 6.5.

Cheers, all.
Have a sweet and/or spicy new week, as August rolls into September.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Cuteness Dose: Tiny Whineys

Me, first birthday, 1967 (I wish I still had that Fisher Price TV.)

It's nice to have kids in my life again on a regular basis. I'm laughing more. Here's a dose of cuteness. Names have been changed to protect the young comics.
A parent told me about taking his son, Willy, to the dentist. Willy is highly afraid of being sedated. Willy sat in the dental chair and immediately asked the female hygienist: "Are you going to seduce me?"
As I was driving Tim to a park, he said, "Robyn, I have a belt."
"That's good, Tim," I affirmed. "It will keep your pants up."
"Yeah, and I don't want anyone to see my tiny whineys."

At the park, watching kids play, a little girl came up to me and said, "They are having very fun!"
"They sure are having very fun," I told her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Have some very fun this week, and don't expose your tiny whineys!
Take care and keep a smile.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Reasons for Celibacy #351-359, The Smartas and the Assman

It's time again to check the unfiltered, germ-infested waters of the dating pool and thereby affirm my reasons for celibacy. Here are said reasons, #s 351 through 359. Please enjoy. Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.
REASON #351: what does a guy got to do to get a gril  
Depends what kind of gril you want, babe. If you’re looking for the kind with a motorized rotisserie, for thoroughly heating meaty breasts and thighs, try Home Depot. But if you want a standard cheap and easy, warm-‘er-up-and-plop-it-into-a-bun model, Walmart’s a sure thing.

REASON #352: Do you think my tractors sexy
Judging from the fact that I can’t see it at all, and I don’t have a microscope handy, I’m going to go with a solid “no.”

REASON #353: Im a smartas...
Smart as what, buddy?

REASON #354: Hi their

REASON #355: If you are out there? I am here…
Sorry, honey. I am here, and you're way out there.

REASON #356: Let there be cake!!!!!!
Now we’re talking!

REASON #357: headlines dont work.????
Such clever ones too.???? 

Alas, a man with a good sense of humor:
REASON #358: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! 
Note: He appears easy on the eyes, and he’s younger than me (that would be a refreshing change), but he wants kids AND nothing serious. Talk about an (oxy) moron.  

REASON #359: Don't half ass two things...whole ass one thing    
Write more later
I think you just half assed one thing, assman.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Naughty Teacher! Back to School Erotica

Dear Sillies,
This class is for adults only. Mutual consent forms are required, in addition to standard safety precautions. Thank you. Happy almost Back-to-School time!
Be well, and remember: Sharing is caring, and learning is fun!