My Story, Yours Too.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Woman on the Verge of Paradise: Disappearing Act

Thanks for joining this Woman on the Verge of Paradise, a chronicle of my transition from the San Francisco Bay Area to Chico, CA. If you're new to Life by Chocolate, or just madly trying to catch up with your blog reading (Can we ever truly catch up?), this non-fictional story begins here. While I strive for accuracy regarding place and time, I alter names as I see fit. Note that Mojo's real and he's a real rascal of a cat.

Hmm, where’d they go? There were tons of them just minutes ago. I snap my head to the left, scan the scene, and come up empty. A quick take to the right reveals the same. I pat my bed covers and lift the pillows. Nope, nobody’s on my bed. That’s strange. There’s gotta be a man around here somewhere. I squat to check under my bed. Aha! I found one, but it’s just Mojo.

That darn feline glares up at me with an expression of “What?! Somebody’s gotta warm up this room!”

Okay Mojo. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, either you go or I go. And I ain’t going. Got it? By the way cat, what happened to all the suitors? You know, all those men who were emailing and calling and going so far as to actually date me, or to possibly suggest trying to meet sometime before the end of the world, if they have time and because they were really interested. Yeah. It was going on for weeks and there were so many of them, like two.

Mojo offers a “Get over it lady, you’s touched” expression and rushes off for lunch.

I plop onto my bed, lean against the bedpost and reflect on heartwarming memories.

Why just last week, Larry was calling six times a day. He’s a high-powered businessman, perfectly nice, and liberal minded. We enjoyed a pleasant dinner at La Hacienda on our first date and a friendly hike in Bidwell Park on our second.  Phone tag ensued for several weeks.

“I’ll call you back in 75 minutes, after I put the kids to bed,” he told me.

That was six days ago and the last time we spoke. I’m feeling for those kids; it’s hard to stay awake so many days in a row.  Maybe, just maybe, he’ll put them to bed tonight and call me.  [I’m keeping the phone juiced just in case.]

But it’s okay either way, because Paul’s the man. Oh that Paul, he gives good email--prolific in content and devoid of typos. Paul and I have so much in common, like we live in Northern California and I’m sure there’s other stuff.  So after weeks of correspondence, he suggested a possible tentative meet-up for the following week. “I think I can definitely do that,” he kind of confirmed. I was smitten.

“It’d be great to meet. You name the date and time. I’ll work around your schedule.” I couldn’t have been more accommodating.

The morning of the prospective possible date arrived and Paul emailed: “The confluence of events has occurred. My dog got sprayed by a skunk, the kids have soccer practice this week, family is coming to town and blah blah blah with no apology…This is the life of a single parent. Sigh.”

Overwhelmed by confluence, Paul suggested I date someone less busy. In turn, I decided to look up “confluence” and avoid anyone who expels such verbiage.

Moreover, I realized my dating life has become one of friends with benefits, without the friendship. Or the benefits. 

At least I’ve got Mojo. 

Hey… Mojo! Mojo! Where are you? A quick take to the left and right again. Nope. I pat down my bed and lift the pillows. No sign of him.

I squat and our eyes meet. His glance says it all: “You’s touched but I’m still gonna keep this space warm.”

That’s my boy!


  1. Actually Mojo sounds like more fun than those guys. The second one needs to stop using the thesaurus!

  2. Getting a guy is nothing like in the movies ... sigh!

  3. At least Mojo is good to keep the room warm, right? I wish you better luck in the future...

  4. At least you haven't lost your Mojo! That's gotta mean there's hope.

  5. Girl you need to find a gay male BFF. At least you will alwyas have a companion around. ♥~Ames

  6. Stick with the pet - after some of the guys you've described, you're better off with Mojo.
    Although really, there are live, decent, real men out there! Somewhere...

  7. I'm with Marnie - the cat sounds like more fun that those twits!

    Oh, and your blog is still feeding okay at my end!

  8. Beastality is illegal. Mojo is not a proper replacement for a man. Go to the adult store and pick yourself up a nice inflatable man. They don't lie or talk back.

  9. Good idea, PTM. I'm on him. I mean, I'm on it. Oh I don't know what I mean.

    Thanks Marlene. When I re-posted for the umpteenth time and deleted the image, it finally fed. Whoosh!

    Alex, thanks. I believe it but those guys are already taken.

    Ames, that's a good idea. It's not easy to find one around here, though. I'd have to go back to the Bay Area.

    MsA, love it. Thanks.

    BabySis, yes and thank you. He was actually under my bed (in silence) for hours yesterday. I thought he was lost, that rascal.

    Gobetween, it sure isn't. Thanks for dropping by.

    Marnie, true. And "confluence"?! Please. I'd never heard that word before and I hope I never hear it again. LOL.


  10. Wow mojo must be pretty big to keep the place adequately warm! Glad I don't have suitors anymore since I have a closet full of SUITS! W.C.C.

  11. Hmm, I can't say I like either of these suitors. They sound unsuitable. I wonder if Larry got abducted by aliens...

  12. Sounds like you need a break from all these losers. Try to stay busy and then go back on the cites in a few weeks or longer. Better to have "no friendship and no benefits " than to be stuck with this group! It is hard to give up on the guy with no typos! Good luck and I'm sure someone worthwhile will show up when you least expect it. Julie

  13. Just the fact that the DB used the phrase "75 minutes" should have been enough to send you running. NOBODY is anal enough to say that.
    Nobody, I tell you!
    Another great story Robyn...

  14. Thanks for the laughs, your support and suggestions, WC, GB, Julie and Pat!

  15. Let me know if you need me to SMITE him for you. I got a bag of frozen oranges in my deep freezer just for such an occasion.

  16. Glad u have Mojo...maybe u should date someone very much younger...they must be good for "something more fun" than waiting for a call...u will have to wait only for a text or a wall post.

  17. haha very well written Robyn. He didn't sound too bad... Can't imagine that single parent thing would be much fun. You're probably better off. Though I'm a step parent and love it, but it aint easy!

    I admire your persistence! Something's gotta crack soon! At least a benefit or two.....