InSanity~Normalize, Don't Stigmatize Mentall Illness.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Martha Stewart, Delightful Daring Dominatrix: A - Z Challenge

Hello, I'm - well, you know. I'm slightly perplexed. Nobody jumped on, at, above, or under my curvacious cluster of curves yesterday. So I had the work reversed; my chest is restored to normal. Still, a --Martha clears her throat-- mature woman needs a good *bleep*. I decided that with all the BDSM hooplah lately, I'll take control and get on top of things. So I pulled together my dogs' bow-tie, blanket, and the straps from the zipline I had built for them in the New Haven guest house garden. These simple, everyday materials make a Delightful Daring Dominatrix outfit. I'll sell it to you for just $1,145. First, I'm going in search of prey. Wish me luck. *Wink.*

53 comments:

  1. Normal? Martha?
    And I suspect that Dire Dominatrix is closer to the mark than delightful.
    Can we club together to pay whatever it costs to have her held in Durance Vile?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We'll start taking up a collection here, EC. Great idea.

      Delete
  2. I don't think Martha has those abs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll chip in EC, if only to clear that visual from my brain. I just threw up in my mouth a litttle.

    EW!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, sorry, Jac. At least you didn't have your Easter meal yet. Right?

      Delete
  4. That looks like something the cat would bury in the litterbox, she needs more than luck

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, there is a visual I didn't want to wake up to.
    And I just seen her on the Beiber roast and somehow this all makes sense now.
    Too funny,

    Bushman
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @jwb81074

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martha is trying to boost her image all around. She's not too bright, though. It's being deflated. And to end her roast by telling Bieber, "Call me"? How sick is that?! Sorry for the unsightly sight, Jeff, but I appreciate the visit.

      Delete
  6. One thing you can say for Martha...she'll never be a typical 'little old lady'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strange this, though, Delores, she still lacks personality.

      Delete
  7. Pretty safe bet that outfit wouldn't turn on either my wife or me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A dominatrix? I just can't picture her that way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoiler alert: Maybe that's why she's not successful with this outfit either, Martha.

      Delete
  9. Dominatrix was probably her second career choice on her college interviews.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, it was her first. But they told her she didn't have what it takes so she decided to toss salads and beat eggs.

      Delete
  10. Oh oh the pool boy, Gunther, better watch out. I have a feeling Martha has a whole closet full of whips and chains

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, she's got several dungeons, Birgit. Run, Gunther, Run!

      Delete
  11. Hahahahahahahaha! Love this :D

    Thanks for the visit over at Quiet Laughter earlier--lovely to meet you, too!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Any more work done and things are just going to start falling off ala Michael Jackson's nose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They already have, Ruth. You don't see what it looks like with her pants off.

      Delete
  13. Just as I've always suspected: Martha has tiny breasts. Happy Easter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, she's been stuffing her bra since puberty, and that was circa 1730.

      Happy Easter, Stephen.

      Delete
  14. Mysteriously her 'D' cups done vanished. A divine Dominatrix, indeed! Go easy on the gefilte fish, Robyn!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All six of those D cups vanished, Julie.
      Mmm, gefilte fish. Do you like it, Julie? Most either love or hate it. I love it and hope to get more tonight.

      Delete
  15. Yikes. Not sure if I should have read this in daylight

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He skin is blindingly pasty. Sorry, Joanne. Plus, she forgot to shave for the photo.

      Delete
  16. It's not the same without the boob-arm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, DC. When he fake boob went, the arm went too. It may reappear at some point.

      Delete
  17. I'm thinking that outfit probably gets pretty drafty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point, Rosey. She's bound to get a chest cold. Then again, she doesn't exactly have a chest.

      Delete
  18. Anyone who features chocolate and Martha Stewart parodies is OK by me!

    http://shrinkrapped.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why thank you, CuteAsAButton. Adorable name. I'll pay a visit asap.

      Delete
  19. Replies
    1. Lots of grins around here at Martie's expense. I love it. Thanks, Sandra.

      Delete
  20. This is hysterical! I had to go back and read all your previous posts. Followed, because this has to be the queen of creative A to Z topics. So to speak, of course. Alana - ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woohoo! Thank you, bookworm. Alana? That's my middle name! I love it, and always wished it was my first name. Really appreciate the follow.

      Delete
  21. Excuse me, I think I just caught a glimpse of a boob-arm fingering its way down the road. Must hide now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could there be a more creepy visual? Stick around and you'll find out. *Insert evil laughter.*

      Smiles. Happy Easter, Geo.

      Delete
  22. Yep, I'm on board, you are absolutely making me a Martha fan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I've got the rest of the alphabet to change that, Pickleope Von Pickleope.

      Delete
  23. Poor Martha. She's just not sexy with or without boobs.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm not one bit surprised at this revelation of Martha's kinky side although I suspect Alan Cuming will be appalled when he sees whose head you stuck on his body.

    ReplyDelete
  25. The poor men in her life!! I feel so bad for them.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh. My. Gawd! I have been trying sooo hard to get over here just for these posts! LOL. I have been all over the place this past week, but you just made my night.

    I can't wait to see the rest of Ms. Martha's posts. Hope you enjoyed your weekend. Ahem...looks like you did. :) Eva

    ReplyDelete
  27. Well, we all know that Martha, if nothing else, is clever! :D

    ReplyDelete