And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Comment Collage Starring YOU!

Dear Sillies,
I won't be around too much in the coming week, and I'll explain later. For now, please enjoy this mishmash of recent blog comments - starring you! Sorry I didn't feature everyone. If you don't see your words below, that's likely because your comments are nice and normal. I still love you anyway.
Take care and keep a smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pat Hatt said Wow, how could you not fall in love, just look at those big old socks pulled up to his knees. 
 Birgit said I wonder if he came up with on the spur of the moment thinking he was God's gift to dumber and dumber…a man who looked ok in his picture which must have been taken 20 years before, but when I met him...he had no teeth! 
 A Beer For The Shower said If it wasn't for setting the bar low, most of those guys wouldn't ever get laid.   
Pat Hatt said Much can sure be done alone indeed.
 Jono said But when the frost is on the pumpkin, that's the time for peter dunkin'. 
Elephant's Child said I hope that gentleman's neck is very, very long and very, very flexible. I suspect it is the only way he is going to get a blow-job. 
 holli   said Not gonna lie- I would totally try it!!
klahanie said Love and massages are the way forward.
Stephen Hayes said I'm sure chocolate and batteries are more satisfying.
mail4rosey I saw Angry Gran at Walmart. Well, a lady who looked just like her. My son and I couldn't help but stare. I took a picture. ;) 
 Plowing Through Life (Martha)  said Did you throw up a little in your mouth?
Alex J. Cavanaugh said That BJ's food was all the BJ he was getting.Ruth said He definitely needs to tame those woolly locks. 
 Anthony J. Langford said .. ah the whole freaking lot!
 Gorilla Bananas said Kissing a woman's hand is very anti-misogynist.;)
Connie said It sounds like he rubbed you the right way!
Geo said I do recall Bob Dole tumbling off a podium in your town back in '96, getting back up, regaining his perch and announcing, "I've fallen for Chico."
JoJo said I just can't even. What a boob.
Optimistic Existentialist said Of course he loves you too!!Al Penwasser said He sounds like a keeper.* *This is a lie.
Cheryl said You are way over due for a WOW.
Pat Tillett said Unless this tool is an contortionist, I don't think his dream will be fulfilled anytime soon, if ever...
Debra She Who Seeks said Ick. That is all.

Monday, June 20, 2016

SUMMEROTICA

Dears,
Times are anxious, sad, angry, and this country seems to have lost itself. I wish I had a new inspiring poem for you, but I don't. We still have each other, though. There are too many thoughtful, loving folks in blogland alone, to ever feel alone. I appreciate and love you all.

Summer starts this week. I touched up this oldie but hottie with some photographs and stuff.

Take good care of yourselves, and stay out of the heat...or enjoy it.


Sunday, June 12, 2016

Celibacy and Suburbia

Dear Sillies,

I'm pulling together a mishmash of blog funnies for a little book: Celibacy and Suburbia - to be published soon-ish. One of its sections includes 250 reasons for celibacy. Here's a sample from the middle of that list. You might've seen these before. I take faith that they didn't bore you then, and they won't bore you now.

Taken directly from internet dating ads, embellished by my italicized snark, please enjoy reasons #125-135 for this straight single woman to celebrate celibacy.


125) Ok I'm here now, what're yout next 2 wishes?  
 1) A nice luscious piece of chocolate cheesecake for me.
       2) Hooked-on-Phonics for you.

126) Everyone Deserves to be Treated Righ!
You mean like with Jewish New York style pumpernickel, given time to rise? Or with generous doses of sarcasm? Oh, you mean “right”! But what about lefties or the ambidextrous or the Free loving, Free Bird, Dead Head throwbacks from the 70’s? Equal righs for all, I say!

127) I like holding hands and candles.
Hint: If you like her, do not use the same hand to hold hers as you do the lit candle.

128) You had me at let's make out!
You must’ve misunderstood, sweetie. I said “Get the hell away from me!”

129) there is no spoon...
No spoon? Stick a fork in it!

130) What Good is Sitting Alone in Your Room?
It’s great for reading, writing, talking on the phone or masturbating, to mention a few.

131) Do you have it in you?
Not right now, babe, but I hope to on Saturday night. 

132) Guaranteed more fun than your ex!
It’s good to set the bar low.

133) Helpwanted  
Okay, babe. The space-bar is just below the bottom row of letters. Tap it gently with either of your thumbs.

134) I am your density...
*gripping a hearty roll of belly fat*. Funny, I thought that was all the chocolate I eat.

135) Born with a Bow Tie 
Did it hurt your mommy’s inner-nether regions?

Be good to yourselves, and have a calm week, my friends.
Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. 

Sunday, June 5, 2016

#Bernie Sanders and Robyn Engel, Yesterday's News & A Future To Believe In

Dear Sillies,

Remember two posts ago when I jokingly displayed a fake Bernie sighting? Well, be careful what you joke about; it may come true. And the truth is way better than fiction.

On Thursday, June 2, Bernie Sanders visited Chico State University. We'd be allowed entry to the event at 5:30pm. I arrived, the tenth person there, at 12:30pm. As hours passed, the growing crowd was very kind. We bought each other snacks and shared shade; weather reached into the triple-digits. One woman distributed poster boards and markers. I made a poster: Berning in Chico!

   My good friend, Silona, wrote: Post Menopausal Women for Bernie!   
 

Time passed, newscasters showed up, saw my sign, and asked me for an interview. They interviewed a number of folks, and I'd ultimately land a spot at the beginning and end of the news-bite below! I'm posting all the links and such, because I don't know if it's posted correctly. You should be able to click on the picture. If you need to, you can copy and paste the link into your URL bar to see it too.


http://m.krcrtv.com/bernie-sanders-supporters-excited-for-northstate-visit/39879526



krcrtv.com|By KRCR

But wait, that's NOT ALL! After getting through security, I made a mad dash towards the podium. I soon found myself in swarms of people already claiming their spots as close as possible to a fence that would protect Bernie from thousands of fans.

I made my way to the second row. Then begging commenced: "Excuse me, can I have two inches of the fence, please? I won't block your view, I promise." I kept asking for a few inches.* (*We know I've done that before). My pleas were met with "No! This space is for volunteers," long snippy lectures, or -at best- "You can stand next to me, but not in front." Mind you, these people were approximately 1 to 1.5 feet taller than me. I wouldn't have blocked their view had I carried a mid-sized toddler, large banana, or your standard golf-cart on my shoulders.

I persisted, inch by inch, however. Eventually, I gripped the fence. But the people who pretended to scoot over for me insisted that I ask people on the other side to also move a bit. Really, Berners?! If you weren't resting both elbows on the fence whilst towering over me aggressively, there wouldn't be any issues now. Would there? Socialism, peeps! SOCIAL-ISM! [I ended up claiming all the inches I needed - my L.A. native capitalistic, corporate greed 4'8" ferocious mentality and all.]

The show began. Sarah Lee Guthrie played inspiring music. Susan Sarandon spoke with poise and smarts. She's GORGEOUS, and she wore pink tennies too.
Then came Bernie Sanders!

We shouted after every reasonable, passionate, earnest thing he said. And everything was all of that. He didn't look at his hand-written notes. He spoke eloquently for over an hour about our need to end racism, corruption in government, misogyny, fracking, huge college debts, etc.

At the end, Bernie Sanders walked along the fence. I got charged at by the swarms of people trying to shake hands with him, but I stood my ground (literally and figuratively), and then, it happened, my friends. It really happened. Bernie Sander's hand took my right hand. His handshake was warm, loving, compassionate, yet very firm and confident. I proclaimed "I love you!" I really did. Bernie heard me and looked at me, mouthed something, and kept moving through the crowds.


I can't guarantee it, but I'm fairly certain that what Bernie Sanders said in response to my expression of love was "I love you too, Robyn Alana Engel."

To my American friends, if you'd like a suggestion on which candidate to support, I have one. 

To all, be well, and keep smiling. 
I'll do the same.
#BernbabyBern!