Fun with Canadian Border Security, Some March Madness

Hi Dear Sillies,

Happy March! 

Life in the bigger picture is too much, so we need to have a bit of fun when possible.

I'd sent the lovely, hilarious Birgit her winning package, but it's been chillax-ing at the Canada-US border, likely mere miles from Birgit's reach. See, I'd received a call from Customs, stating that I must hire a broker (say what?) to have the goods released. Irritated and perplexed - you know me - I made this known.

Amid my fury I thought to ask: "Is this because of our new government?" The very polite, clearly Canadian Border Security officer replied: "good question, and others have asked this too." Aha. This feisty gal changed her tone, apologized for being contentious and for all the other bleep going on because of our bleepin bleep and bleepidy bleep bleep. I was careful to neither curse nor say "bleep," though.

Still, Birgit's winning package remains at the border. There are more steps. I was instructed to complete a form to allow the FedEx Trade Network to release said package. Done. I then needed to submit a statement with tracking number, total cost, and an explanation of said package. Done. They certainly didn't need this fleshed out explanation, yet I'm honest. They've been polite. Here's what I stated, after providing the basic information:

More specifically: Recipient, Birgit B. in Ontario, is the winner of a contest that I facilitated at my blog, Life by Chocolate see Rawknrobyn@blogspot.com. Due to my venom towards the US's commercial Valentine's Day-Hallmark-Hershey industry, and my typical status as an empowered yet sexually frustrated single woman, I facilitate an annual Valentine's Day Hatefest contest. The winner gets a sweet package. This year's winning entry was: "Roses are pink. Who cares? You're a soul sucking fink." She received the most votes for this, at 2 versus 1 for the other entries. 

  Thank you and warm regards,

  Robyn Alana Engel

Birgit, I hope they like your rhyme as much as I do!

I also hope this explanation will suffice. Fingers crossed.

March Madness, How Will Whoopi Goldberg Celebrate World Obesity Day?

Dear Sillies,
   I'm often bewildered by "National/World Days." Who comes up with this stuff, and why combine things like a dental visit with Oreo cookies? That's awfully strange and hygienically destructive. I'd love your thoughts. 
   At any rate, happy March!

From the spruce.com, the first week's celebrations follow.  

• March 1: National Peanut Butter Lover's Day

There's more than one lover of Peanut Butter. Move that apostrophe!

• March 2: Dr. Seuss's Birthday, National Read Across America Day
• March 3: World Wildlife Day, World Book Day

but we just read across the country in Dr. Seuss' honor yesterday. We're supposed to read all over again, while celebrating wildlife? Okay, but watch out for that...t r e e eeeee

• March 4: National Hug a G.I. Day, National Grammar Day, World Obesity Day, Employee Appreciation Day

Whewee, which G.I. do I get to hug? I hope he's a hottie with good spelling and a big...knowledge of appropriate grammar. 

World Obesity Day? Are you kidding me? First off, we celebrate Obesity Day every single day in the United States. But hey, let's enjoy another excuse to eat more donuts and fast food and wash it down with an extra large Starbucks mocha latte espresso whatever with extra whipped cream, carmel and chocolate syrup, not blended, no ice. Thank the fine employees who keep us obese and/or try their damn-dest to get us there. 

Sorry not sorry that Whoopi has big thoughts on obesity.

• March 5: National Day of Unplugging (first Friday of every March) Psst, I don't think they mean anything sexual by "unplugging," Tori. 
  

March 6: National Dentist's Day and 
National Oreo Cookie Day

  Oh the irony. To indulge before or after visiting your friendly dentist??

• March 7: National Cereal Day 

in case you didn't pack enough sugar into your first 6 days of March!