A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to entertain with topics such as the utter hilarity and cuteness of children; the challenges of dating, my related rationale for celibacy; and chocolate as a precious remedy for it all. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Martha Stewart's Oprah Organizer: A-Z Challenge

Well, I couldn't think of any sexual experiences starting with "O", so I crafted a more innocent item. It's the Oprah Organizer. This delightful organizer comes with compartments of various sizes and colors. As a bonus, a mini-Oprah doll is attached. You can pad her clothes to watch her enlarge instantly like the real thing. Plus the compartments make for handy storage space for precious items like diamond earrings, insider trading secrets, KY Lubricant, and hashish. Some people think I'm a White racist elite *bleep.* This Oprah Organizer proves them wrong. Why would a bigot create a product with a miniature -- what's the term? -- brown American Afro? I like diversification. Tootles!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Martha Stewart's Naughty Prison Guard: A-Z Challenge

Hello, I'm Martha Stewart. As of late, I've longed for my days at the stony lonesome. You see, Big Bertha was in the cell next to mine. What's more - Martha fans herself - a very Naughty Prison Guard took charge and covered me from time to time, when I slipped him a few thousand dollars. My hot and Naughty Prison Guard really worked the circuit - if you know what I mean. *Wink.* I have nothing to sell you today. I simply wish to honor all Naughty Prison Guards, and I hope they keep it up...until I get there again. Tootles!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Martha Stewart's Member Maximizer: A-Z Challenge

Hello, I'm Martha Stewart, and I like a man who's well endowed. So this --Martha raises her index and middle fingers then curls them over, making air quotation marks-- "Member" Maximizer can really come in handy. I found it on craigslist and made a bunch of them. I then added my name carefully near the head of each Maximizer using a black Sharpie. This Martha Stewart Member Maximizer is lubricant friendly, enhances girth, makes for extra firmness, and adds an entire inch in length. And it fits snuggly around the testicles. Now, if I can just find somebody with a penis. Any volunteers?

Monday, April 13, 2015

Martha Stewart's Lopez Look-alike Line: A-Z Challenge

Hello, I'm Martha Stewart. A woman has needs, so I thought I'd try the J Lo look. I designed her dress, wore it, and then hung out (in more ways than one) with Meryl Streep to complain about how unfairly paid women are. It was a splendid time. Now, I'm going in search of a good *bleep.* Oh, I partnered with Walmart to promote the J Lo Look-Alike Line. You can buy one of these dresses for $1 million.Ta ta! Or should I say "Ta tas!"? Martha attempts a smile, we think.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Martha Stewart's Kitchen Kartrashwaste Keeper, A-Z Challenge

Hello, I'm Martha Stewart, and I've grown tired of shouting at my servants to take yet another load of trash to the neighbor's yard at night. So I created this Kitchen Kartrashwaste Keeper (by purchasing Glad XXL bags and writing "Martha Stewart's Kitchen Kartrashwaste Keeper" over "Glad" with a Sharpie). This bag holds a lot of waste, as you can see. I only have to tell the servants to take one load out ever day or two. It's quite economical. And I'll sell you a box of 14 of them for just $72. But --Martha attempts humor and a flirtatious smile-- you don't get to keep me. Tootles!