The Actual, Original Song of Thanksgivukkah!

Never again in this lifetime will we be able to celebrate the convergence of Thanksgiving and Hanukah. So, in honor of Thanksgivukkah, there are many songs zipping through the Internet. I haven't found one that tells the true story of how Thanksgivukkah came to be, nor have I found one that's sung to the tune of  the Gilligan's Island's theme song. Thus, I created this.I hope it's informative. Enjoy. (?)
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Get fit, not crack, and I’ll spin a tale that’s as wacky as they get. It started when Christopher’s Mother asked, “Why aren’t you married yet?”          Maccabee Chorus: Why aren’t you married yet?

I’m not sure why. I’m nice and all, but I can’t attract a babe.

I’ve tried Jdate and Plenty ’o Fish. Had no luck; I can’t get laid.

Maccabee Chorus: Poor lass, he can’t get laid.

Hush, my son! Don’t speak such things! A Bubbeh[1] I must be. 
So find a gal and marry her. Then next, go spread your seed.

Maccabee Chorus: Then next, go spread your seed.

I searched through Spain and the Promised Land, but nothing seems to work. 
I don’t like bars or techno-raves. 
Mom, I can’t even twerk.

Maccabee Chorus: Poor lass can’t even twerk!

Then build a ship and search the world. Not a corner shall you miss. You’re 45 years old, my son. 
Now come give your Mama a kiss.

Maccabee Chorus: Boy, go give your Mama a kiss.

Columstein sailed with the Pilgrambergs, and dreidle they did play. Within 8 days, they hit Plymouth Rock. 'Twas a miracle! Oy vey![2]

Maccabee Chorus: 'Twas a miracle! Oy vey!

They ate and ate and ate some more. Turkey latkes[3] were first rate. Then Chris winked at Pocahantusky and asked her for a date.

Maccabee Chorus: He asked her for a date.

He IM’d Mama, who said, “Mazel Tov![4]”. You can guess what happened next. 
Columstein and Pocahantusky were sharing risqué texts.

Maccabee Chorus: They were sharing risqué texts.

So we celebrate all miracles, and give thanks for all we’ve got.

Were it not for bold and brave rebels, We’d be one sorry lot.

Maccabee Chorus: We’d be one sorry lot.
 
Now go enjoy Thanksgivukkah. And do your very best 
to make the most of what you need, 
and share all of the rest.

Maccabee Chorus: And share all of the rest.

Happy Thanksgivukkah...There, where-ever you’re smilin’!

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[1] Jewish grandma. We all love them. We all need them. I miss my two Bubbehs.

[2] Nothing says “oy vey” like “oy vey.”

[3] Potato pancakes. Traditional Hanukkah food.

[4] Congratulations and good fortune.

I forgot a couple footnotes, and I don't know how to slip them in without messing this all up - as if it's not already messed up (in more ways than one). Truthful info:
The Maccabees were a small band of Jews that fought and won a battle against the Egyptians/Syrians for religious freedom. Dreidles are the spinning tops we play with on Hanukah. Hanukkah begins on Wednesday night.
On both holidays, we celebrate miracles; religious freedom, and all the freedoms and blessings we take for granted in our privileged segment of the world. It's sentiment we can all embrace, so Happy Thanksgivukkah to you!