My Dear Sillies,
Who's up for a senseless distraction from all the yuck? If you are, read on. If you're not, you've come to the wrong place and I don't know what to tell you. Well, I do: Tinder. It's great for yuck.
Back on point, I recycled and updated this recycled, uppity, outdated oldie who likes to date and have as many fancy schmancy weddings as she can get paparazzi and one man to attend. That man has most often been the excruciatingly boring Ben Affleck.
Now on a wedding hiatus, today's guest graciously agreed to drop by Life by Chocolate's studio. So let's welcome the sultry and always-ready-to-be-a-bride Jennifer Lopez.
JLo dazzles in glamorous, intricately sequined, multi-colored shimmering shades of pink and lavender accented by subtle splashes of silver diamonds, fit and sexy dance ware.
Robyn, in torn jeans and a tank top that reveals her wide and low-hanging boobies, plus newly excited nipples, strolls over to greet her.
Robyn: Sorry um, we're super casual here.
*All JLo quotes are real.*
JLo: I judge people on how they smell, not how they look.
Robyn sniffs her right underarm, realizing she forgot to use deodorant this morn. Stay away from me, girlfriend, she jokes but not really.
JLo keeps a smile. Robyn: You like to have weddings. How many times have you actually married, I mean, to different men?
JLo: I've been married three times and once was nine months and once was 11 months so I don't really count those.
Robyn: You don't count the short ones? Robyn holds up her index finger and thumb, 4 or so inches apart, bringing them closer and closer as she speaks. Girlfriend, I, well, I understand.
JLo nods. I believe in love. Robyn: Did you just make that up all by yourself?
JLo: It's a shame to call someone a 'diva' because they work harder than everybody else.
Robyn: Wait, harder than everybody else? Harder than the 18 year old barely-adult soldiers who fight on the front lines for our freedoms day and night, month after month, year after year? Harder than the single parents with three or more kids to feed and clothe and house after their spouse, who was their provider, abandoned the family to shack up with the hot, young blonde he hired to be his Robyn uses air quotes "assistant"? Harder than--
JLo blows a kiss and dances off the stage in some maneuvers that make Robyn's nipples perk up like never before.
Robyn to the audience: Good thing she can dance. And she's hot. But oh, her ex husband's bestie, Matt Damon? Yeah, talk about a true alpha male but insanely humble and beautiful hottie, am I right? I've been waiting for 25 years to get him. Err, to get him on this show.
Thanks for being here, my friends! 'Til next time.
The woman enjoys collecting engagement rings. "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girls best friend." She also enjoys collecting husbands. Everyone needs a hobby or two. Love your fun post.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Thank you, Janie.
DeleteLove you.
It's bad enough marrying Ben Affleck ONCE, but TWICE? What was she thinking?
ReplyDeleteThat was completely bewildering. I mean, why? To get another ring? But he's so, so, so boring.
DeletePlus he's an active alcoholic. Not a good situation to get involved with.
DeleteOh yeah. Total frat boy type that never grew up. That whole thing was just too weird. How could either of them think it was a good idea? Oy vey.
DeleteI do so try to create a distraction from this troublesome world. It's oh-so-difficult, but I try.
ReplyDeleteI think that in some ways, it's easier because the bar is so darn low, Al. Then again, seems more people refuse to laugh these days. So we must keep trying.
DeleteI try not to get depressed about everything. That's why I write nonsense.
DeleteShe may be a smart business person, with adequate singing, dancing and acting talents, but not too bright when it comes to choosing husbands. Thanks for the amusement during such a bleak time! ☺
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, Debbie. Having read some of her writing - ugh - I can say she's not at all smart. But she has a great body and can dance. That's about it. And how desperate was she to go back to Ben? How desperate was he? What a strange senseless world.
DeleteSmiles.
She has diversity although not so much with husbands...
ReplyDeleteThat's true. They're all pretty, boring, White bro types.
DeleteShe judges people by smell? Weird.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? What the...? Is she trying to market her perfume line. That's too weird.
DeleteI wouldn't count the short weddings either, lol.
ReplyDeleteFair enough...only if we can't pretend my 13 month marriage never happened. Wink.
DeleteI'd like to judge her by her smell. 😆
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that, Mike. Maybe you can propose. She's always ready to be a bride.
DeleteI hate all the award shows with a bunch of rich people patting each other on the back... but if you hosted the Oscars, I'd watch.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, Jeff. I don't think I'm on the list of potential hosts, not yet anyway. Will keep you posted.
DeleteVery fun distraction post. I've always been a bit intrigued by J-Lo, even though she is ridiculous. And she does have a crazy laugh - like a tad demented. I admit to watching her stuff, I've paid for movies. Maybe I have train wreck syndrome - just can't look away. Cheers and thanks for the laughs. (Just Joanne down the block on the other side of the tracks)
ReplyDeleteShe is impressively fit and a good dancer, right? Otherwise, she's certainly lacking in brains and kindness.
DeleteTake good care, Joanne down the block on the other side of the tracks.
PS My friends, I am honing in on 2M views!
ReplyDelete