Dear Sillies,
Please be safe and well, my friends. I mean, Hilary's a threat and all. (#Bernie4ever!)
As a person who's a little...well, little, I feel for the dwarfs. They didn't even get to audition for the Snow White movie. So I brought these cuties onto our stage for an interview.
Let's give a small warm welcome to...
The 7 dwarfs prance onto our stage in follow-the-leader fashion singing, "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to..." Robyn stands in front of Doc to stall their movement. Hi guys! They freeze.
Grumpy to Robyn: Get out of the way, tramp!
Sleepy falls down snoring.
Robyn: Oh, sweeties, I understand your upset. You were short-changed by Disney. They replaced you with stupid magical spirits.
Dopey (who can't even spell his name correctly for the group photo above): Wanna smoke? I got extra. Dopey shows Robyn a fistful of weed that he keeps stored in his lantern.
Happy, eying Robyn up and down: Hey, you're spendid. Too tall for me but weehee! I love this place!
Doc takes out a tape-measure and stretches it along Robyn's right calf. By my estimations, if you shrink three inches, you'll qualify for dwarf status.
Grumpy: *Bleep* this *bleep*!
Robyn: I agree. She winks at Grumpy.
Grumpy: Don't flirt with me, b****! I don't swing that way.
Robyn: No, I, well, let's get to the real question. Gentlemen, what really happened between you and Snow White on those wild nights in the woods?
Bashful turns red.
Doc and Happy give each other small high-fives and then launch into a series of synchronized little pelvic thrusts. Bow chicka bow wow ho, ho, ho, ho!
Sneezy: Aachooo!
Robyn finds Bashful snuggled up to her kneecaps, shaded from the stagelights by Robyn's big bosoms.
Grumpy makes a beeline for the exit. *Bleep* this *bleep*!
Robyn, to the audience: Sorry to cut things short. We've some micro-aggressions to deal with backstage.
She sighs and closes the stage curtains.
I am not at all sure that micro-aggressions is all that needs to be dealt with back stage. And I suspect out of the spotlight you will get the full story about what happened with Snow White.
ReplyDeleteHaha. You make great points, and I sure hope so. I'm working on it, EC. Thank you, dear.
DeleteGrumpy is GAY? Had me fooled. I had money riding on Happy.
ReplyDeleteLOL. That's good, Debra. I know - shocked me too. You'd think a gay dwarf miner who's 86+ years old would be more fulfilled. But Happy is as cis as cis gets, rest assured. Smiles.
DeleteNo, I think it really was an eight-way.
ReplyDeleteMagical creatures instead of dwarves. Yup, taking this stuff way too far...
It had to be an eight-way, right, Alex?! Let's be real. All together, they could give her almost an average amount of inches too. Then again, perhaps I'M taking this stuff too far.
DeleteHow DARE that obnoxious little pr*ck Grumpy call you a "tramp" and a "b*****"? It is well known that you, Robyn, are a strumpet of the HIGHEST ORDER, not a common guttersnipe as those slurs suggest. I AM OUTRAGED ON YOUR BEHALF.
ReplyDeleteOh, Dear Royal Highness, I adore you more than ever. Thank you so much. Damn straight, this b*tch ain't no tramp. I think I'll have a t-shirt made stating "I'm a strumpet of the HIGHEST ORDER". Bumper stickers too. You've inspired me, and I'm eternally grateful.
DeleteI won't stand for dwarf icing. Bring back the dwarves!!!
ReplyDeleteStay safe and dry! Hopefully Hilary isn't as effective at blowing as a Monica.
Yes, bring back the dwarves!
DeleteHAHAHA. Elizabeth that is one heck of a hilarious joke about Hilary and Monica. Yes, let's hope. Thank you. I hope your boy is fine. It's hitting further inland. So long as people can safely hunker down, they'll be fine - I believe.
It appears that Snow White drifted. As for Grumpy, he's that way because Ian McLellan dumped him for someone younger
ReplyDeleteBuawhaha. I learn so much from my beloved followers. I just looked up Ian McLellan. Probably should NOT have done that while eating. Too funny. Thank you, Birgit!
DeleteI can't top the above comments. All so good. (and glad you rode out the storm (both real rains and backstage drama) safely.
ReplyDeleteI know. I love the responses these dwarfs/dwarves (apparently, it can be spelled either way) elicited. Such cute little guys, except Grumpy. There's always a bad one in the batch, right? Thanks, friend.
DeleteFrom what I've read I think Peter Dinklage should play Grumpy.
ReplyDeleteGood response, Mike. Yes. He's as grumpy as they get. He's the one dwarf in the movie, right? The movie that won't be screened because of all the backlash. Oy vey.
DeleteWin Ex lover back in 48 hours_______________________________
ReplyDeleteEmail....[[R.buckler11@gmail....com ]]
United States...
Why? I love my current love. The ex is a weirdo with a buttload of mommy-daddy issues that I just can't. He has long nostril hair too. No, just no. Don't come back now, ya hear?!
DeleteWhat an imagination! Glad you stumbled by my place so I could find this garden of yours. Aloha!
ReplyDeleteYay, new friends! Aloha, Cloudia. Thank you.
DeleteWhat can I say...you should be writing for Disney; but you'd have to risk going to Florida and I wouldn't wish that on you.
ReplyDeleteSandy's Space
Or worse, LA/Hollywood. Oy.
DeleteThank you, Sandy.
Safety and well wishes to you.