A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to entertain with topics such as the utter hilarity and cuteness of children; the challenges of dating, my related rationale for celibacy; and chocolate as a precious remedy for it all. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Reasons for Celibacy, #312-317 / Happy Hanukah!

Even though I have George in my life nowadays, I’m going to continue my Reasons for Celibacy series. There’s too much good material to use. Plus, I have to hit 500 reasons; I've  much further to go. So below, taken directly from internet dating ads, are reasons 312-317 for a smart, single, straight woman to choose celibacy. [One of these reasons includes someone I dated, #317.] Enjoy.

REASON #312: I am alive and live that way. 
Wow! You must be one of those people who can sleep when you’re asleep, masticate when you chew, and touch yourself privately!

REASON #313: hold your heart above your head
Dude, can you do that without breaking your neck?

REASON #314: Want the thruth?
No. I can’t handle the thruth! Thranks anyway.

REASON #315: I enjoy everything life has to differ
You mean you like contrasting elements-- like fire and water, war and peace, Kate Middleton and Prince William?

REASON #316:  I have weird dynamics, not contrary to religious status, but to make our lives joyful. Whoa. I wonder if you’re an oxymoron or a Scientologist or something. Is your couch intact?

This one, REASON #317, I recognize. I dated and blogged about him in 2012. He was Delivery Boy. We shared fresh hot “pizza” with no string cheese attached. Here’s a snippet from a blog post:  One night after a frenzied take-out, I asked Delivery Boy about his route, expecting the typical reassurance he was apt to convey. “I’m the only one you deliver to, right? Do you see possible long-term arrangement for us?”
   He answered decisively: yes, of course I was the only one. No, we had no future. Delivery Boy wouldn’t commit to an exclusive partnership with anyone, not now or later. If another woman placed an order, though, he’d do the honorable thing and tell me before filling it.
   Delivery Boy was my age when we dated. We both have summer birthdays. Based on logic, old and new math, and common sense, we’re still the same age. I’m 48, so Delivery Boy’s…48. Check out his ad, though.

They have marked my birthdate incorrectly and unable to correct it on my end.....I am 38 not 37..... Strong sincere honest communication is key to a meaningful friendship.........This creates a strong more sincere understanding of each other........For starters, I'll use my communication skills to state that you’re a lying ***bleep*** ***bleep!*** Really? 37? Your baldness and inability to ***bleep*** tell a different story.

Thank goodness I have George, and he shows no signs of aging - if you know what I mean. Wink.
   Tomorrow night marks the beginning of Hanukah. It’s an eight day celebration of  light, goodness, and miracles. 
   Note that you can spell Hanukah approximately 215 different ways, so don’t worry. You'll get it right, so long as you don't double up on side-by-side vowels. Start with one "H" or "Ch." You'll be fine. 
   They say that every Jewish holiday is summarized as “They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s eat!” So Eat. Be merry and bask in life's miracles. 

Monday, December 8, 2014

New Chapter

Nearly four years ago, it was time for a change. So after nineteen years in the San Francisco Bay Area, I transferred my life to small town Chico. Steven and Mojo welcomed me into their home. Steven was a great roommate. Mojo was a brat. That feline never left me alone. Damn, I miss him. See, Steven relocated to live with his girlfriend in Texas. He handed Mojo over to a relative, so Mojo and I said "goodbye." I love that he's waving at the camera here!
Tomorrow, I'll finish my move. I'm relocating across town. My new place is much more spacious. It's been stressful, but George is around to lift my spirits and lend a hand. [Yeah, we're still dating, five weeks and counting.]

"So you're going to work in the blog-oh-sphere?" George often asks, with extra emphasis on the "oh". He tells me he doesn't know how the blog-oh-sphere thing works, and that perhaps I'll show him sometime. "Sure, I'll show you the blog-oh-sphere sometime," I tell George.

In the meantime, since George isn't curious enough to have found my blog, I'm going to post some photos of him.
Here's George driving to Lake Tahoe - this gorgeous body of water bordering California and Nevada.
We traveled to Tahoe over Thanksgiving weekend, and there was snow. So we stayed warm by drinking coffee...

and eating and eating and eating and...
doing other things.
You weren't expecting pictures of the other things. Were you?

Well, my friends, I best get rest.

Be well. Stay warm.
Keep a smile, and I'll be back when I'm settled in at my new home.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Where Are They Now? IWSG 2014 Grand Finale

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Life by Chocolate's year-end screening of the IWSG. Blogland's phenomenal writer, author and more importantly, friend to all, Alex J. Cavanaugh, founded this phenomenal group.
First Wed of Every Month On the first Wednesday of every month for the past 3+ years, I've marked the occasion by interviewing some of the dimmest and most arrogant of celebrities. And since they took the stage at Life by Chocolate, they've gone on to do things like...transition to another gender (e.g., Bruce Jenner), reunite with Dracula's understudy (e.g., Jennifer Aniston), and die (e.g., Joan Rivers). They've also gotten manicures (e.g., Bruce Jenner), worn their hair in pony tails (e.g., Bruce Jenner), and were dumped (e.g., Honey Boo Boo's Mama and Bruce Jenner). Let's take a look:

What's my point? I don't have one, though it appears that a guest spot on my show is only the tip of the iceberg.The pay isn't great either, so these folks were doubly cursed.

But I'm grateful that you've visited us month after month. It's been fun. I suppose through all the nonsense, I've just wanted to make you laugh. I've also wanted to vent frustrations about the fact that the most popular and richest are often the most vacuous and stupid. Were I an altogether secure, enlightened, zen person, this wouldn't bother me. On a positive note, I clearly need to continue with the IWSG. I've more work to do. Thus, as we enter 2015, we'll continue to conquer the insecurity thing and become more secure writers - together. Right? Right! Write!

On another note: I'll be relocating the Life by Chocolate studio in the coming week or so. This is to say that I'm moving and might not be very active in blogland. I'm not able to stay away for too long, though, so I'll be seeing you soon.

Be well, friends.
Happy Final IWSG for 2014, and Happy December!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Thanksgiving Erotica: Basting the Turkey & Giving Thanks

 Stagehand Macaulay Culkin messed up as usual. He cut off a few letters from the end of lines, and the words "I need it all" from the line that starts "Out of the bag..." Apologies on his behalf.

The crew at Life by Chocolate (Robyn, Macaulay Culkin, Mario Lopez--he insists that I mention that he's A LOT bigger in person than he appears in the above photo, and DuPont--dressed to be eaten), wishes you and yours a delicious Thanksgiving.  To everyone, whether or not you celebrate the holiday, may you experience a sense of deep gratitude for your blessings.  Enjoy all that's sweet and savory.

I appreciate every one of you...for sticking around, indulging my quirkiness, laughing with and at me (it's all good), and for your ongoing warmth and support. You continue to make a meaningful difference in my life - so meaningful that I'll be dedicating my novel* to the followers of Life by Chocolate.

*Woman on the Verge of Paradise: The Anti-Fairytale, which is now in the very competent hands of Elsie Amata, Bryan Pedas and...drumroll & guitar strumming, please...Alex J Cavanaugh! The writing is done. The editing is just beginning. The querying and other stuff is yet to come...after we move to a bigger studio and get the holidays behind us. For now...
Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 21, 2014

Slowing Down With George

It's been three weeks since our first date, and George and I are still going strong. It's almost a new record for me. We haven't even fought yet.  

The man is very even-tempered, as opposed to me. I'm erratic. My intense emotions run wild, and I do kinda dance like Elaine too. [He hasn't seen my dance moves yet. Thankfully.]
Furthermore, I'm a klutz. When George was grilling fish for our dinner one night last week, I sat on a patio chair by the grill. He'd gone in for a spatula, came back out and closed the screen door between his kitchen and patio, then attended to the grill.

"Can I do anything to help?" I asked.

"Yeah, you can go ahead and get some plates for us."

"No problem. Where are they?"

"They're in the right side cabinet above the microwave."

"Okay," I replied. I stepped towards the kitchen when BAMM! My face smashed against the screen. {Fortunately, he hadn't closed the sliding glass door. But that leaves me no excuse for not seeing a screen.}

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned, checking my head.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," not really, probably not. I'm embarrassed, so, yeah, everything's cool. We agreed I'd be of most help if I stay seated. So I did, and dinner was delicious. We ignored the fact that I'd knocked the screen off-track.

The other day, I was viewing an apartment because I have to move out. (That's another story, and a source of stress right now. I'll be relocating during the holidays.) A cute contractor was making final repairs in the dining area, and the landlord stood nearby, between the living room and dining room. I walked towards the sliding glass door in the living room -- not processing the fact that it was a sliding glass doo-- K'BOOM! My forehead met with the glass as I attempted to take in the view.

"Oh no, are you okay?" the landlord asked.

I laughed. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just embarrassed. I'm sorry." I looked at the glass and saw that I hadn't cracked it. "I'm glad I didn't break anything."

The cute contractor shared a story and facial scar from a similar incident.

That evening, I said to George, "You know those helmets that kids wear when they have special needs and do the head-banging thing? I need one of those."

George suggested, instead, that I simply slow down, take my time with things.

Perhaps we all should slow down. At least for a moment, before we start rushing again.

On that note, I hope you have a slow-paced weekend and new week. xo