Tuesday, November 22, 2011
On Why I Choose Celibacy Reasons #144-49: Turkey Time Banter
Taken directly from current Internet dating ads, to follow are my reasons for celibacy numbers 144 through 149. As usual, you can find my snark-filled dialogue with this turkeys in italics. Please enjoy, and may the only turkeys you encounter this season be dead ones covered in gravy.
REASON #144: lets start with hy; my name is ........Nah, Y'm kinda not feeling it.
REASON #145: I am so lonely, they call me Mr. lonely, I have nobody to call my own. Want a woman to hold, cuddle, chat, spend thanksgiving with. I am tired of being alone, but I'm cursed to be single, that's my fate. Oh how nice it would be to find a woman who accepts me for who I am and isn't fluffy.
Patting my bulging belly: There’s nothing wrong with a little fluff. It happens to the best of us. Otherwise we tend toward anorexia and that gives a guy little to cuddle with. If you’re all that, Mr. Lonely, why no picture? And how desperate are you that you choose to be so particular?
REASON #146: Stand up guy
You never sit down? ‘Cuz a gal needs to rest her feet on occasion.
REASON #147: Hi, Just checking out this thing, let's have some coffee and see where it takes us.... I have a job, house payments, bills just like everyone else, would like to share.....:)
Sure, tell ya what I’m gonna do. I’ll let you share my bills, rent and life expenses. Then I'll share some coffee with you (in separate cups).
REASON #148: i am a funny guy, layed back but i work when there is work to be done, and i am in collage i not gonna be a bum lol i wanna be someone have some one you interested message back or text or call
Are you an art major or is our educational system rapidly declining towards the earth’s core?
REASON #149: Im at a lost for words at the momonet....
That you are.