JLo dazzles in glamorous, intricately sequined, multi-colored in shimmering shades of pink and lavender accented by subtle splashes of silver diamonds, fit and sexy as ever, dance ware.
Robyn, in torn jeans and a tank top that reveals her wide and low-hanging boobies, plus newly excited nipples, strolls over to greet her while the one audience member, Ben, nods off. They shake hands.
Robyn: Sorry um, we're super casual here.
*All JLo quotes are real.*
JLo: I judge people on how they smell, not how they look.
Robyn sniffs her right underarm, realizing she forgot to use deodorant this morn. Stay away from me, girlfriend, she jokes but not really.
JLo keeps a smile. Robyn: You and Ben have been married 4 times, in the past month or so. How many times have you actually married, I mean, to different men?
JLo: I've been married three times and once was nine months and once was 11 months so I don't really count those.
Robyn: You don't count the short ones? Robyn holds up her index finger and thumb, 4 or so inches apart, bringing them closer and closer as she speaks. Girlfriend, I disregard the stunted ones too.
JLo nods. I believe in love. Robyn: Did you just make that up all by yourself?
JLo: It's a shame to call someone a 'diva' because they work harder than everybody else.
Robyn: Wait, harder than everybody else? Harder than the 18 year old barely-adult soldiers who fight on the front lines for our freedoms day and night, month after month, year after year? Harder than the single parents with three or more kids to feed and clothe and house after their spouse, who was their provider, abandoned the family to shack up with the hot, young blonde he hired to be his Robyn uses air quotes "assistant"? Harder than--
JLo blows a kiss and dances off the stage in some maneuvers that make Robyn's nipples perk up like never before.
Robyn to the audience: Wake up, Ben! You didn't re-re-remarry a smart one. But she's an incredible dancer. Damn. She's smokin', at 53 too. She smiles, Ben. Try it sometime like your wife does, and like your bestie with personality, Matt Damon. Talk about a hottie, am I right? If you want to see the real talents you married, here's a snippet. I thought you should know, Mr. J Lo. You're welcome, dude.
Smiling. And no, I dismiss the short ones too.
ReplyDeleteI'm not surprised, EC. You're a smart lady. Thank you. =)
DeleteI guess Ben was too drunk and passed out to interview alongside his new wife. I believe in money too, oh wait, I mean love.
ReplyDeleteBen's always drunk, passed out, and/or not smiling. Am I right? I asked him to join us, but he had no comment as usual. With that kind of love (i.e., money) what could she have to complain about?
DeleteThanks for chiming in, as always.
I can only ever be married to one guy. My memory is too bad. I'd be like remember the time you...
ReplyDeleteAnd he'd say, that must have been your other husbands and then it would get awkward.
Haha. Yeah, me too. I don't believe in marriage (and divorce) THAT much. My beau and I already do this to each other. "Um, honey, that must've been another woman." Oops.
DeleteThanks for visiting, friend.
Not much personality but she can dance.
ReplyDeleteAnd I chuckled at Elizabeth's comment.
Elizabeth's a smart one. As are you, Alex. JLo, not so much. But her dancing and her beauty...sigh. Smiles.
DeleteHey, don't you be dissin' my girl J-Lo. She and I have a lot in common like genius-level talent and a love of tom cats.
ReplyDeleteOnly the richest of the rich tom cats, am I right, HRH?
DeleteYou know it!
DeletePaw-hand shake on that one, HRH!
DeleteJLo might not be too bright, but yeah, she can dance. Celebrities have little concept of reality. Never count the short ones! Funny stuff, Robyn! ☺
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debbie. When you think you work harder than the other billions of people in the world, and you have a team paid to take you through every aspect of your day...not so smart. She should just keep dancing and stop talking.
DeleteI would love to meet her in a micro bikini. But I would have a 6 inch piece of duct tape ready for her mouth.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. You got me, Mike. That's too funny. Thank you for dropping by with the quip.
DeleteHow many times was she engaged? Didcshe keep the rings? Yes, I love her Zoolander poses while Ben holds onto her sequins. I will give this less than a year.
ReplyDeleteGood question, Birgit. Lord knows how many times she's been engaged, and remember that super young guy she dated? I think he was something like 18 years younger than her. And why didn't she marry ARod? And - so many questions. I just don't understand why she'd marry him - right? He doesn't seem to have anything to offer. She already has tons of money and can buy the best of toys with it too.
DeleteReality is quite conceptual for pop singers these days. Thank you for pointing this out. Presently, her royal tush is throwing a hissy about an leaked intimate photo from her wedding that was briefly posted on IG.
ReplyDeleteI yearn for the days where she was just a dancer(?) on "In Living Colour".
I know, GB. It was fun to watch her when she was a "nobody" like the rest of us. Sigh.
DeleteThanks for chiming in. I didn't know about her hissy fit. What a diva. Maybe she shouldn't have had 4 weddings to one person if she doesn't like attention!
Well, I wonder how long this marriage will last for her.
ReplyDeleteWe're all wondering. Such a vapid duo.
DeleteThanks Mary. Be well and stay cool.
One of the best lines about J-Lo I heard was that she has almost as many rings as the Pittsburgh Steelers.
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a restful, wonderful Labor Day!
That is a good one, Al. I assume the Steelers (1) play football and (2) won a lot of Superbowl games. Yes? No? Yes, no? No, yes.
DeleteBe well, friend.