Robyn = bold / Jennifer Lawrence = red / Justin Bieber = blue / FBI guy = green
Today, we talk with an incredibly talented, delightful, young, gorgeous Oscar winning actress. She starred in so many movies, including The Hunger Games, Silver Lining Playbook, X-Men and Catching Fire. Let's welcome, adorable klutz, Miss Jennifer Lawrence!
I guess I went too heavy on the Jack Daniel's this morning!She giggles.
Here, sweetie. Robyn gestures at a set of theater style chairs. They're both seated. Thanks for being here. What with all the media frenzy about your nudie photos that got hacked and leaked and viewed and savored on Sunday, and with the FBI jumping in to examine your case, even though there were scores of other celebrities involved. Jennifer Lawrence's face turns pink. In a low tone - and while maintaining decorum (even though she doesn't know what this means) - she tells Robyn, I thought we agreed not to talk about that. We won't. Can I...Robyn leans in towards Jennifer...get a look-see? Jennifer attempts to scoot her chair further from Robyn, but her legs flip over her head and she twists herself into a contorted semi-back-flip. An FBI agent appears, assisting Jennifer to her feet. Justin Bieber hops onto the stage. You f*n a******! Let me f*n help her! Get out of here, f*n punk! Justin runs to Selena (sitting in the back row) for coddling.
Jennifer Lawrence sits calmly now, as if nothing happened. The FBI agent steps back a few feet. Still on the stage, he's ready to protect her if she tries to move or breathe again. Today, the Insecure Writer's Support Group is gathering. Do you write? Um...she looks stupefied...No, I don't think so. I mean, like, why? I didn't think so. But I found a few books on Amazon about you. There's one called Jennifer Lawrence: Burning Bright. Did you know that? Um...no, not really. Well, let me tell you, you have one review for that book. I'll read it to you. Robyn proceeds to read very slowly, enunciating each syllable: "to me she a great actor but also she has a long way to go as well. i hope she continues to burn very bright in the future." Jennifer smiles. That's really sweet. You're a doll. And phenomenally talented. And so young. And so Robyn drops her eyes to Jennifer's breasts perky.
Jennifer appears troubled. Okay, you're really creeping me out, ma'am! Don't worry, honey. There's a noble reason why I wanted you here. I'm concerned about all those nudie pictures that you took and put on your phone or the Internet and anywhere they might get taken because you're so famous and so young and fleshy and svelte and half my age and I want to spare you further public humiliation. The agent takes Jennifer Lawrence's arm, readying to escort her out. Those naked photos that you don't deny are yours, it's shameful to admit this, but I can't in good conscience keep the secret any longer. They're mine. Robyn stands up and reiterates proudly: That's right, everyone. Those pictures are of me!
~We cut to a Public Service Announcement: Folks, it's not advisable to take nude selfies. Should you take nude selfies, it's not advisable to post nude selfies. If you take and post nude selfies, and if you are rich and famous, and if you have a rockin' body, and if you truly think these photos won't be stolen, you are many things. Bright isn't one of them.