My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, July 8, 2019

Celebrity Book Fail and Interview with Drew Barrymore

Hi, Dear, Sillies,
   Today, I brought a famed celebrity to our studio. Ladies and Gentlemen, let us welcome the one and only Drew Barrymore! 
   The audience of three (Drew's two kids and E.T. - now hunched over, wrinkly, and wearing Depends) stick their index fingers up and shake them wildly. 

Robyn: Drew, sweetheart, sit down honey. Robyn points at a child sized fuzzy pink Hello Kitty chair, which Robyn sits down on. Make yourself at home.
Drew looks confused and stands frozen. Drew: I, okay. Make you self...phone home?
Robyn: No, honey. You just,...don't think. Don't work that pretty little brain cell. Okay? I'll do the talking.

Drew Barrymore
  Robyn: So, sweetie, you did E.T. and lots of drugs, and then you wrote this little booksie. Didn't you? Robyn holds this up for the audience. Look at this cover of your book about photographs!
Drew claps, giggles, and slowly raises her index finger to the cover. She then hugs herself. 
Drew: It was my calling!
Robyn: Let's read what your reviewers have to say, honey.
Drew: Yay! Yay! Drew extends her arms in a Victory 'v.'

Robyn: Here's one of your many one-star reviews. It reads, "Such a disappointment. It took her 10 years to compile this book???!!! Really???!!!!" Ten years, sweetie? That's hard to believe! The cover alone looks like it took 8 seconds. How'd you pull this off so quickly? 
Drew shrugs. Drew: I guess - giggle - it was some outer body Tourette's real experience.

Robyn: It looks that way. Here's another 1-star rating: "Returned it....way to obviious." Did you happen to write this one, Drew?

Drew: Oh, no. No. I not writed it. It's only a picture book. She giggles and blushes.

Robyn: I see. Do you have anything else to share today? 
Drew: Oh, yes. (Actual Drew Barrymore quote) "Kissing - and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down."

Robyn: But girlfriend, you haven't kissed any of the men I have. Have you? And when the kissing isn't good, you really don't want to do the nasty with them - hands up or down. You know?

Drew points her index finger up. Drew: Oh yes. For sure. I always like that part!

Robyn: Any final words? I've gotta run and make a phone call.
Drew: Yepsers! (Actual Drew Barrymore quote)  "When I lay my head on the pillow at night I can say I was a decent person today. That's when I feel beautiful." 

Robyn turns her back to the audience and vomits on stage. Stagehand MacCullay Culkin shouts "God damnit, bitch! Not again!"

Drew points her index finger at the barf, looks at the camera, twists her hair with the same index finger, and skips off the stage into the vast unknown. 

A phonecall home is made from somewhere...to somewhere. 

36 comments:

  1. And no you have me wondering where space cadets do consider home? Hopefully it is well signposted so they can find their way back, and so I don't stumble on it by mistake.

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    Replies
    1. Let's hope it's well lit, and there's a hardy phone connection too, EC. Smiles.

      Delete
  2. I have a bit of beef with the reviewers. What exactly were their expectations for a picture book? It was too obvious? Would they have preferred fuzzy pictures?

    Just a thought. LOL

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, well, Drew called it a picture book. But it's a book to highlight Ms. Barrymore's outstanding photography. The reviewers say the photos are less than amateur. And yeah, whether "obvious" or "obviious" - That's just a weird review.

      Thanks, girlie.

      Delete
  3. I can visualize her in my mind while you're talking about her. LOL I like her acting. I didn't know she had a book out.

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    Replies
    1. She has several. She likes the word "beautiful," and I can't fault her for that. Her overuse of it, though, makes me puke. Actually, I like her but find her annoying and not smart. She WAS an adorable kid.

      Cheers. Good to see you, Rosey.

      Delete
  4. Considering our current president's quote --"I watched our police and firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down."-- I am actually impressed by Ms. Barrymore's question, "A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?"

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    Replies
    1. Haha. I saw that one too, Geo. Okay, I agree, that's by far her BEST quote! Right? That one deserves to go viral.

      Delete
    2. I think you need to have the author of "The Art of the Deal" on your show (but which author, the one whose name is on the book" or the ghost who wrote it. But before you do, take another trip to Bali and steal all those barf bags you can from the plane seats.

      Delete
    3. Great idea and addendum about barf bags. That would be interesting. Lemme think how I'd do it. Thank you, Jeff.

      Delete
  5. Is that really the cover? Shouldn't a book about photos feature...a photo?

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    Replies
    1. Haha. Right, Alex? I wondered the same, and it's the only cover I found on Amazon. Unbelievable - for a book about her amazing photography skills.

      Delete
  6. you captured in words, what she didn't capture in photos. Celebrity silliness. Too funny.

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    Replies
    1. She is a silly one. Thanks, Joanne. I tried for that.

      Cheers to you and silliness.

      Delete
  7. LOL! Everyone is a writer or a photographer because it's just that easy, Drew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right! So super outer Tourette's real easy. Giggles.

      Thanks for the chuckle, Diane.

      Delete
  8. Wow. That is really the cover? I guess it is true, everything thinks they can make a book. Or maybe they don't think.

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    Replies
    1. I think it's both: that everyone thinks they can write a book and they don't think. You think?
      Thanks, Pat! You do think. We're all glad for that.

      Delete
  9. I like her too, but I wouldn't expect much from her books. She seems like someone with a good heart but with not a lot going on in the brains department.

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    1. Well said, Connie. Her brains department could use truckloads of imported goods -- lots of empty space to fill.

      Cheers.

      Delete
  10. I like her, but she is not my favourite actress, seems funny though:)

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    1. She is likeable, and that's better than a lot of folks nowadays, isn't it?
      Thank you, Natalia.

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    2. Thanks for revisiting and followin my blog, I am also followin now, have a wonderful week, greetings from Poland:)

      Delete
  11. Hi Robyn, I'm glad to see that you still have this wonderful blog of yours!

    I've returned home!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Lon. Great to hear from you. Thank you for visiting. I'll visit soon.
      Glad you're back!

      Delete
  12. She seemed much smarter in E.T.

    I was hoping E.T. would say more.

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    Replies
    1. I know. He has Tourett's-Real Syndrome real bad, PTM. It's a shame. He can't even use a phone anymore.

      Delete
  13. Ten years? She must not take many photos. It proves that money and success do not intelligence make (or at least your version of her says that and I've never found her impressive).

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, the elevator doesn't seem to leave the basement. And right? A week's worth of photos could fill a book, if you take decent pics. Sigh.

      Love.

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  14. Very cool...must have been pretty exciting to have a celebrity.

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    1. It was an "outer body" (her term from an interview she did with Letterman) experience, Sandy.
      Cheers.

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  15. Oh my! Hilarious! Now, I'm going to Google of she really wrote a book? And 10 years?

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    1. Right? How pathetic is that?!!
      I assume she collected stupid pictures that date back 10 years. But it sure doesn't bode well for sales. It's that anyone can publish mentality.

      Thanks for dropping by, Kelly.

      Delete
  16. Oh how I wish real authors got as much backing as these stars who usually write crap. I heard that kissing quote from her and thought she just stepped off the hippie bus that came from Woodstock.

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    1. Haha. I know. It's puke inducing. What was she on then? And why didn't she share?
      Love ya, Birgit.

      Delete
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