A Taste of Nostalgia (A Repost)

Back in the Day
Back in the day,
We meant you and me.
To feel was to touch.
To touch set you free.

Courage and valor defined one as great -
Not being a whiney, crazed parent of eight.

When actors could act,
Performers could sing,
Reality shows starred Carson and Bing.

Back in the day,
Mail came to your door.
Wrappers bore gifts.
You walked to the store.

Ice cream trucks stopped on the corner street.
Fifteen cent big sticks, a most awesome treat.

Nice girls didn’t google, switch users or tweet.
Blackberries were juicy and raspberries, sweet.

Nice guys didn’t sag, log off or shut down.
When sex was sacred, and text, just a noun.

Back In the day, botox was unknown.
Surgery was for illness,
Cocktails for the grown.

Cells made up blood.
Breakfast, with Tang.
TVs had antennas, and
Telephones rang.

Back in the day,
You ne’er felt hella radWhen your BFF told you
Your outfit looked bad.
I.M. meant I am.
To chat meant to talk.
You swam with you tube,
And teachers used chalk.

Back in the day,
A Chevrolet brought you clout.
Cowboys re-booted before stepping out.

Blue tooth was concerning.
Hot meant close to burning.

Fruit smoothies were exotic.
Laptops, erotic.

Back in the day,
Old school was a house.
A pad for a bachelor,
And cheese for a mouse.

Word!
I’m sayin’
Feel me, and don’t weep.
Oprah continues to represent the peep (for another minute).

And back in the day, who’d ever dream
That a Black man would hold the office Supreme.

We go backwards and forwards,
Forwards and then back,
In circles, and sideways,
But land up on track.

Back in the day...
We means you and me.

These Things I Know About the BDFH

1) BDFH (blind date from hell) is a redundant term.
2) I won’t have one ever again. I swear.
3) The next one I have will look like this. I swear. (Note: You’d swear too if you had to date this guy.)

4) He might offer to pick up the tab if I order tap water.
5) I like a slice of lemon with my water and will therefore bring a quarter.
6) While he boasts about his doting mother, I will fantasize about more pleasant activities (e.g., getting a root canal or styling Justin Bieber’s hair).
7) If and only if he looks like this, he will try to kiss me.
8) If and only if he looks like this and tries to kiss me, I will barf on his face.
9) Then, he will look the same.
10) I do the BDFH thing for entertainment purposes only.
11) Your entertainment, not mine.

A Higher Calling?

One must be of very high caliber to land a job nowadays.

Consider this ad for a job in San Francisco (source: craigslist.org):

Marijuana Educators Needed-

New Cannabis Educational Company is looking for highly knowledgeable Marijuana Educators. Cannabis Industry Attorneys, Doctors that do recommendations, Cannabis Chefs, Cannabis Horticulturists, Cannabis Herbalists, Dispensary Owners/Employees, Delivery Service Owners needed to speak to students. Must be comfortable speaking in front of crowds. This is an educational company only. You must be a passionate, up-to-date, knowledgeable Cannabis Industry expert in one or more of the needed areas. Weekend Only work. Part-time. Please send resume. Marijuana, Cannabis, 420, Medical Marijuana, Ganja

·Compensation: D.O.E.
·This is a part-time job.
·Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
·Please, no phone calls about this job!
·Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m working on my cover letter. Here’s what I’ve got so far. Feel free to add suggestions. 

Dear Highering Committee,

You should higher me. Here’s why:

1) I believe strongly that all brownies are “special brownies.”
2) I graduated from High School.
3) I’m routinely asked, “What the hell are you on?”
4) I get ravenously hungry when I haven’t eaten in 12 minutes.
5) I once listened to the Doobie Brothers, accidentally. (I thought they were the Bee Gees.)

6) I made a tie-dye shirt at summer camp 32 years ago.

Reefers available upon request.

Peace out!