My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, July 20, 2020

Shocking Interview with Presidential Candidate Kanye West!

Robyn, center stage with a microphone, wearing an extra long pink t-shirt that reads, in bold white font, "Bernie is my everything!": My Sillies, with each passing hour, we wonder how things could get worse. Right? And then it does. Like, Kanye West is actually running for POSUS. Oops -giggle- I mean, POTUS. Worse yet, he's here today for an exclusive interview! The audience fills two of Life by Chocolate's 170 row stadium--all of the Kardashians and Jenners in the first row, and Beyoncé in the middle of the second with scores of security guards on either side. Caitlyn Jenner cheers, raises her arms to form a "V" and begins running laps around the seats.

Robyn: Come on out here, Kanye!...Kanye?...Mr. West! Nobody breaks through the stage curtains. Jesus Christ, wha--Kanye enters from behind the curtains, his arms extended horizontally, in Christ-like form. Cool, dude. You're running for Prez. Kim could have more closet space, and your baby North West could have play dates in the West Wing! Think about it, North West in the West Wing! -giggle, snort.- 

Kanye: The maximum increase would be everybody that has a baby gets a million dollars or something in that range. *Actual quote.

Robyn: But you're already filthy rich. Bro, I wonder why you wanna be Prez. Like, do you have any idea about human suffering? 

Kanye: My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform life.*Actual quote

Robyn,befuddled. Say what? You've made baseless and asinine comments. You even said that Harriet Tubman didn't actually free slaves. Don't you think we've had enough idiocy and narcissism?

Kanye, enraged. Quit talking sh*t! I don't do idiocy. I'm loyal to my wife! And I ain't got no time for Narnia sh*t either. I don't read. 

Robyn: No kidding.  Rolls her eyes. You need to leave. Any final words?

Kanye: Yeah, Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time, one of the best videos of all time.*another actual quote, when he snatched Swift's Video Music Award out of her hands, 2009. Beyoncé stands and squeals, "Thank you, my friend!" Caitlyn keeps running laps around the studio with her arms in a victory "V." Everyone else, including security, is gone. Robyn addresses Kanye: GO! NOW!

Kanye storms off.***bleep**bleep*** **bleep** I ain't never doing this **bleep**again...

Robyn: I'm very sorry, my friends. But No Neck Ed
refused today's gig. I was desperate. Please return. It won't happen again. I do love you. 

23 comments:

  1. Just when I thought that your Presidential candidates couldn't get any more bizarre.
    I suppose it is good to realise just how wrong I can be.

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    1. And good to know you're in very good company with being wrong. I mean, I suppose it's good to know, EC. We gotta hang onto something here.

      Love to you.

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  2. Hi, Robyn!

    I get it, peeps. It would be great to have another cool, hip, youngish black dude in the White House, but please don't let it be Kanye West! If we're going to have a West in the West Wing, I'd rather it be Adam West, the mayor of Quahog, Rhode Island. His dry humor would play well with the press corps. Then again, given Kanye West's proclivity to make baseless and asinine comments, his idiocy, narcissism, delusions of grandeur and obsession with the petty and superficial, he seems uniquely qualified to follow our current Commander in Chief and lead this nation to even greater glory. I can just imagine him rapping the State of the Union address. Perhaps Kanye should be willing to wait his turn, however, because the Trump dynasty plans to remain in power through mid century.

    I hope you are doing well, Robyn. Enjoy the rest of your week, dear friend!

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    1. What I love about this, dear Shady, is that I can't think of anyone else who'd make the Trump dynasty a little (or more) nervous right now. That part, I love. Nothing threatens a narcissist like another narcissist, and when that narcissist is Kanye West (a high-powered, obnoxious black celebrity that the narcissist worships...). What a perfectly horrendous storm. We must keep popcorn at hand, do you agree? =)

      I hope you're doing well too, Shady. Virtually safe hugs to you.

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  3. With our luck his VP will be Snookie.

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    1. Haha. West-Snookie 2020. Oy vey.
      Maybe we can cling to hope that he'll pick Beyonce.

      Thanks for chiming in, Diane.

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  4. Jesus, he did make it too easy for you. The entrance was the funniest bit. Oh Robyn...
    But maybe all speeches would be in rap - something different.

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    1. Giggles, Jesus. I know, right, Joanne? Sigh.
      He'd just keep interchanging his name and Jesus in every other word in every thing he raps. Well, this will be an interesting election season. Christ!

      Love to you, dear friend.

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  5. Think about this, what better way to fracture the democratic vote? West back the president. Now he suddenly wants to run for president? Is it to siphon away the black vote from Biden?

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    1. It's a solid strategic. I have my doubts he's that strategic, but it won't help...anyone. I only like the fact that it has to be making Trump nervous. Truthfully, Bathwater, I think he could win. Think about all the people who will vote for him because we so utterly discouraged by it all. Heck, I'm tempted to, as much as I hate him.

      Cheers.

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    2. oops, "strategy." "We're" so utterly...=)

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  6. Replies
    1. I suppose North West might prefer the North Wing better, Debra. Wait, does the White House have a North Wing for North West? We only hear about its West Wing.

      Thanks for dropping by.

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  7. Maybe it's time for someone to do a remake of the Moody Blues, "Isn't Life Strange"

    www.thepulpitandthepen.com

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    1. Every hour, this seems relevant, Jeff. We're living in a much stranger dimension than any episode of the Twilight Zone.

      I hope you're staying safe and well.

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  8. Replies
    1. Haha! Right? We'll see if he completes all the paperwork. It seems as though he has, registered party is "BD" as in "Birthday Party." I didn't make any of this up, Giovanni. Oy vey.

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    2. Oh my, you've got me bumfuzzled again. Does this mean November will be narcissist-versus-narcissist? There aren't enough esses for that outside Mississippi.

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    3. Haha. Did you hear, Geo, he already asked J-Zee to be his running mate. Where will we find all the esses needed for this campaign. And what will the reality show be called now: Keeping Up With The Kardashians with North West in the West Wing of the White House and the Oval Office Overflowing With Prada, When The White House Is Renamed To Home Of The Birthday Party?

      Ha. I love your clever wit and you.

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  9. This year just keeps getting more and more bizarre. Lets hope he can't figure out how to get on the ballot.

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    1. Oy vey. I'm afraid he has a chance of winning, Connie. Even I'm tempted to vote for him, for sh*ts and giggles.

      Be well, my friend.

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