InSanity~Normalize, Don't Stigmatize Mentall Illness.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Scammers in Little Black Dresses Target Match.com

     I've spent years perusing dating ads for pure entertainment and blog-post purposes. During that time, I've placed my own personal ads sporadically, in attempts to meet a decent fellow. Last month, I ended a nice reprieve from internet dating and re-registered with Match.com. That's where I encountered Little Black Dress Man. Remember him? He likes to let his hair down and toss on a little black dress.
Here he is, minus a photo of an older man with short gray hair, the ocean in the background:
 -----------------------------------------------------------
johnsmith  56 year old man | Chico, CA, USA | Seeking women 47-56 within 50 miles / 5'5" / Languages: Norwegian, English / Never married, no kids, definitely wants kids.

 In his own words I am an honest heart that's looking for a stable relationship…I am not interested in games or drama. I enjoy..good food and fine wine. I amjust as comfortable with my hair up in old jeans as with my hair down wearing my favorite little black dress. I love to dance: All styles, disco, house, or swing…I love spontaneity and being a bit impulsive. I am continually attempting to function from the inside out and to go with my intuitive impulses, because sometimes the spontaneous actions are the most fun, not expected and purely delightful. I generally try to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle...eating healthy, (trust me, I love sweets and pastries, but try not to over do it). I would also like to find a like-minded male.
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     I assumed Little Black Dress Man was simply too lazy to write his own ad. But my blog-friend, David Oliver, commented that he was almost positive he'd seen the exact same profile, one supposedly written by a woman in Alabama. Ah ha! Thanks, David. I had to get to the bottom of this.
    First, I played a bit with Little Black Dress Man. I "winked" at him and marked him as my "favorite" (silly ways to flirt with people you're too shy to write to).
No response. So I sent him this message: 

Hi Johnsmith,
  I hope you don't mind a few questions.
  Do you really speak Norwegian and have blonde hair? It looks gray to me and your name - John Smith - doesn't sound at all foreign. (Thank goodness for hair dye and creative pseudo names, right?)
  Are you really only 5'5"? I like short men, but you look taller than that. Just wondering. And where is that photo taken? There's no ocean anywhere around here. Must have been a stuffy vacation, having to wear that suit and tie on some tropical isle.
  What I'd really like to know is: What size do you wear? It'd be great to exchange little black dresses. Please respond. I'd like to shake up my wardrobe.
Cheers,

Robyn

No response again.
Next, I reported a concern that his ad is possibly fraudulent.
Match didn't respond or remove his ad.
So I called them.

My phonecall with Match.com:

Me: Hi, I'm user #blahblah, and I'm concerned about a particular profile.
Match Rep, very matter-of-factly, looks up my information. What is your concern?
Me: I got a profile of a man who wears a little black dress and a friend of mine says he saw the same profile for a woman in Alabama. I don't have issues with men wearing dresses, but there are other suspicious things, like he claims to have blonde hair and speak Norwegian and be only 5'5" and he's by the ocean. We don't have any ocean in Chico.
Match Rep.: You say you have some concerns about a profile for a man because of some suspicious things like wearing a black dress?
Me: Yes.
Match Rep: Well, you can block the profile. All you do is...
Me, interrupting: No, I don't want to block the profile. It's entertaining. In fact, I favorited and winked at him. I'd actually like to swap dresses with him, if he's a real person. I'm just concerned that it's a fake ad. Does match use fake profiles?
Match Rep politely informs me that there are scammers out there who, for unknown reasons, place fake profiles.(But you have to pay for a 6-month membership to place an ad. They must be paying off of someone else's credit card.)

Me: Okay, thank you, because yeah, it just didn't seem right to see a man who likes to wear a little black dress (I couldn't help but giggle. I held it together pretty well until now) and advertises this in his personal ad.
Match Rep, giggling (alas! I got a giggle out of her!), Thank you for calling. We appreciate the information and will look into it further.


Follow up to follow up: John Smith is still on Match.com, still likes to let his hair down and wear his favorite little black dress. Work it, John!

PS This just proves that scammers, while lacking scruples and brains, possess keen fashion sense.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Anti-Valentine's Day Winning Slogan!

It was a close race. Ultimately, three slogans vied for the win.

One was JoJo's very honest sentiment:

JoJo said...Valentines Day: Just another holiday that guilt trips men into buying crap for women who probably don't deserve it.
Great job, JoJo!

Another was Julie's perfectly amusing poem:
Another Valentines's Day,
Cupid is stupid,
My boyfriend is gay.
I went to bed a brunette,
And woke up gray.
Applause, Julie!

As we began to shut off the polling-booth lights, one more voter came stumbling in to cast the deciding vote: Herman. Mr. HermanTurnip said of his favorite slogan, "It's juvenile and caters to the lowest common denominator." So, we're sorry, JoJo, Julie, and all other competitors, but nobody does juvenile and lowest-common-denominator catering like Mr. Al Penwasser. (I also want to note, with sincerity, that he's a fabulous author and you should read his books. See link to Shag Carpet Toilet on the right sidebar of my blog.) Here's Al's winning slogan:

Al Penwassersaid...This really is fun....

It's Valentines! I will...
buy some chocolates, buy some flowers
and
a little blue pill
to give me four hours
.


CONGRATULATIONS, Al! We hope you enjoy precious chocolate (I'll have my people call yours) and your four hours (alone or with Mrs. Penwasser).
                           Thank you all for joining me in hating Valentine's Day!
                           It's been great fun. Let's hit the chocolate sales on Feb. 15th. 

PS I love you - not in a weird battery-operated adult "toy" kinda way. I love you for making me laugh and being silly and caring and supportive and all that other sappy stuff that falls short of my telling you to have a Happy Valentine's Day, because I still really hate Valentine's Day.

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE! Anti-Valentine's Day Chocolate Giveaway!

Exercise your right to vote! Vote on your favorite anti-Valentine's Day slogan (20 words or less). The winner will be gifted with delectable, high quality, fair trade chocolate!

Voting rules:
  • You must be a citizen (follower) of Life by Chocolate.
  • Vote only once and for only one candidate. You may vote for your own.
  • If you vote for someone who submitted multiple entries, please specify which one you're voting for. They're numbered.
  • Submit ballots to the comments section.
  • Polls will close at day's end, 12 midnight PST Wed-Thurs.
  • In the event of a tie, Russian Councilmember Natashastrovaliosovofokosky Bereiashnavariokolovovich will decide on the winner - with my input. Bribes happily accepted but are not guaranteed to alter the results.  
Good luck! Thank you to all contestants and voters!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                                              In random order, here's your ballot:


1. Al Penwasser said...Valentines Day?
Oh ain't that just ducky?
If things go my way
I just might get lucky.

Lady Lilith said…How about a picnic in the park. With all this snow it is sure to be fun.

Roland D. Yeomans said...Nothing says YOU'RE SPECIAL like a mass-produced sentiment written by someone else!

Robin said…Take a stand against Valentine's Day. Chocolate should be given frequently and often. For instance, all days ending in "y."

L. Diane Wolfe said...Nothing says love like a dozen over-prices flowers that are just going to die in two days.

2. Al Penwasser said...This really is fun....
It's Valentines! I will...
buy some chocolates, buy some flowers
and a little blue pill
to give me four hours.

 Kim Van Sickler said...Beep beep beep–beep beep
Oxygen mask yanked off again
Mom’s not loving me
As I place it back on.

1. Bish Denham said... Hand made hearts...
Champagne and strawberries...
Death by chocolate...
Priceless.


Fanny Barnes Thornton said...A Valentine -just my luck!
I wanted a heart, but I got a duck!

Empty Nest Insider said...Another Valentines's Day,
Cupid is stupid,
My boyfriend is gay.
I went to bed a brunette,
And woke up gray.

3. Al Penwasser said...Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate makes you fat
I'll eat the chocolate
and you can have the flowers.

HermanTurnip said..."I bought you this card because I can't read my own writing. Happy Valentines Day!"

David Oliver said..For Valentine's Day to be really sweet,
Two requirements you must meet.
Chocolate and a lady friend,
Damn! I have no lady, where to begin?

JoJo said...Valentines Day: Just another holiday that guilt trips men into buying crap for women who probably don't deserve it.


Daisy said...Chocolate hearts
make Valentine's Day fun,
but if you're alone,
all you REALLY want
is the day
over and done.

Vanessa Morgan said...Would you mind if I spend Valentine's Day with my cat?

A Beer For The Shower said...Buy some stale, dollar store chocolates, some flowers that’ll be dead tomorrow, and be sad and fat and alone... together.

2. Bish Denham said...Eat more chocolate, doctors and hospitals love making money for treating diabetes. 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END OF BALLOT
 *Sorry, the following exceed 20 words and are disqualified. Blame it on the Russian judges.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...20 word max?!?!?! This is the Russian's fault isn't it? Anyways I tried to edit mine down to 20 but couldn't do it. The best I could do is 42:
   Instead of telling you how special you are in my own words, I found a greeting card while at the grocery store buying ham. Luckily they describe exactly how I feel about you, and I got a great price on the ham.
   If you round down that could be 20.


 klahanie said...Anti-Valentine's Day. Such a day. Romance at play. I don't really care. It's only fair. My fake smile, sunny. Just give me your money.
  
 Pat Hatt said...Chocolate, flowers and stuffed bears, oh my! One makes you fat, one wilts on your mat and the other is covered in rat scat.