My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Re-Dating and Pre-Dating

I had a re-date last night. To be clear, I did not have a first or second date last night. I did not have a me date, a wee date, a pee date, or an afternoon tea date last night. So now that we’re on the same page, I rank it as pretty okay, as far as re-dating goes. The standards for re-dating are, logically, a bit more rigid than the typical dating standards.

When it comes to the re-date, the other person needs to profoundly up the ante to make up for his, or hers - I suppose but not really, ways. After all, it could not have been me or you, dear reader, who was at fault for the rupture in the first place. Thus, the other re-dater needs to perform exceptionally well this time 'round.

In this case, my re-dater had stopped calling months ago after about 6 dates. He was also very suave in imparting all indication that he was not at all interested. See Top 10 Signs the Dude's Just Not Into You. He inspired that piece. Alas, I felt jilted but being the mature, sophisticated, grounded woman that I am, I fired off a nasty email to him. As it goes in life, the last thing I expected was the first thing that happened. He called to ask me out again.

This inquiry came with a sincere apology, aligned with flattering compliments about my appearance. But I have learned my lessons. They can’t and won’t suck me in this way. No. I’m not weak or naive. Not anymore. Not this single divorced woman. I don’t need a man and I’m not settling. Damnit. No, instead I gently reminded him of a few things that were perhaps a bit less than perfect for me and then, AND ONLY THEN dear reader, did I jump on him. I mean, did I readily agree to the re-date.

Let’s face it, anytime you preface the word “date,” it’s a red flag. Hell, use of the word alone sends enough red flags flying to stop all traffic in Detroit. Further, the need, I mean the magical opportunity, for a re-date means that neither of you has successfully found another person who is suitable for dating. Therein resides the mystical formula for re-dating.

Years ago, I had a party. My friend, Diana, brought her husband along with a close male friend of hers. She introduced this friend as someone who “pre-dates” them as a couple. The concept of pre-dating filled the room with excitement. We were thrilled to consider this strategy. (This was years ago, mind you, and thus much closer to the 60’s.) I tried desperately to recruit the guy to do some of my pre-dating, but he wouldn’t have it. He declined.

Yet wouldn’t it be great to have a friend do all of your pre-dating for you? Bottom line here, I don’t trust my own judgment. I can’t. I have no reason to. Cases in point: the exes, except the ones who might happen to be reading this. You’re still the one for me, babe. Wink, wink, hair fling, kiss, and *#@**!! Sigh.

Anyway, I do believe that a caring friend should complete one round of the initial dating for you. I don’t think that’s asking too much. After all, we’d do it for them, right? Think about all you could learn, at no emotional or practical investment whatsoever. You’d get the important questions answered: Is he cute? How did he smell? Did he talk about the ex? Did he make a move? What was that like? Would you do him? Did you do him?

I suppose I cannot take full credit for this invention, given the escort industry and all. I haven’t accessed this service myself, else I’d have a much greater blog following. I do imagine, though, that the problem with escorts is that they are not so likely to are about you. It’s not their goal. No, I’m pretty sure they’re just doing it all to earn a buck. What good are they, really? Never mind. Perhaps that’s for another time, when I do set out to increase my following exponentially. I am starting to feel desperate (to increase my following that is. What were you thinking, there?), so stay tuned on that score. Or not.

Back to my point, again, as if I even have one. Whether or not I will have any re-re-dates, only time will tell. But I do predict that the pre-dating phenomenon will take off in 2010. Any volunteers?


  1. Do people change? Take care my friend! Maybe it's like chocolate; enjoyable but with consequences!

  2. I agree with Tina on that; maybe saying goodbye for good to an ex is better I'm not sure about re-dating, BUT!

    Pre-dating...would be kinda cool! It would answer the question "Is he worth it?" and tell me if I'd want to go out with the guy or not!

    PS: Robyn, you don't need a point in your's fun to read it all the time, anyway!

  3. i've never been able to stomach re-dating. i mean, when i was single, i'd see guys that i'd dated in the past but i never considered having a relationship with them. basically, i just wouldn't take them seriously.

    that said, i dated my husband a while before any sparks flew. by the time we first kissed he had been placed clearly in the friend category for me. so while people may not change, if you get to know someone, your perception of them definitely might!


  4. the danger of pre-dating: your friend might find a husband sooner than you do.

  5. You ladies are all very wise and caring. I appreciate your telling me what I already know but need to hear and re-hear and then hear again.

    Tina- perhaps not quite as enjoyable and with even greater consequences.

    Sarah - You are right, too. Glad you like the pre-dating idea (no volunteers yet) and my posts.

    Kelly - I appreciate your input. Great to have a new friend stop by too.

    Sarah - A virtual "high-5" on that one! You are very perceptive; 'tis a possibility I only pondered subconsciously and/or momentarily.

    So the preliminary votes indicate a big thumbs down for re-dating and a thumbs up (or sideways) for pre-dating. But no men have visited the polls yet. Stay tuned.


  6. The pre-date sounds like a rubbish idea. Thought that may be because I don't have any friends. And I have strange taste in women. Hmm, I'm wanting to know more about how your re-date went...

  7. Thanks for the male voice, PMF. I'm wondering if the straight single gal might be the best pre-date target marketing group.

    My re-date was a bit less lukewarm than the originals - not worthy of more descrip here.

  8. So has he ever said why he decided to ask you out again after indicating that he was not interested? Do you think he was attracted to you telling him off? lol.

    Your blog makes me laugh; in a good way :)

  9. No pre-dating gotta go through it all pain no gain!!! Besides after seeing some of my friends taste in men...I would be seriously concerned ;)

  10. Life: the CF (cluelessness factor) strikes again "I don't remember..sorry if I didn't call back." Yeah, I thought being bitchy was key. But he's forgotten my # again, it seems. No more re-re-dates or re-dates for this gal. Really, this time..I mean it.

    Mama- Good point on the friend factor. You are right. Darn!

    My blog friends are so wise.

  11. Hello there. there's no way on this planet I would ever re date. If my ex girl friends wanted me back I'd rather slit her wrists... or is that meant to say my wrists. think I prefer the first option.. time to move on find new sunshine x