Serious announcement: Martha Stewart is today's Sports Illustrated pinup girl.
I asked Martha if she wore the same garb as our joint* Christmas card in 1994. *By joint, I mean that we shared one and some spiked eggnogg before the shoot. Martha was much..."looser", shall we say? back in the day.
"Oh, gaw-d no. That was just awful," Martha retorted. I mean, I agree. I used photoshop to drop me into the photo to slenderize the ole hag. It didn't help.
Actual quotes are yellowed.
Okay, yeah, color me jealous. The 81 year old self-infatuated, criminal prima donna looks hot! I can't upload the cover photo, because of all sorts of legal sh*t. But if you have a thing for ancient women whose bellies are restrained with the same amount of protection necessitated by Prince William's bald head, kindly make the purchase and let us know what you think.