On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reason #13, aka Bigotry is Not Attractive

Here’s REASON #13:
NOT SCOTT PETERSON
Nor do I look anything like Charles Manson, or Ted Bundy, or the typical Catholic priest: Which means that I don't fit the profile of the typical serial killer or the typical child molester. This does set you apart from all of the other on-line daters. But! if you park your car in my driveway and leave the car door open with the keys in the ignition- I am genetically predisposed to commandeering it and taking it out for a joy ride; as has been empirically proven on the show "Bait Car". Thus, um, I should date you? But! Should I hide my key in my bra and not in the ignition, when I park in your driveway? Or should I park my car around the block? If so, shall I leave the key in the ignition or hide it in my bra?


His strategy further perplexes.. DISCLAIMER: It is a fact that every woman on every dating site failed miserably at maintaining their last relationship: because if you had been successful- you wouldn't be here. Thus, I should date you - you ass? I mean, you astute man?

He sent me this email after noticing that I viewed his profile: I see you viewed my profile..flattering b.s. here [i.e., “I just want some booty” talk]. Actually, you've misinterpreted my signals. I guess you don’t follow my blog. See, I put idiots like you up for public scrutiny and humiliation. It’s quite fun, really.. But I didn't say hello, because I also noticed that you are Jewish. And I didn't think Jewish women spoke to anyone except other Jews.

With every ounce of my Jewish blood boiling, I responded with the restraint and eloquence of my oppressed people: “Yep, we Jews have even been known to intermarry. We just don't enjoy speaking with people who stereotype us. Good luck to you. -Robyn”

#13 then got a clue (maybe), and apologized (I think): ..though in my heart I know that I was not stereotyping you--as much as I was expressing the 'stated sentiments' of the dozen or so women whose profiles I read and whom listed themselves as Jewish--in reality, for me to express surprise at the fact that you didn't think as they think: that is THE DEFINITION of stereotyping. Once again, I apologize..I now realize that I don't come across as the HONEST and FORTHRIGHT person that I am—but as a bigoted, insensitive, STEREOTYPICAL jerk. I don't blame you for not wanting to be my friend. We’re on the same page, buddy. But you still aint getting any from this gal.
Now, he launches into the “I did the apology, so let me try to score some booty by deflecting attention from me onto your unforgiving nature” maneuver. But if you can understand that people make mistakes sometimes, a single mistake doesn't define that individuals entire character: do know that I would still like to be your friend..I'm as normal as they come…A truth which is actually borne out by my textual faux pas What the hell is a textual faux pas? in the regards that a 'normal' person becomes habituated to expect a certain action after having witnessed said action manifest.. admits when they are wrong- offers an apology- ..while seeking to turn what could be a negative into a positive. Say what?!


The home stretch, ‘let me try once more to score some booty,’ move: Be nice. Say hello. And you will be surprised at how 'normal' and not inclined to stereotype people that I am. I hope I hear from you. And if not, good luck, and do forgive me for being an idiot.

My response: “I accept and appreciate your apology. Thank you. Still, I don’t wish to pursue a connection. All the best, -Robyn”
His response in the subject line: “Very good.”

PS The kicker: He professes to be (1) a writer and (2) a comedian. That's kinda funny. Wouldn't you say?

All in a day’s work. Oy gevalt!

Striking a Pose for Laborers!

That’s me on the left of each photo. Yep, I was a hell raiser back in 1998 [and on a few occasions since. Okay, before then, as well. Alright, alright! It’s more than a few occasions pre and post-1998. Quiet down already, and let me continue! Would ya?] As I was saying before all the interruptions, sweet friends, I helped organize a strike against the management of a non-profit social service agency in Oakland, CA. I’d been a union steward, published a chapter newsletter, and was partaking in contract negotiations. Issues at play included the potential loss of our “flex day” (1 day off every 2 weeks), salaries, and lots more.

We had an amazing turnout on the picket lines, with nearly 100% participation. That is, close to 100 of us stopped traffic (or, rather, we got a few honks). Note that when a group of strikers is comprised of 90% women, including some rather attractive ladies in tank tops, spirited truckers will support the cause –whatever said cause may be.

This soiree occurred during the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal. I was quite proud of one of the strike signs that I created: “Keep Clinton! Impeach [Insert Name of Evil Director here]!” I figured I’d try to take some heat off of the poor guy, who had experienced plenty of – well, uh – heat. Anyway, we danced and sang along the picket lines. We also took delight in mocking the supervisors, who took delight in mocking us from their office windows. Clinton fared none the worse for our efforts. In fact, he was not impeached.

We were flying high, until the chapter abruptly sold out following 2 days of picketing. All was not lost, as it was truly a unifying, empowering experience. Plus, I wrote the warmhearted song to follow. It almost made the top 10 list (in my home), but lost the competition to a silly version of Row, Row, Row Your Boat. But that’s not important right now. We didn’t sing my song on the picket lines (I was too shy to distribute it then), though one of my colleagues anonymously emailed it to the Director. I’m guessing the boss didn’t appreciate it, but I could be wrong. To fully enjoy it yourself, you must know that (1) the evil Director had an unusual frame, involving big hips and a tiny waist, and (2) she was impeached by her own peers a year or so later. I’d already moved onto another job, exhausted by the entire experience.

Before I skip to this infamous song, though, I want to give a shout out to my (former) brothers and sisters of Local 535 and to laborers everywhere. Though I am now on the dark side (management), I remain committed to workers’ rights. Thus, managers who don’t have a high regard for ethical practices, and it’s shocking how many there are in social services, don’t like me much. I’m proud of this. I remain grateful to the laborers of the past who gave their lives for the cause of an 8 hour day and 40 hour week. Whenever I drive past folks on strike, they get my honking support.

We Will Survive
aka Ode to a Big-Hipped Woman
Sung to the Tune of Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive

When first we saw her hips, we were mystified.
Kept wonderin,’ “How could anyone with legs so small have hips so wide?”
We spent oh so many months just as polite as we could be.

Now we’re venting our frustrations for all the world to see
That her ego, we’ll stand no more! She’s power tripping, and her tactics we abhor!

XXXX is the one who deceives us with her lies.
Does she think we’re stupid? Does she think we’ll give up all our rights?

VERSION 1, BEFORE FINAL VOTE
No, no, we won’t! We’ve too much pride.
Oh, as long as we put up a fight, we’ve justice on our side.
We’ll show that big-hipped woman that we’re not afraid to strike, and we will fight
Until she does us right.

We’re unified. We are 535! Hey, Hey!

VERSION 2, AFTER FINAL VOTE:
Look what we did; we changed our minds.
We voted for the money and set principles aside.
We showed that big-hipped woman that she can buy us out.

And so we pout, ‘cuz we ain’t got no clout.
We broke our stride, and we got fried
By someone who’s really wide. Hey, Hey!

Happy Labor Day, to those who get the day off. Happy Monday, to you all! xo

Lifting Spirits, One CSN Giveaway at a Time!

Sunset on the Cherry Blossoms, D.C., 2000, photo by me

The kind folks at CSN stores have given me the opportunity to award one of you with a $70 gift certificate! Did I mention that’s $70? Did I also mention that they are quite generous? With millions of products to choose from (kitchen tables, fitness equipment, pet supplies, children's toys and games, etc.), think about the fun you could have with this on-line shopping spree.

As a tribute to our beloved friend, Lisa/Bumpkin on a Swing, I’d like this to go to someone whose life has been touched by cancer. This may be because they have survived cancer themselves, or are close with a cancer victim or survivor. They need not be a blogger. I just ask that you be a follower (new, old, or young) of Life by Chocolate. I encourage you to check out Bumpkin’s blog, too, if you’re not signed-on already. It’s really beautiful and uplifting, as was she. Lisa was completely unselfish. I think she’d like this. In fact, I think she’s say: “Tink!”

You can nominate yourself, someone who is touched by cancer, or someone who is close with someone who is touched by cancer...You get the idea. Please just tell me about the person you’d like the gift to go to, and the gift you have in mind. You can start perusing the sites with a visit to http://www.csnstores.com/. Feel free to help spread the word. Thank you! Here’s hoping to lift spirits, and raise cancer awareness, in support of those afflicted by this horrid disease.