Interview with Jennifer Aniston: IWSG

 

Founded by none other than our Alex, the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and offer words of encouragement. Join us, if you're not already on-board. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.

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Robyn: Ladies and gentlemen, we've met a number of well-hated celebrities here at Life by Chocolate. So let's try something different. Let's welcome America's sweetheart! "Sandra Bullock is here? Woohoo!" a deep-voiced man shouts. No, sorry. Sandra was busy. Today we welcome Jennifer Aniston!

Wild applause overtakes the studio. As it fades, though, Robyn is hammered by a hailstorm of Legos. The cameraman turns toward the culprits: 27 children of various skin hues occupying the front row, each sporting a t-shirt that reads, "My Mommy is Better Than Jen". The kids are sandwiched between a scraggly haired, stone-faced zombie on one end and a sultry, long-legged woman with ginormous lips on the other. This woman abruptly stands up and directs the army to depart with her. A spaced-out zombie strolls shyly behind. The exit door slams loudly.

Robyn: Now that it's quieted down, come on out here Jen!

Jennifer Aniston walks out to center-stage, looking as cute as ever in a bright red dress that exposes a teaser of cleavage. She smiles cheerfully and shakes Robyn's hand.

Robyn: Thank you, Jen. I really, really - Robyn's staring at her cleavage - sorry. She forces her head up to make eye contact with Jennifer. It's just really nice to have a sweet, beautiful celebrity here for a change. Please have a seat. Robyn points at a flimsy wooden table chair. Oh, they're from ROSS. Get it, ROSS! Robyn elbows her playfully, as Jen imparts a courtesy grin. They both take a seat.

Robyn: I invited you here, Jen, because I'm insecure about being single. I write in first-person, so this directly affects my writing. I give off the image that I'm happy being single, better off, in fact. Thing is, I am. Maybe. But I'm not sure. Not totally. I still hold hope that I'll meet someone fabulous, but I don't want to have hope for that. I mean, I want to be perfectly content being single. You know? Jen's eyebrows are raised. She's completely dumbfounded. If I'm sincere, my writing will be stronger. And you, well, you always seem so poised and happy, even though you haven't been able to keep a ma--

Jennifer interrupts. Well, I'm doing well. Thank you. Justin and I are still engaged, and we're just working out the details, that's all. She forces a smile.

Robyn: Justin, yeah, I'm glad you mentioned him. Let's look at this picture of the two of you. Robyn holds up this photo:  You're beautiful, Jen. So why settle for that? Are you that desperate to be with a man? What is it about him: the widows peak, the heavily pronounced eye brows? Or his expansive forehead? Jen squirms in her seat and pulls out a tissue from her purse. Or is it his relationship history? He was with the last one for, how long? 15 years, but never married. You've been engaged for a year but still have no wedding date. Oh, sweetie, you and Brad were beautiful together, til he dumped you for that big-lipped woman. Jen snatches up her purse and begins to scramble through it. 

Jennifer: I've gotta go. I have a phonecall. Ta ta. She departs readily and we can hear her pouting as she exits the stage.

Robyn: Oops, I didn't mean to make her cry. She's so cute, isn't she? Robyn turns toward the back stage and shouts "Sorry, Rachel. I mean, Jen. You're very cute. I'd even switch teams for you if you were willing." Next Robyn focuses on Justin's eyebrows. That does it. I'm cured. Singledom is best!

Sundays in My City

Hello! Welcome to Chico, CA for another edition of Sundays in My City. UnknownMami hosts this wonderful tour of bloggers' hometowns. Visit her site to visit the world.

 

Chico Plaza, where kids cool off in the funnest of ways.

Photo taken on 6/28, when temps reached 108 degrees Fahrenheit

Adults claim patches of shade. If you look to the right, you'll see a Food Not Bombs* booth.

*A volunteer-run organization that serves free meals to help those in need, and to protest the billions of dollars that our government spends on defense.

I stayed inside a nicely air conditioned house and prepared this feast for my birthday. Help yourselves to leftovers. There's plenty. (Ice-cream's in the freezer, and cold chocolate stout is in the fridge, along with chilled chocolate wine and chocolate soda...Notice a rather predictable party theme?!)

Thanks for stopping by.

Have a peaceful Sunday and new week. Stay cool.

Cinderella's and Prince Charming's Match.com Ads Revealed!

To follow is a snippet from Woman on the Verge of Paradise, due for release sometime, someday.  Enjoy.
 
How would the world’s most perfect couple have described themselves on Match.com, had they not met at the ball? I imagine something like this:

Name:  Cindy Rella

Sex:  Oh no, not until marriage *giggling and blushing*.

Appearance:  They say I’m beautiful - perfect height, weight, figure and feet.

Hobbies:  Talking to birds, playing with mice, sewing, cooking, and cleaning.

Seeking: Male, any age, religion, ethnicity, and employment status. Criminal and substance abuse history - doesn't matter.  Relationship history - doesn’t matter. Kids or no kids - doesn’t matter.
Looks and money a plus.
 
First date preferences: Marriage.

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Name: Prince Charming

Sex:  Please, frequently and often.

Appearance:  Gorgeous, manly, and extremely handsome.

Hobbies: Waltzing.

Seeking: Beautiful female – perfect height, weight, figure and feet. Nothing else matters.

First date preferences: Family is pressuring me to marry. I kinda just wanna get laid.

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On that note, happy hump day, all. 

Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.